I fear fro my son

[gem03]

My son is 24 mid July, depressed, sits in his bedroom all the time when at home. He does have a job which he struggles to get up for. If I didn't get him up and take him to work I don't think he would make it (could be wrong). He does nothing to help around the home; I do ask him and he says ok in a bit, then it never happens. He will perhaps go out about once a month to see an old school friend. I have encouraged him to seek help which he has done but then does not follow through, saying it is a waste of time. He is dragging me down because it is heart breaking to see an lovely intelligent attractive young man do nothing with his life. I'm at a loss how to be, to help him. I praise him, I listen to him when he choses to talk, I feed him and leave him to his space without condemning.......I have said that it would be helpful if he cleaned his room.

How do I treat him/speak to him to help him?

[Pip]

It's hard to deal with and all you can do is to keep being there for him.  You are doing all the right things.  It could be your son is struggling to accept that he is depressed or it is something deep rooted that is making him unhappy.  Unless your son is willing to discuss what is troubling him you can only continue to show you love him.

My son suffers with depression and at the same time in denial of his issues.  We've done all we can to help him but he won't have any off it ~ we are the ones with the problems according to him.  He knows we love him  so it is a waiting game for him to accept it.

I'm sorry that it wont help you now.  Have you had any support for yourself?

If you haven't then it is worth trying to get support to help keep you strong.

[gem03]

Thank you for your reply. I have thought that there is nothing more than I can do that I'm not doing already but I am always looking for anything that will help even more.
It is now becoming apparent to others that he is struggling and I had a phone call today from someone from his work offering help for him. He asked me if placing my son in another location within the company with people who are more his age would be beneficial. I told him that yes that would be something he very much needs. I feel so grateful that someone else has taken an interest.

[craig84]

Hi Gem,
 So after reading your post, and being 28 suffering with depression myself I have to say hats off to you, it may not feel like it but you are doing an amazing job!
 The fact that your boy at least started to seek help is a slight acceptance from his part that he needs help, its an extremely intimidating thing to have to do on your own and so complex. when I first went for counselling it took about 3 months of talking about things I thought were wrong, before I actually started to get to the core things that affected me.
 one thing ive learnt over the years from helping people is that you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped, that doesn't mean you should stop trying, just that you should be aware that what you are doing is right for him... its just going to take time for him to decide his had enough of feeling how he does and make positive changes to get better! sometimes a lil push is all we need, i hope he realises how lucky he is to have a mother who supports him the way you are!

Its great that his company are working with you regarding his depression and placing him somewhere he feels more comfortable, i hope it does him some good!

[gem03]

Well the new location for him turned out to be a temporary thing. He said he didn't like it either as the work was more demanding so not the life line I was hoping for. He is still not going out and seems to be getting more and more sullen, if that's the correct word. He looks so sad and tired. He still spends his time at home in his bedroom. I get concerned about what he may be doing on the internet. He does talk about some things that he has read which are interesting but the other day he talked about suicide and the theories behind it, I brushed it off but I'm worried as I know there are sites which talk about suicide.
He did threaten suicide when he was at Uni and not coping. I had a phone call from him asking me to pick him up straight away as he would commit suicide if he didn't come home straight away.
His girlfriend at the time called me as well saying how concerned she was. He has come along way from that time, improving a bit at a time but he is going backwards again. I'm scared for him. As for getting support for myself I don't know where to go.

[craig84]

there is a mental health charity called mind that could give you some support pending an appointment, they helped me alot and come highly recommended!

its unfortunate about the job but sometimes its best to just concentrate on yourself when your as bad as your son seems.
if his talking about suicide then its worth letting the gp know and filling a form in to hopefully get a referral to mind as it speeds up the process.

hope it helps!

[gem03]

Thank you for your reply. I do feel at a loss as I have already phoned mind who sent literature for my son to read and hopefully get in touch with them himself which of course he hasn't. I sent an e-mail to them asking for help not too long ago and never had a reply.
Good point about letting the GP know, I will do that.

[craig84]

if you feel that it is that serious don't let the gp brush you off, you know your son and how serious things are ! I hope they are sensitive to whats going on and offer the right help.