hello

[spud]

Hello
I came across this site as I am struggling again at the moment. I have suffered from depression for years. I have been in hospital twice and tried to take my own life several times. I have been on medication 250g of sertraline, although I took myself off it. I am in a bad place again at the moment. I am 43 and alone. Everyone I love leaves me. For years I have been drinking heavily and hiding it. I also take a packet of night nurse tablets at the weekend to knock myself out. I don't know why I do it. At the moment I am really bad. This is day 6 in bed and I had not eaten either, since a break up. I am in self destruct mode and I do't know what to do. Each time something bad happens I get this way and I feel bad that I don't have a way of coping. The pain is so intense and real as is the guilt. I don't know what to do anymore.  Reading posts on here has made me think my problems as so minimal.
I don't have any friends and each time I have a relationship, they seem to leave. I thought I had found love but once again he left and now I feel that is my last chance gone. I have had things happen in my past that I don't think I have dealt with and maybe that makes me unapproachable and unloveable. I am not confident and doubt myself in every way. Although outwardly I probably appear strong and together - it is such an act. I really don't know what to do. I can't go through this yet again.

[SteveW]

I was sorry to read about your troubles. A relationship breakup is painful at any stage of life. But depressives seems to be even more exquisitely sensitive to loss than most.

Your reaction reminds me of how I reacted in one of my depressions. I took to my bed and stopped eating too. Unfortunately I gave up drinking any fluids as well. I ended up in a medical hospital very ill with dehydration indeed. Please don't take the same route.

You meet my definition of a crisis. Your area will no doubt have a Community Mental Health Team, and probably a Crisis Resolution Team. I would see your GP and ask for a referral. Your GP might feel able to do something himself in the meantime. If you are already on Sertraline at 250 mg there isn't much room there. The
maximum dose used to be 200 mg, perhaps they have changed it. But he could add in a second anti-depressant. Mirtazepine and Sertraline is a common combination for example.

But I would see talking help possibly assisting you more than drugs. Most Crisis Teams seem to be pretty good on that. You could be in touch with them in a few hours after your GP made the call.

If you are deeply suicidal there is still help available on a Sunday. All you have to do is go to A and E and tell them you are feeling suicidal. I did this and the staff were completely fine with me. They just started taking down my details like I had come in with a cut finger. I think they must see a fair amount of
suicidal depression.

Good luck with getting through today. You can post here as much as you like, everyone will understand.