Haha, it is quite refreshing to chat to someone so on my wavelength!
My doctor prescribed fluoxetine and I did take it for a few days but it made me feel so icky that I stopped taking them... Although I'm now thinking that was a bad idea because I can feel myself getting worse. And I was referred to a psychotherapist too - I have my first session a week on Monday and have NO idea what to tell my boss.
I work in a really small solicitors office -- there is me, the solicitor and his paralegal! I'm actually well qualified -- have my degree and diploma and have a job as a trainee solicitor with the Crown Office & Procurator Fiscal Service to start next summer, so this is just something to tide me over until then. The problem is that since I started, 2 people have left and I have been basically left to take over their jobs (which means I now do all of my research and drafting from the reception desk and am also the resident cleaner/tea & coffee maker/general dogsbody!). It's really disheartening when you've spent 5 years at uni working hard for a career and then got a year's experience to wind up in a sh*te job like this, and being paid pretty much nat min wage!!! Galling, to be honest.
So I find that even when I have busy days, I can do little else but stare at the computer screen. I feel like I spend 8 hours in a total trance all day -- my boyfriend just called for a chat and ended up cutting the convo short just because I was depressing him so much. This forum is literally the only thing that gets me through my working day. I just have far too much time on my hands.
I generally try to live day to day because I never know how each day will pan out! I obviously have long term plans -- like my new job etc, I knoww where I want to bei na few years' time. But between now and then, it's just a case of getting by until something better happens.
anyway, going off course there a bit. My colleagues (all 2 of them) don't have a clue about my history or my depression. Because it';s such a small office and it's in a really small town as well, and everyone just LOVES to gossip and know each others' business. Even my immediate family don't know because I'm too scared to tell them. So that makes matters worse for my partener because he's the only one I can actually chat to (and even at that, I don't really).
You shouldn't feel stupid about the way you feel, it's not something you have any control over. It soundsl ike you have a really good perspective on thing though, like you understand yourself and how things affect you which I think is good.
How is the psychiatrist working out for you? I have seen numerous counsellors (all of whom have been complete buffoons, btw!) and it has completely put me off seeing "professionals".
Sorry for the super-long reply, it has been quite nice to engage my brain for 5 minutes while I type this!! LOL
