advice for helping someone else

[junior]

Hi all, hope everyone is well.
As you know from my others post's ive not been doing to well myself, but im really worried about louise, the only person in her family she care's for and see's is moving a long way away and louise isnt coping very good with this and everything that has happened between us, also her family do not talk to her now for many stupid reasons.
She doesn't talk to anyone about anything, i felt so useless last time she was this bad and cant help but feel for her as i still love her deeply and want to help, Louise did call me last night and we talked for a while which i think helped her but i had to hide how i was feeling inside about us.
Today Louise went to see the family member i mentioned and when she got back she was a mess, shaking and tears all i wanted to do was to hold her and take all the pain she is feeling away but i cant and didnt do either of them,it was so hard not to show my emotions.
I dont know how i can help her before it was easier and we were together so i could be honest with her and she could be honest with me, she talks more over the phone to me than face to face but i have had to move back in with my dad so dont get much time to myself.
On top of all that i have taken a few over dose's and my insides are really hurting, i know thats my own fault but im not sure if i will be here next week as the pills can be slow acting, if i knew the answer i could just try and help her anyway i could and not care about my own feelings as i know what would happen.
Today we were talking about one of my famliy members who tried to end his life but louise judged him straight away for trying to do what he did, it scars me to know how she feels about it as i have been trying to do the same thing and want her to understand why i took all those pills not hate me for it.
Please if anyone could help in any way i would be very thankful.
Junior

[Michibelle]

Hey Junior,

Hope you're doing ok today.  I'm not sure how to help you directly with Louise, but I think that you are obviously still really important to her if she feels like she can talk and open up to you.  I know it's going to sound hypocritical and judgemental, and it genuinely isn't supposed to, but I think the best thing you can do right now is go and see a doctor, go to A&E if your insides are really hurting.  Tell them about the overdoses.

I honestly think the worst thing that you could do for Louise right now is not be here anymore -- could you imagine how much it would hurt her to have her close family member move away and then for you to end your life?  You are probably the only two people in her life who mean anything to her and if she loses you both in such a short space of time I really would worry for her.

Please Junior, I know it's difficuly for you, but what you said about the pills acting slowly is right -- my mum's cousin overdosed at a very young age, and when he woke up the next morning to find that they hadn't worked he hung himself...  The doctors said if he hadn't he would have died a really horrible, slow and painful death over the next hours and days if he hadn't hung himself.  I think a lot of people don't realise this...  Pretty much your organs just give in one by one and I can't imagine anything worse.

Sorry, I know I'm going on a bit here but I'm really worried for you and now for Louise too...  Please, please go to the hospital.

Michibelle x

[junior]

Hi Michibelle,
Thankyou for your reply.
I know what the pills can do but i cant go to the doctors as i dont want everyone to know what ive done.
Louise seems a little better today and started to talk to her sister, im not sure if she does care about me now in some ways i hope she doesnt.
My insides feel a little better today too just tender but im exhausted, i know it might hurt some people if anything happens to me but my life couldnt really get any worse.
I feel really selfish and sorry for doing what i have done but i cant take any more mental pain.
Junior.

[lightenup]

Hi Junior Michibelle has given a great response to your dilemma, but you have said one correct thing about your actions ...........selfish.  Yes I know I am the pot calling the kettle black.  My stomach is so distended with a couple of incidents and I am feeling really unwell.  I should know better, as my son is a Pharmacist and would appalled at my actions.  However I do understand when you feel your backed in a corner, and your mind tells you it would be better if you are elsewhere, but when we are back up out of the dark pit our logical heads tells us we are just stupid....  Frankly my cousin has had depression problems all her life, and when her husband took his life she blamed herself for a long long time, until she realised he was being selfish and she ended up being very angry.  You know Louise is asking a lot of you, and do you realise just how great you are by picking yourself up to help her.  Please please ring someone the next time you are down, and you know others on this forum are also crying out for help and understanding and great advice which you have been giving.  Get help from your Dr, they will understand.  Take care x   

[junior]

Hi Lightenup,
What i have done may be selfish but life for her and everyone else would be easier if i wasnt around, they might hate me for it and in most ways i hope they do that way i wouldnt be missed.
I used to think i would and could do anything for the people i love but walking away form them is too much for me, i have felt like a broken man for a long time and now im on my knees looking for an easy way out, im a weak person i know but cant go on like this, how can someone let go of the only thing they have ever loved and wanted even more than life itself?
Im not physically hurting much today but last night i was and thought and hoped i wouldnt wake up today but here i am again, struggling hurting and cant cope with life and anything in it including my own mind.
I know familys fall apart everyday and they "move on" but im nothing like other people never have been and louise isnt either,it wasnt or isnt just my family i have lost my whole life has gone, i have nothing but clothes and i can fit all those in one small bag i have lost everything.
Im not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me im just trying to paint a picture of my life right now, and hope no one cant truly relate to me because the pain is too much.
I do miss the life i had but would never want it back and i dont see a future for myself.
Back on topic Louise is doing really well even without my help which hurts but i am happy for her and hope she continues to be happy with her life.
Junior

