worried in need of help

[petop86]

Hi my name is Terry and I am really suffering at the moment I'm 26 and I've been battling with my mind since I have been 15 and I don't know what's wrong with me  and I have never spoke to anyone about any of this and I was hoping for some help and advice about my problems.                                              I would like to start off by saying I don't feel depressed all the time some days I feel okay but the last 2 months or so I have become almost a recluse and its like I battle against my own mind all the time and its like my brain is 100 mph 24 hours a day and I can't concentrate on the most basic things like I struggle to hold down conversation sometimes because my mind goes on overdrive.                               The strange thing is I'm not depressed about any individual issues in particular. I lost my job recently due to just breaking down inside a customer's house I just started crying and I knew then I needed help I have tried to take my life once when I was in the army at 18 I took an overdose and I never had the courage to seek help from any doctors.                                                                                                                 I have thought about taking my life on a number of occasions but I have always had this dream of overcoming whatever is wrong with me and helping people out with the same problems however at the moment I haven't got a clue what's wrong with me and I'm scared if I go to the doctors I'm gonna get drugged up and loose my personality.                                                                                                       If anyone could shed any light on what they think I'm suffering with from there experiences I would be really thankful and it feels good to speak about my problems thanks once again Terry.

[Pip]

 sign0016

I've suffered with depression since my early teens but I wasn't diagnosed 'officially' until 2005.  Despite things going on with mt life generally I didn't have any reason to be depressed about so in a sense I was in denial until I hit rock bottom.  Even then I wasn't thinking I was depressed until I spoke to my doctor and it was as if a weight lifting. 

You do need to speak to your doctor to get the right diagnosis though.  It will help to talk about how you're feeling apart from anything else.

[petop86]

Hi Pip thank for your reply I just don't know what to do because I can't talk to my parents very easily and I don't really like talking about my problems face to face hence I don't wont to go the doctors I just don't know why I can't overcome it the only way I ever feel better is if I exercise but I only feel better for about 30 minutes. I have even thought about buying online antidepressants just so I don't have to tell anyone I'm just confused my brain feels like jelly 

[Sweetpea]

Hi and welcome, how you are feeling is normal for someone suffering from depression.  You are not alone there are many more people than most people know that are suffering.  There does not have to be a reason.  Your Dr will understand.  Is there one particular Dr at your practise that you would feel more comfortable with? Or if you feel unable to talk face to face maybe ask for a telephone consultation.

Buying medication over the internet is not as good idea, your Dr will prescribe the right medication for you, as there are many different ones.

S x x x x

[petop86]

Hi shaz thanks for your reply it really means a lot I just hate myself for letting this get the better of me I had a good job good money and I have let this get the better of me and now I have nothing I have no job I have shut my friends out and its all my fault. If I go to the doctor and pour my heart out I just know he won't listen he will be just yeah take these and rush me out the door.

[Sweetpea]

It has not got the better of you, its an illness.  Many of us feel this way, I know I did, but I had to get help, with the aid of medication, I could get my life back.  Medication is not everything but it helps us to get ourselves better.  I would be very surprised if your Dr did not understand.  As I have said, depression is really very common, it is not something that people talk about, and there is nothing physical to see.

Please at least think about going to speak to your Dr.

S x x x x

[Michael Frankum]

Hi Terry. Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't think that anyone here can fight this damned illness alone. It's always difficult to find someone that you feel comfortable enough with to air your problems to, but it's important. YOU are important. Your exercise regime helps. Exercise releases endorphins into the system - a natural  pain and stress reliever, so that's always a good idea. If you read the posts here, you will find that, although we share many experiences, there isn't any one single factor that hits us all the same way. Please don't feel so bad about your situation. It's like any other illness you need help to fight and overcome. Best wishes.

[petop86]

Thanks to everyone for all your kind messages it means so much I will consider going to the doctors however I don't think I'm ready yet to accept help I know it sounds stupid but I don't feel ready yet to let anyone in. I know this might sound like a stupid question but did you all know deep inside when it was the right time for you to seek help and allow people in.

[Pip]

How you're feeling is quite normal for people who suffer with depression.  There is that stigma which doesn't help.  I agree with shaz that it's not a good idea to get pills from the internet.  I have heard of some awful stories of people buying pills this way for all sorts of reasons which have caused illness and even death.  Sorry, don't want to scare you but you're better off not taking anything unless it's prescribed.  I know from experience that it's not easy to see a doctor over depression so when you get the courage your doctor will help.

[Catbrian]

All the things you say about becoming reclusive, battling with your own mind and the lack of concentration are all certainly symptoms of depression.  I used to be in fierce battle with my own mind for a long time when I was also reclusive.  To a degree, you could say I am still reclusive.  The depression zaps all our energy, the confidence and self-esteem.  The last thing we want to do is meeting and dealing with other people

I can understand the reluctance to move forward for help. I think we all chose the time when we were feeling ready to approach a GP.  The first time is always the worst.  We are opening ourselves up and baring our souls, so it is only natural we fear what happens next.... a fear of the unknown, really. 

One day, you will feel ready.  However, what I will add is that your GP will be interested in your depression.  It's not a big thing to him/her.  All you need to say is "I'm depressed" and he/she will talk you through the rest.  In many ways, the quicker you get treatment, the quicker you start to recover

I use medication, as do many others on the Forum.  It doesn't change your personality.  If you find the right antidepressant for you, it can improve the quality of your life.  Whatever you do, do not buy antidepressants via the net.  They need doctor supervision.  PLUS, they are known to be fake.

Sorry, got a bit carried away there.  I hope you find the Forum helpful

[petop86]

I think I will carry on just battling it on my own for the time being I think your right about the online antidepressants I would just be guessing at stuff. I think some of the not seeking help comes from my time in the army its kind of drilled into me that asking for help is a weakness and that I should be able to solve anything even though deep down I know it's not a sign of weakness asking for help is a part of life.

[Michael Frankum]

Hello again Terry. Just don't forget that this is a useful place to air your thoughts and ideas, without any fear of getting judged. The people here have been constantly supportive and friendly to me, and I'm sure that you will find the same. Best wishes. Michael. 

[petop86]

Hi thanks Michael I have been really thinking about everything people have said I have this tendency to analyse everything it's part of my problem and I am going to go to the doctors and hopefully take the first steps to recovery I am actually looking forward to finding out what has been causing me to do stuff so out of character I have been reading some of the different kinds of depression people suffer with and it makes me realise I'm not on my own. Thanks to everyone again because I'm in such a bad place just reading the replies makes me feel a little better.

[Michael Frankum]

Yes, I too tend to over anylyse everything. I sometimes think that this is a ploy to keep me from actually doing anything. I have found that it's good to hear that other people are suffering similar problems, but that seems selfish. But the people here understand. You are not alone. Michael.

[Catbrian]

Yes, I also over analyse things.  The thing is Terry,  I'm sure you'll find it easier to talk to the GP, than you anticipate.   Going to see the GP doesn't necessarily mean you can agree to taking meds.  many people live through the depression but don't like to go down the medication mode.  Instead, they use all other coping strategies.  The GP might offer antidepressants, but please don't feel obliged to say yes, if you feel unsure.

At the end of the day, it needs to be what makes you feel the most comfortable.  How long have you been out the army?

Wish you well, we'll be thinking of you