Well first steps

[servusmartis]

Just saying hello as not sure what how and what to do.

Have many things dragging me down so maybe this will be a good start

[servusmartis]

Life is good to most and to me but the weight on the shoulders is what the problem is.

Complicated history from many years ago and while things are happy in family mostly and household its the up and down inside that doesnt help.

Have great family wife and two kids and they are brilliant maybe life feel very full and fulfilled. Job is good and in general rest of family is ok as families can be.
However 13 years ago  hammer fell when my mother passed away weeks post my wedding since then I inside havent really felt normal.

Hit a very low after that and took years before I even accepted that fact what saved me was my wife and throwing myself into work and life. Then children came 5 years ago and then really helped, before that anything most people enjoy as simple as xmas I could not face.

However to this day I just find I drop to a super low, I yo yo from being happy to dropping to super low where I cant stand being around anyone and just want to lock myself away in a dark room alone
Get from normal to going off handle for minor things usually followed by serious lows. Not mention emotionally I find smallest things leave me babbling like a baby.

THis leads to the usual things of trying to find comfort in the basics say junk eating or on the very very rare occsaion a good drink which as we know neither is good. Luckily that part of my head is good and always keep that under control to a point 1 a year is the norm whcih is good. But as with all today life stress is there that leads to the above putting me down more resulting in other problems.

I found a lot is linked to SAD as winters are far far worse then when its summer but just not sure how to get it under control. Its not fair on those around me and I just wish I coudl get past it.

Will be good to get my head around this just to be more aware. Some I know is physiological but also cant get my head around head games. Have suffered a lot of head trauma due to my sports career and cant shake the feeling something is there as well and I'm stuck with it but could also be not helping my mental state. Have had enough MRIs do do a 3d map of my brain but as they find out each year with new studies there is more to it then they know. 

You read about these symptoms and thoughts and it scares me sometimes when I think what if it all ended was terminated as its such a easy way to sort it. Luckily my honor side with responsibility to be there for my wife and kids keeps such things at bay and away from front of my thoughts. Though it scares the crap out of me that these thoughts linger.

Hopefully talking to people on here will be a start to help as really dont know what where to do.  I'm just glad I have such loving family and its the smile on my kids faces that actually makes me happier than I can be but as I type this I still blabber for no reason.

Sorry for blabbering but its hard to put this into sensical sentence sometimes. Maybe writing about it will be a good way to actually remove this mess and put it in order

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome   . The forum is a lovely place, you find support and advice here. A lot of us find that by writing about how we feel helps.

S x x x x

[servusmartis]

Thank you I think you are right its amazing how better I slept last night and do feel a lot better today.

As you said getting it out via a medium sometimes is the good start

thank you

[Pip]

Hi and welcome, depression doesn't discriminate against anybody.  Finding the courage to talk about it openly even on this forum will help as you will get support. 

[stewart]

Hi servusmartis, welcome to the forums,
having a place you can put your feelings or thoughts down can be a big help to a lot of people.

here you can do just that and not be judged,

[Metaxa]

Hello and welcome,
 I've found this forum is really good and helping me :) hope it helps you as well

[Catbrian]

Hi...welcome... you describe a typical emotional rollercoaster of moods of a depressive.  Sometimes, it gets so weary to keep up the fight.  The Forum is a great place to write and read of other's experiences.  It can help to know we are not alone.

[servusmartis]

Thankyou everybody I think for me the hardest thing has been working out is this normal or not.

We all have tough times , stress but sometimes you just dont realise its more than that.

Thank you its funny since I posted above its been first time ever I spoke out and actually I felt better, much better. As if I just took something off me a big weight.

I just need to work out how to track the symptons and see how to control things to avoid dropping to the lows as its not a nice place to be

[Sweetpea]

It really does help to talk to others who understand, it stops us feeling so alone.

Maybe keeping a journal of your feelings will help you.

S x x x x

[servusmartis]

That might not be a bad idea thank you

[Catbrian]

I have found the Forum to be a very therapeutic place, where everyone shares their life experiences, listen to others and, for me personally, it all adds up to a better recovery. 

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome *()  everyone here s lovely and will help as much as they can 

Z xxx

[servusmartis]

thanks everybody its really nice to finally have some where to voice my thoughts.

Funny how my cycle rotates been few day sand today again I feel sliding down thought no idea why maybe time to rest nice weekend with family might help

hope you all have a good easter weekend

[musicken]

Hi

Just wanted to add my own welcome :) Hope you're doing ok today.