[lightenup]

Hi Junior, sorry if you misunderstood my post I was just emphasising what you said about yourself.  I won't understand your circumstances fully, as we all differ on what has set us off on this path.  However I again do understand what you are doing to yourself, I have tried twice, last time on Saturday night.  A great cocktail I thought, I am sure you are feeling rather unwell with the effects of taking too much, because I know I have only felt worse.  Been to CBT this week, have been set on to keep a daily diary, get up at a certain time, wash breakfast walk blah blah blah.  We all understand the concepts, but it is sometimes hard to break the mould.  I didn't tell the Dr about my OD (shame wouldn't let me), but he has upped my meds, to help me. The reason why I tried was I thought everyone would be better without me, when I feel a little better and my brain thinks logically I know I'm wrong, my father and mother in law urgently needed my help this week.  The posts from yourself and others on this forum don't leave me isolated and help a great deal.
Btw i think you are a strong person in dealing with Louise, please take care and talk to someone if your feeling low. x %^&   

[junior]

Hi Lightenup,
Sorry but im a little moody today.
Its good to hear you are ok after all the pills you took and hope you continue to feel better.
It was late sunday night when i took the last overdose they just made me feel very sick at first then i had pain in my liver and kidneys, i still feel sick and confused today and know something isnt right inside me but im not sure, i want to know if i will be here again tomorrow or the next day or even if im going to die, because then i could tell someone what ive done without the doctors trying to help because its to late.
Sometimes but not very often mostly just before i fall asleep i get scared about what i have done but it passes with in a few minutes.
I can be stronger to help other people and i have been, i found it help me and my own depression when i made someones life just a little easier or see them smile or laugh when they are finished talking about their problems, but i cant be strong for myself because i dont care the most i do is shower.
Junior

[Cazkitten]

Junior, please go to a doctor if you still don't feel right. You could have done some internal damage with those pills. I can understand why you took them, I've been there. You need to check you're physically OK. Also mentally, you took an overdose, you need support 
I'm not sure it's possible to support someone else when you yourself are depressed. Just be there as much as you can for her. It sounds callous but you are not responsible for her, so don't feel you are.

[lightenup]

Hi Junior, I hope you are ok, and we all get moody part of the illness i guess...............for me the scary thing is the BAD TEMPER which I take out on my poor hubby (wonder how he sticks me).  Please try and not OD because I know I have felt so crap from taking too much and am quite scared now as stomach is so bloated and I feel really sick.  Oh I know we make it sound so easy but you are important and you are worth it no matter what your head tells.  Goodness I am so great at advising and so crap at listening to myself , you know we all mean well when asking you to ask for help.  It was explained to me at CBT this week, its just like calling in a plumber or electrician in when job gets too big for one to cope with.  Take care %^&

[junior]

Hi i am still here, i haven't taken anymore pills and haven't been to the doctors either, but my kidneys really hurt.
Lightenup i know the sick feeling as ive had it for a whlie now more so after i took the last pills, ive never felt sick in that way before as i can feel it in my chest, strange feeling.
I hope you get well soon.
Cazkitten i dont feel at all responsible for Louise but i do love her deeply and dont think that will ever change.
A lot of stand up comics had depression, i find it helps to help others and see them smile or just relax for a while.
Junior

[Cazkitten]

OK junior, sorry I misunderstood, but many depressive people do have a tendency to feel responsible for others, as if they can make the person's pain go away. You can't. I know you love her and wish she wasn't hurting, though, and that's really hard, but all you can do is...all you can do. (If that makes sense). Hope you're feeling a bit better.

[junior]

Hi cazkitten,
You have nothing to be sorry for, im really missing my family now and im still hurting more so now than ever, I wouldnt wish my life on anyone but would be happy to hand it over.
Junior

[Cazkitten]

So sorry to hear that. Feel crappy myself today. Thankfully I have a truly wonderful friend who I met up with, if I hadn't, I'm scared of what I would've done. This depression thing is evil, hey? Hang in there, and please talk to someone about how you're feeling.

[junior]

Hi cazkitten, im sorry you feel so low right now its good to know you have someone who cares about you.
Today I was told my kids have meet louise's new partner, its killing me and more than I could ever cope with, I wish the pills I took would work but I dont think they will im not sure, if I didnt live so far away from anywhere I would buy alot more,i cant in on to see my family being happy without me its too much.
Junior

[smq]

hey there junior,

i'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. i understand the sadness you feel when you feel that you're unimportant to your family and that they 'can be happy without you'.. but that does not mean that they do not think of you as unimportant. i'm very sure that your kids will always remember you as their dad even if they have met the other guy.. i know because i have a friend with divorced parents and he still has a loyalty towards his father no matter who his mum's new partner is. i hope you can take some comfort in that. i hope that this forum will help you to cope better and make you feel less lonely. i'm sure the people important to you still care about you because you have made an impact on their lives in the past. they will never forget you. hope you're doing better.

smq