Feel any of this?

[niz]

Confused, one minute happy and motivated next low and moody, tired, lack of commitment and loss of interest, always thinking of others and feeling bad for them if they are having a problem, give up something that you have if someone else needs it, no one seems to be bothered about you and only bother with you if they need something, sick of work and family life, feel like your starting at the bottom of the ladder for every single thing in life, lost your friends and never get asked to do anything ( not that you could because your skint ), always wondering if it really is depression you have or something else, wish you had changed things in the past so that you could have a better future, think that no one else can really ever understand what's going on with you, not knowing what's going on with yourself.

Sorry about this post but its how I feel nearly all the time, I had to get it out there 

[RedAlex76]

You don't need to apologise Niz!

And I can promise you are not alone feeling like that to be honest I am going through one of those periods right at this moment and it's driving me around the bend!!!

[Pip]

niz, RedAlex76 is right there is no need to apologise for the way you're feeling. I've gone through periods like yours so understand. 

We have to budget for everything and try to get money away for special occasions so that we can go out.  Sometimes we get fed up of having to scrimp and save for everything but what keeps us going is knowing our bills are paid, we have food in the house, and we have friends who accept us for who we are.

[JC]

Hi Niz

As Pip and RedAlex76 have said, apologies are not necessary we all understand how you are feeling and it is good to get it out.

The mood swings, lack of motivation and loss of interest in what we used to enjoy are things that I think most of us here will have gone through at some point. I have been in very low mood for most of January and have isolated myself from friends more and more, I suppose there may come a time when they just stop asking me out, which I may later regret, but at the moment I just prefer not to be around people, even those closest to me. I have to go to work, or the bills don't get paid, but find it easier to be around people there because all my interactions with them are on a superficial level.

There are certainly things in the past that I would have done differently, which could have affected my current situation. Those things are on my mind all of the time and are what keep me in the cycle of low mood, lack of motivation etc. that you describe.

[stewart]

as others have already said niz, there is no need to apoligise.
depression can impact on our lives in many ways, it sure isnt a one size fits all illness, you could talk to your gp about medication, or see if there is a MIND office in your area, they have very cood support workers and can offer advice and a range of services

[niz]

Thanks everyone, I have been on medication now for coming up to 2 years and I have halved my meds now so maybe that's why I seem to be slumping back a bit. I want to stop taking the meds but maybe I'm wrong, if their helping maybe I should just relax and not over analyse it all. At the minute I seem to focus on work during the week as in using all my concentration and energy to keep going but then at weekends I have gotten into the routine of having a drink and yes probably over indulging in it, this weekend I am trying to brake that habit and  leaving myself in a better state to do something on Sunday instead of feeling rough and tired.

[beataamanda]

What are some of your favourite things to do? (Other than drink, though it's definitely on of mine  )

Plan yourself a day out on Saturday or Sunday to give yourself an incentive to keep drinking to a minimum.
I've struggled with wanting to drink, then getting too drunk and then getting into a negative cycle! A lot of us have been there!

Never ever apologise for how you feel mate!

Beata Amanda
(Beata derived from the Italian meaning, blessed, lucky, blissful or heavenly.)

[kutuup]

Yep, that's pretty much the shape of it. I would tend to describe my symptoms as some unknown, yet familiar and invasive regret. Some general sense of wistfulness over nothing in particular but everything in general. A generalized feeling of no self worth and hopelessness. A feeling of something unplaceable yet unspeakably horrible. As Stephen Fry put it "It's actually painful, it's bad, it's really bad. It's a descent of something quite terrible into a person's mind". Just PLEASE understand that you are not alone, and we are all ready to listen. Speak your mind, we want to see you through this. No matter how bleak life feels, you can talk to us. I found many sympathetic ears here when I needed them most. I promise you, you will too.

[niz]

Hi everyone, been a couple of weeks now and the head zaps are slightly easing off, yes drinking alcohol is a past time I should give up but although stopping meds has been relatively easy I do find myself worrying about money again, seems like everyone just seems to be asking me for money all the time but on the other hand I am the only earner in the house so I suppose they have no one else to ask. I am feeling better and I have had a few people tell me I need to exercise and do things, not easy though as I do feel tired a lot more and money is so tight I am trying to look for another job either on top of the one I have at night or different job altogether. I do want to thank everyone on here for their advise it has been a big help, I wont give up and I will get some kind of normality back in my life, I have been no angel in my life but I do believe I have always put others first and would give something up if it help someone else, maybe this is why my mind is broken as it got overloaded from a young age, we all have or think life is not as good as it should be but I am starting to see my life is what it is and it is my life, I can change things for the better but first I have to make myself better. 

[niz]

Well today is a different day, feel so tired and aching all over, just waiting to start work at 6.15 am. Have no spare cash, cancelled a Christening and a 40th party over the weekend as just cant afford to go. One of my daughters leaves school this year and I had to tell her she could not have her leaving hoodie she wanted (soul destroying). To top it off I got flashed by speed camera doing 38mph in a 30 least night. while I sit here typing this I can feel my body and mind draining of energy and will power. So much in the way of bills coming up that it is a top worry at the moment, we booked a holiday 18 months ago when circumstances were better now I am weeks away and truly wish I was not going as I know that its going to put us in so much debt. I feel like I just want my own space for maybe a few days just on my own with no one around to do what I want in my own time so I can recharge and adjust my focus on things. Sick of being called miserable by work colleagues and friends because I keep letting people down for being invited to functions, when I say I just cant afford to go it's mostly laughed upon in disbelief mainly because they really don't know what it is like to be really on a budget and you have to sacrifice things to get by. Best part is while everyone else judges me and says I am just tight or miserable the reason that things are a bit more difficult this week is because I have give my eldest daughter at uni some money as she had ran out and didn't have enough to by any food but she does not want her mother knowing or anyone else. So if this makes any sense , I am having to absorb all the bad judgement, jokes and crap that people come out with while doing something to help someone else out who has asked me for help. I will never win.

[Sweetpea]

Really feel for you, so many people are struggling financially right now.  Good on you for being honest by saying you cannot afford to go to things.  Better to be this way than to go.  Let people think what they want.

I remember only to well my boys wanting things that we couldn't afford.  It was have d at the time by its made them realise you cannot have everything.

Thinking of you.

X x