I'm so tired

[Jammydogger]

I'm just so tired of living. I've given up I just cant go on anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong and its just one thing after the other for the past 5 years. I feel like i'm being punished and I have nothing left. I look around and most of my friends and family are doing well. And every time I try I fail. I dont have one thing to look forward to in this life. I go to sleep every night hoping I dont wake up. I've been prescribed some new meds and I dont have the energy or the money to go and pick it up.

I just cant cope and I dont know what to do or where to begin?

[SteveW]

You are obviously very deeply depressed and I would say in pretty desperate need of the pills you have been prescribed. I don't know what the current prescription
charge is, I am over 60 so I get let of the charges. But you must be able to put together the £7-8 you need, even if it is over a couple of weeks.

But there is help that is free. You will have a Community Mental Health Team that covers your area. You can simply ask your GP to refer you. They are as the term
used to be "free at the point of delivery."

I have no way of knowing how bad things are with you but I would seriously consider your Crisis Team. Their function is to provide help in the community to avoid admission to psychiatric hospital and to arrange admission if it just unavoidable. You don't mention suicide but you sound like you are in a state where admission to hospital might be thought of. To get to your Crisis Team also just takes a trip to your GP. They are also free.

They are very well resourced. I used to work in mental health and was amazed when I realized just what resources they had. This lets them do things like
visit you twice a day. We could never have managed something like that.

There is still help going even if you are flat broke. I wouldn't put it past your CMHT to find some way of getting the cash for your prescription. I lost my
cash card a while back and it was the only way I had of getting cash. My CMHT worker simply slipped me £10 to keep me going until my new card arrived. I'm
sure there are more official ways of doing it.

[SteveW]

I should have added. I keep a journal here that nobody ever replies to. If you wanted to ease the isolation of deep despair you could always contact me. I can't
imagine anyone here not responding if you contacted them.

[Pip]

It's had to get through each day when you're feeling like that.  Been through the same a number of times so I do understand 

[craig84]

going through the same and have been for the past 5 years or so.. everyones got a stable life apart from me and my brother, all sisters have families and tbh I thought id be settled now with kids, nothing I want more in all honesty but it hasn't happened yet, I got a dog along the way and I never asked for him but id never be without him! in my darkest bouts of depression after I got him I used to sit in the dark crying silently and he'd come and pry my head from my hands and brought a lil smile to my face....

id say having a pet is a great way of DEALING with depression and what comes with it, I was agoraphobic for a period but having a dog I couldn't stay cooped up, not cos I cared what the flat might have smelled like from kai's poop (it  im just saying) but because I cared about him having the right exercise and could train him near my flat.

just having something to care for and be proud of makes a difference when you don't care about yourself, for me it does anyway. his my lil guardian angel id definitely be dead if it wasn't for my lil pooch.

anyway were all here for you, all have experience with this kinda thing to an extent ....

hope we can help somehow!

[craig84]

(was meant to say "it didn't smell of poop im just saying")

[Jammydogger]

Thank you all for the support. I'm having a really hard time just trying to get out the door. The awful thing is I don't think anyone around me understands how I feel because people from my country don't get 'depression' and they all encourage me not to take medication. And it's so hard cause they don't understand how I feel and I can't 'tough things out ' like they do.   

[craig84]

they probably don't... we all have our reasons for feeling the way we do and more so than not its probably things you'd find really difficult to discuss so its all the more difficult to "be" yourself... I think at my lowest I just did not care what people thought anmore... I didn't want to feel the numbness or pain anymore so things like people judging me I really didn't think about, and I don't think you can if your that bad. .  . it does take courage on your part... and im sorry to break it to your but you have to be your own hero in this and fight when no one else will... that's how ive had to be and I know were all different but we all have things deep down we'd rather live for and only fighting for it will get us there. persistence, patience,understanding,empathy,integerity, and self support is what we need to be honest. . . have to kick ourselves up the ass and "get on with it"... but as a sufferer myself I know its not that simple ... I know it takes support and other factors from various mental options out there... its just resources ... a lot of us don't know categorically what we can get to get ourselves better if we have nothing!!!

 

[SteveW]

It can be hard when your culture doesn't support a diagnosis of depression. I was once forced to treat a guy from rural Chile who was convinced that he was suffering
from "soul loss." It looked very much like depression to me. We ended up trying to follow the treatment methods that he would have experienced at home. I ended up
playing the role of Curandero, which was his term for a Shaman.

I fear you will have to ignore your friends. Living in a different culture tends to make you subject to the diseases of that culture not the diseases of your
culture of origin. Anyway you can keep taking anti-depressants to yourself, you don't have to announce it publicly.

I hope you are a little better. Your first post seemed very low indeed to me.