Hi, I am new

[sandcat]

Hello all,

I am new to this forum but not new to depression, I am 28 and have suffered with anxiety for about a year and half, and depression for the last 8 months or so, been on fluoxetine for 4 months. I have managed to keep it 'quiet' until recently when my boss and colleagues at work noticed how I'm not myself and not as focused, etc and referred me to occupational health. Also family members/friends have said I'm not myself as well. This has made things even worse, as I thought I was doing ok, managing to keep on top of it and keep it hidden most of the time. Now I feel as though everything's coming out in the open and it really scares me as I have been feeling worse since I have started admitting I have a problem. I thought admitting the problem is supposed to help??! I have been crying, not sleeping, feeling physically sick, not able to eat. These feelings were there before, but I had been able to ignore them, now I can't.
I have joined here as at least I can talk to people who are in the same boat and who may understand, I am especially worried about work, and that I will be conveniently made redundant (there are redundancies going around at the moment) or skipped over for promotions/opportunities in future. Anyone else experienced problems or good experiences with work? I work for a very large company, so I would be interested to know if this is better or worse than a small one.

Anyway I will stop going on now, thanks for reading

Sandcat

[junior]

Hi sandcat, telling people how you feel is very hard more so if those people are family members, for me I dont want people to know how I feel as I dont want to seem like a weak person, talk will help you im sure right now you seem scared of what other people think about you, I for one think you must be a strong person to have got help from your doctor.
Junior

[sandcat]

thanks, I guess I never saw it as being strong to go to the doctor, I saw it as weak like I was giving in. But i guess i could have sat and done nothing about it and that would have been worse. This is so scary being open and putting myself 'out there', it all feels very strange. I put up a couple of poems on a diff thread which I have been working through in my head for a while, it's made me feel a teeny bit better just typing them up and seeing them on the screen, therapeutic I guess?

[bel]

Hi Sandcat, and welcome,

I agree with Junior; admitting you have a problem and seeking help is a sign of strength, so well done!

I'm sorry to have to tell you that I have had bad experiences with work through my depression - I kept up my work standards (being a perfectionist), but I got very grumpy with people and made no secret of my lack of faith in the bosses, so was subject to disciplinary procedures. Of course what I should have done was got a sick note and help, but I tried to struggle on. In the end I was made redundant, but by then I had been to the doctor and been officially diagnosed as depressed so the company couldn't just kick me out. Remember that they cannot get rid of you or penalise you for being depressed, that would be discrimination.

Best of luck. bel

[Woman]

Hello Sandcat  :)

Sorry for the late reply.

All the best.  :)

[mrj25]

Hi Sandcat

I am also new to the forum. I would also like to follow up on what Bel added.

I've worked for a number of companies and realised that my depression really was counter-productive to being successful at work. Like Bel, I'm a perfectionist and find it hard to bite my tongue when it comes to identifying issues. I write for a living and am hugely passionate about it, so when I see errors, it really can trigger a low mood. Anyway, the key is to not be scared to tell your management about your predicament. As Bel notes, they cannot discriminate against you. Depression is an illness, but you have to be open about it. It's really, really hard, I know. I was so embarrassed telling my current manager about it (first time I'd done it). But it had to be done. In my last role, I would have anxiety attacks that triggered vomiting and would spend hours each day in the bathroom. I was too scared to tell people why, and it definitely affected my work relationships. Today, having been open about it, it felt like a weight off.

I hope that you don't go through any difficulties at work in relation to redundancies. As for crying, not sleeping, sickness and lack of appetite, I sympathise completely. I'm currently on a course of Duloxetine and have not slept properly for a month now. Also had physical sickness for 10 days in a row. But the very fact you've made the move to fight it is a massive step and you should be so, so proud of yourself. There is a stigma attached to depression (and other mental health issues) but you've taken a bold move. Even signing up to this forum is a huge step and you should take great encouragement from that.

My apologies for the long reply!