Single (and Friendless)... For Seven Years.

[kutuup]

I'm finding a large part of the root of my problems with depression and anxiety is my lack of relationships with other people.

I'm 25, I've been single since I was 18, and I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say I have no friends, I mean zero. I have a few acquaintances whom I chat with occasionally, but nobody I would consider a friend. I no longer see the people I went to school with, I had a few people I thought of as friends, but over time I came to realize that they weren't good people for me to be around, people who treated me badly to cut a long story short. There were a few other people I was friendly with, and who I'm still "facebook-friends" with, but they never reply when I write them, so I presume they're not interested in talking any more for whatever reason.

Nowadays, I occasionally meet new people by chance, but 99% of the time they're people I can't really engage with in any real way, I like to think of myself as an intellectual type, but damned if I can find anyone I can have an intelligent conversation with. I seem to attract "weird" people like flies, by weird I mean people who you simply can't have a normal conversation with. They just don't interest me and half the time they aren't even particularly pleasant people.

Since I don't have any current friends, I tend to spend 90% of my time by myself, which makes it impossible to meet new people. You can't very well turn up at a bar or whatever by yourself and just start talking to people after all. This leaves me irrevocably socially isolated. This in turn stunts any social skills I have, and leaves me open to being messed around and taken advantage of because I come across as naive, which I'm very much not, I just have a hard time trusting people, yet a burned in disposition to treat everyone extremely well and kindly, even when they take advantage of me.

My default presumption is to presume that people are making fun of me or think I'm stupid, I was bullied for years as a kid, which kinda destroyed my ability to trust other people or feel that they think anything positive about me, when they say they do, by default I presume they're lying either just to be kind or out of malice.

I hear people all the time talking about how "there's plenty of fish in the sea" or "friends/relationships will come when you least expect it", but I haven't expected it at all for a long time, and nothing has changed, why would it?

I need to get out of this mess, but I don't see any way that I can.

[Pip]

It's easy for people to come out with (stupid) comments as they haven't walked a mile in your shoes.  I do understand the 'not going to places such as pubs'.  I went through a few years of not going out as I lost touch with friends and others were getting married so I was the odd one out.  The only time I made an efort was going on holiday abroad once a year.  I was suprised to find out how many single people went on holiday on their own but it was fun.

It does take motivation to get out but the hard bit is actually doing it.  Have you ever thought about taking up something such as dance sessions or going to night school to get a qualification just for your own satisfaction?

[kutuup]

It's easy for people to come out with (stupid) comments as they haven't walked a mile in your shoes.  I do understand the 'not going to places such as pubs'.  I went through a few years of not going out as I lost touch with friends and others were getting married so I was the odd one out.  The only time I made an efort was going on holiday abroad once a year.  I was suprised to find out how many single people went on holiday on their own but it was fun.

It does take motivation to get out but the hard bit is actually doing it.  Have you ever thought about taking up something such as dance sessions or going to night school to get a qualification just for your own satisfaction?

I tried joining the Round Table but that really didn't work out, nobody my age and seemed to be mostly event planning, which I'm not into. I'm definitely not a dancer I've been looking for a local tabletop gaming (think D&D) group for a while as I'm into stuff like that, some people consider it nerdy but it's really a lot of fun and is a good way to get chatting with people and have a laugh. I haven't found one yet, and I do kinda worry that I might end up with people even nerdier than me, but hey, nerdy people tend to be some of the friendliest :)

[PaulaJo]

I think the gaming group is a great idea - yes, some people consider it nerdy, but so what. I am a nerd, and proud of it - after all, "the geek shall inherit the earth"! 
If you enjoy it, and get pleasure and positivity from it, who cares what 'society' thinks.

It is difficult to meet new people (particularly when one is no longer a child - it was so much easier then! Plus there is school that forces you to meet people) so what I sometimes do is work from my interests and see what's out there in that sense.
A great resource is MeetUp - http://www.meetup.com/. You can search for Meetup Groups in your area within your fields of interest.
Some of the groups are for singles (dating) and just for meeting people, but many are based on hobbies and interests which helps in finding kindred spirits.

Give it a go, and certainly give the gaming group a go if you are interested - who cares what 'society' thinks!