Daughter is in a dark place

[someonesmum]

I am new to this forum so please bear with me as I never thought I would need a forum like this, but here goes.....

My daughter has suffered with this insidious monster called Depression for more than half her life...she is now in her 30's and this is the worst I have ever seen her. Circumstances have brought her home where we (me and her Dad) are trying to care for her.  Her pain is almost palpable and I have spent hours weeping because I feel so darned helpless; this is my child....I could kiss the hurt away when she was a little girl, but I needn't tell you, this is so very different. She has lost interest in everything.....eating, exercise, music, socialising, conversation...everything. She stays in her room and huddles under the blankets on even the hottest day. She looks awful and I worry now about her weight loss. She says she's reached the end of her rope and has no energy, no interest and nothing left to give as she feels dead inside. This was my bright, cheerful little girl...how could this have happened!

She saw her GP last week who increased the dosage of Prozac from 20mg to 40mg per day...it's probably too soon for it to have any beneficial effect.  She has had the most healthy lifestyle imagineable but nothing seems to help right now, so I am at my wits end. It seems all I can do is tell her how much we love her, that we'll always be here for her, but surely there is something else we can do? 

If any of you out there can suggest anything, please do...I'm prepared to try just about anything.

[Pip]

Depression, as you have found out, doesn't discriminate against anybody and can drag them down completely.  It is hard for you as you don't know how to make your daughter feel better.  All you can do is be there for her and do your best to make sure she eats each day.

Has your daughter had any other intervention apart from your GP?

If she hasn't it's worth you asking your GP.  Apart from waiting to see if the increase of Prozac will help ask your GP if there is anything you can do to help your daughter.  Your GP isn't just there for your daughter he or she is there for you too.

[SteveW]

Not many people seem to have replied to you so I thought I would try. Your daughter seems to be suffering from a depression at the very bad end and that can be risky. Food and drink assume an important status. When I get severely depressed I simply stop eating and drinking completely. This has caused me major problems. In 5 years of depressive episodes I managed to drop 6 stones in weight. Luckily I was overweight to start with. Your daughter probably isn't. You have to keep her food intake up. I realise this is easier said than done. My partner used to treat me like a toddler who was a fussy eater. She would tempt me with all my special favourites. She would put small bits of things I wouldn't eat surrounded and covered by some of the few things I would eat. She would insist that I took a multi vitamin pill every day since I was consuming no vitamins at all. We came to the conclusion that some foods are more important than others. My partner fixed on the amino acid Tryptophan. This is what the body uses to make Serotonin which is implicated in depression. She just typed "Tryptophan Containing Foods" into Google and up came any number of pages. That determined a lot of what I got fed. It is worth doing.

But Fluids are way more important. You can go months without eating and come to no harm but if you don't drink things go wrong in weeks.I didn't drink for 3 weeks and ended up in hospital with dehydration that the doctors claimed was life threatening. I did end up on fast running drips for a considerable while. Since the daily recommended consumption of fluids is 2 litres a day, I think, this can be a problem. But it really is critical.

You don't mention whether your daughter is receiving therapy. NICE, who produce guidelines on any number of different conditions are quite clear. They recommend that moderately or severely depressed people should receive an intensive psychological treatment as well as drugs. So if your daughter isn't then she should be. It only needs a GP referral.

Hopefully by now your daughter is happily swallowing Prozac and beginning to return to her old self. But if she isn't remember that there are 25-26 different anti-depressants on the market. That is a lot of choice and the chances of something working are good. Though the process used still tends to be trial and error.

What I have written seems pretty small stuff in relation to the magnitude of the problem you face. But if you wanted to ask something specific you could always send me a personal message.

Love

Steve Wellam

[kutuup]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is in such a bad way. The thing that makes depression difficult to beat is that it convinces you that even if you did beat it, what would be the point? Would you really gain anything? It's a vicious cycle, but luckily it can be broken.

I would suggest two things which were beneficial for me:

1: CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) - This is a type of therapy that looks at your core beliefs and trains you to behave and think in ways that make you less vulnerable to falling into another depressive cycle. It also trains you to think positively about yourself and the world, but not in a happy clappy false sort of way, in a REALISTIC way. It takes time but I found CBT highly effective and very helpful.

2: Diazepam (Valium if you are in the US) - Be VERY careful with this one. For one thing it's a highly addictive drug, for another, in some people it will alleviate depression very effectively, in others it will make it worse. Try a very small dose, 2mg maximum, and see if it helps, if it doesn't, don't worry, it will wear off within a few hours. If it does help though, like it helps me, you will find it works incredibly well. Don't rely on it though, save it for the VERY worst days and be sparing, consider it a get-out plan if she gets in a very bad state. Try a very small dose to start though, and never go above a 10mg dose in one day, preferably in a week. You will also need a prescription for Diazepam/Valium and doctors are loathed to prescribe it for depression (for good reason), but have a chat with them and ask if you can try it.

Other medications I found were effective are Citalopram, which helped with the depression, but didn't help the anxiety I had at the same time. I'm on Venlafaxine at the moment and that seems to keep me on an even keel 6 days out of 7. I always carry some Diazepam as a crutch, but after CBT and finding a medication that works for me, I rarely need it (maybe once a month tops).

I hope she finds a treatment that works for her soon!  *()