Hi guys,
Not been on the forum for 11 months or so, and joined originally in november 2011 when I first started to get help from the GP's.
Basically I was on citalopram from October 2011 - November 2012
I got into a relationship in September 2012
Due to a loss of a good friend (aged 27) to Aplastic Anemia in October I lost the plot again and the Citalopram got put to its max doseage..
Managed to cope after taking sick leave from work for a few weeks, and things seemed to be okay concidering.
The Citalopram was affecting sleep and my relationship, at the start of December I went back to the GP's, got sent to see a locum GP (again!) and he decided that I should STOP CITALOPRAM THERE AND THEN, and put me on Mirtazapine.
I questioned this stopping of Citalopram without gradually lowering the dose and he said it was fine.
Well the Mirtazapine made me sleep, it was amazing for that. But other than that my mood was terrible, I was getting violent and angry with everything. I am sure this is more down to the Citalopram come down!?
Went back to the GP's a few days before Xmas day, and the GP told me that I should continue to give them chance to work.. My girlfriend and myself both pleaded that this was a bad idea as my moods were getting quite violent and angry towards everything.. he stood by his decision.
This promted her to take me to her GP's, whom of which I got an emergency appointment. She explained everything to him as I had pretty much had enough at this point.. He took the Mirtazapine from me, and put me on Amitriptyline.
I was on that until around March. Then I got fed up of having to go to the GP's each month. The new GP was only available during my work hours and booking an appointment was pathetic at the time (now they have upgraded the system to allow you to book an afternoon slot at 8am.. it was stupid)
I have felt fine for near 3 months with no antidepressents. The last time I self harmed was December too.
But now its back with a vengeance.
I have to plan everything ahead or I get pissed off.
I'm breaking down and crying.
I'm thinking the worst of the future, always panicking about money, or what will happen in a week, month, years time.
It is affecting my relationship again (I'm amazed it lasted this long anyway)
I'm scared of admitting failure and going back to the GP
I hate it when they ask you what the problem is, I don't know what starts this?
All I know is that I overthink EVERYTHING, I panick about everything, If I can't control it I get angry.
Organising things in the kitchen cuboards to be in lines of the same items etc etc
Ive been going to the gym, 5 nights a week.. and even missing a night sends me into a stress or rage, its like I latch onto things and make them a routine, (before you ask, I'm not on any added extras like most men at the gym)
I'm sorry for my rant. I needed somewhere to vent.
