bad days

[Sue]

Hi I am new on here joined today.  I have suffered depression for a while, however about 6 weeks ago I thought I felt well enough to start coming off citalopram 10mg 2 days 20mg on the other day.  However, about 3 weeks ago I had a health scare, I had a sore in my mouth that was bleeding I was so worried.  I am a smoker (4 a day) so I convinced myself I had the cancer, my Dr. said she would send me to hosp. as urgent.  They said they were pretty sure that it wasn't but I am having a biopsy this wed.  My mouth has actually recovered now.  My son is upset that I smoke.  I managed to stop while all this going on but have started again.  Of course all this has set back my depression big time, I feel I cannot cope and rang the Samaritans today.  I started back on the 20mg of citalopram about 8 days ago.  I am a carer full time for my disabled 25 yr old daughter she has learning disabilities. I spend most of my time taking her to various places.   I find the depression makes me feel alone, I cant eat much.  I have anxiety, racing pulse, cannot face the mornings its worse then, I feel like I am in my own world and needy(hate that feeling)  I also worry every day what will become of my daughter when I can no longer care for her.   

[Pip]

Welcome Sue,

That feeling of being alone is a common one and you will get support here.  After the scare you have had I'm not surprised you have taken up smoking again.  My husband has stopped smoking a few times over the years and each time he has started again has been due to stressful situation.  My husband hasn't smoked since just before Christmas as he was diagnosed with angina last year.

[Sweetpea]

Hello Sue and welcome,  you are with people that understand here. The citalopram may take a while to start working again.  Its quite normal for our minds to go into overdrive, I am the same.  If I get any pains etc I always think the worst.

Caring  for you.

X x

[stewart]

Hi Sue, and welcome to the forums,
depression is an ugly beast to have hanging around our lives, and caring for your daughter must take a lot out of you too.

You are in a place here where you can say how you feel and not be judged, as we have all been batteling with depression in one form or other,
and understand how it impacts on our lives.

maybe having a chat to your GP and changing meds could be a place to start, citalopram is just one of mant meds out there
and some work better than others for diferent people

[Sue]

Hi Thank you for your reply.  Yes it can be hard looking after my daughter, but on a positive note she keeps me going, I have to get out of bed and support her.  However, today after I had dropped her off at mencap I  went for a walk.  They say exercise is good, it just made me feel worse.  There I am some sad loser wondering the streets by myself all upset.  Whilst I am thinking there are other people far worse off than me.  I need to get a grip.  I found before citalopram good, but takes a while to get going.

[stewart]

Hi Sue, putting ones self down is just one of the negative sides of depression,
these people who come out with the likes of 'get a grip' or'pull yourself together' just have no idea how bad depression can make us feel.

yes, most meds do take a while to work up a ballance in the body, citalopram is probably the first choice for many doctors.

[SteveW]

I think you should value your care of your daughter more highly. I spent 4 years looking after my dad and pretty much ruined my health and lost all my friends. You  have done 25 years which to me is quite a big deal. You don't strike me as a loser in any way. More very dedicated.

[Pip]

Sue, I agree with the others.  Being a carer can be hard work emotionally and physically so you are doing a job that others would shy away from.  You do it because you love your daughter but that doesn't take away from being a carer which can be a full time job. 

For the last few years of my mum's life my dad was her main carer although my sister and her family also helped ~ we don''t live near our families.  A district nurse also helped.  The last time my mum was in hospital it was about ten weeks and the family decided my mum would go to a residential home after talking to the nurses and doctors as my dad is getting old, he will be 85 in May so it was very stressful for him.  My mum didn't want that and was battling against it although I could see both points of view.  I fully understood that my mum wanted to die in her home if possibly or in hospital.  She did actually die at this point.

It is hard to stay strong though but you do need support.     

[Sue]

Thank you to you all.  I have decided that as there is a carer advise centre near, I am going to ask them if there is any support for carers with depression maybe some sort of counselling to help me.

[SteveW]

As a carer you are entitled to a Carers Assessment from Social Services. They are supposed to sit down with you and work out what you needs are. They would know all about available groups. I was very sceptical about Carers Assessments until I had one at the behest of my then GP. I thought they would talk to me and then do nothing. But they were actually prepared to spend money on me.

They offered to pay for my Broadband connection on the grounds that it would help to ease my isolation. They also
offered to finance somebody to sit with my Dad while I went out for the evening or the day. They also offered me various services for the dieing which obviously are not relevant to you.
 
That was South Lincolnshire Social Services and I know that different departments across the country have different policies. It only takes a phone call. I didn't have to fill in any forms or anything.

If you are thinking about counselling the best thing to do is probably to ask your GP to refer you to your Community Mental Health Team.
They would look at all your needs. Another possibility is MIND but they make a charge for their counselling. I have £5 to £15 an hour in
my mind but I could be wrong.

[Sue]

Hi, Yes I had a carers assessment, they did give me some money for exercise classes, which I was grateful for.  I have contacted my local mental health team and they are going to do a phone assessment on Monday next - probably some more box ticking! Being a carer is a big responsibility I think we forget how to have a life of our own.

[SteveW]

A phone assessment yet. Don't they believe in actually seeing anybody any more. I don't really think it is possible. When someone came to see me they were able to see that the house was in a bad state, as was I. Not sure how you pick up that sort of information over the phone.

Being a carer is an amazingly difficult job. If you look at the figures the numbers of carers getting psychiatrically or physically ill is
very high. I never forgot how to have a life of my own. But since I had to look after my dad for 18 hours a day there was no chance of
actually having it.

I hope your assessment gives you access to more services, in particular counselling.