New Here - Help me take back control

[Bellacute]

Hi, I'm Bella. I'm 21 and was diagnosed with depression in June of this year. I have been receiving therapy and I have session 5 this week. Although I feel that my therapy is working I still have major issues with my depression.

I have let it take over my life, and now it is slowly pushing away my friends and family until eventually I will isolate myself. I see that this is hurting them, but I don't know how to stop myself from doing it, I feel so stupid and like I am the worst person in the world.

I used to be interested in things; reading, watching TV, walking, swimming etc. but now I don't find anything interesting. I have tried to respark my interest but I can't and it's hurting me. I just can't go on like this. I don't have a job, and both my therapist and doctor think that I am not well enough to be able to hold down a job right now, so I have no money and I am struggling. I have been taking Citalopram (20mg) daily but I am not sure if this is helping me.

I am new here, and have joined on the advise of a friend who thinks that the help here might help me take control of my life. Please advise me, about what I can do to take back control.

[craig84]

Hi Bella and Welcome...

You may find it hard to focus and enjoy things because your mind simply isn't letting you concentrate enough... you may find your very much "in your own head right now" your thoughts racing about everything.... and nothing at the same time.

I've been where you are... and worse because I have pushed everbody away and locked myself away from the world for months on end.... it was a combination of therapy, medication, and reading that pulled me out of that. I used to ask my therapists for material they though I should read to try and help myself more....I read and read and still read now... right now im reading about self esteem and how to improve it... 

There are a sequence of events that have to follow when we are on our recovery's, we need to understand ourselves and what it is that makes us depressed, we need to rebuild everything from our selfesteeem and self worth to our whole lives if things get as bad as they did with me....
Im glad therapy is helping you, it was my saving grace at one point but I belive that learning yourself is a great way to understand yourself... when you understand you can identify and possibly make changes to your life to improve...

sorry if this hasn't helped im not having a great day myself right now but Ihope you find some help here!!!

I know I have! 

[craig84]

p.s

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

LOVE that tune too!!

[Pip]

Hi Bella, have you been back to see your GP about Citalopram?

The dose can be increased and if it doesn't your GP can change it to another anti depressant.

[Bellacute]

Hi Craig and Pip,
Thanks for the replies, sorry it's taken me until now to reply I have been quite down the last few days withdrawing into myself further.

I have been back to my doctor on multiple occasions (when I can get an appointment) and he seems to want to keep me on the same path that I am on as he thinks that I will eventually start to feel better even though my scores on the questionnaires I fill in for my therapist are rising every week so much so that she's referred me to the local Mental Health Hospital for further help which has scared me a little. I do have good days, and they always seem to be when I have my appointments with the doctor.

I feel out of control, I have huge money issues which no-one seems to want to help me with, I can't work so have no money coming in and I am apparently not entitled to any kind of benefit, I'm just so angry.