Now, where to start? First, I should preface this by saying that I do not suffer from depression, I never have and touch wood, I won't in the future. The reason I'm posting this is because I live with someone who does. For the sake of anonymity (indulge me, please), her name will be Emma. I am 26, and she is 22, and we've been living together for the better part of a year and a half now. Although it will be our second anniversary this month, we've been seeing each other for roughly two and a half years.
Although she was always one of the personalities in her group of friends, she's been on antidepressants for quite a while, and only came off them after meeting me. I didn't even know she was on them, but she says her life changed for the better when I came along and she no longer needed them (I don't mean to sound big-headed, I'm not). A while later we moved in together, and things were fantastic at first. However, since then things have gone downhill, and finally came to a head this week. She has quite a firey temper which she gets from her dad, and she's prone to look on the negative side when things go wrong, whereas I'll find a way to sort them out. The downside to this is that she's stuck in a rut and because of her negative mindset, it's been getting worse and worse. This is complicated/caused by various interlinked factors which all conspire to drag her down. Her job sucks. She struggles to sleep. She has chronic sinusitis which makes her cough and sneeze for a long time before she can settle down at night. Her dad isn't supportive in the slightest. The list goes on.
It probably stems back to her dad, he's very much the 'tough love' type. However, of late it's been worse. Emma could do with losing a little bit of weight (not much, just half a stone maybe), but rather than be supportive, he tells her she's fat, to her face. I know how demoralising that is as I had to lose 5 stone before I got to the point of being happy with myself. We're currently trying to get her a new job, and he shoots her down, telling her that the ones she's applying for won't pay enough, or she'll never get them. Don't get me wrong, I get on really well with him and he's a nice guy, but his parenting skills leave a hell of a lot to be desired. His 'advice' about the job situation is probably him trying to stop her getting her hopes up too much, but that's not the way to go about it.
I've suggested counselling before, however she's always point-blank refused. She used to confide in her best friend Denyse, until Denyse decided she was going to steal Emma's boyfriend (of the time) from her. Since then, she's always had trust issues. However, this week work has just been horrendous, to the point where I think she was close to having a breakdown. I can tell it's bad, as she has said she wants to speak to a counsellor. I arranged a doctor's appointment for her with the intention of her getting a referral for counselling or CBT, but my worry is that she'll need to believe they're going to work for them to work, but that's difficult as she's always been so dead against them. I can't tell her this though as it'll only make her feel worse because she doesn't believe in herself in the first place. She often speaks of suicidal thoughts too, although I don't know whether she would carry them out. She did use to cut herself though.
It's incredibly hard to be that person on the outside looking in. You have so many ideas and ways you could help them, but sometimes you just have to go with it and just be the person who's there for them. It's so hard being that rock though, when all you want to do is cry with them, but you can't because they need you to be strong. I do everything I can, but all I really want is for her to be happy.
I'm working on it from as many angles, but trying to be two people is hard. I'm trying to get her a new job, I'm working on getting rid of her sinusitis. I'm hoping that clearing her breathing will help her sleep better, cough less, ease her headaches. Trouble is, they need to happen yesterday, but there's just not enough hours in the day. I'm worried I'm going to burn myself out.
When I was thinking about writing this, I had so many things I wanted to say, but when I try and type it I get a mental block. I've missed a ton of smaller stuff, but it all ties into the bigger picture.
My point is this; I know you're having a hard time of it, but it's hard in so many other ways for any onlooker who is privy to the full extent of the situation. There is someone that cares though, even if you don't believe it.
Whilst writing this, I've had Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen song on in the background. If you know the song, you'll know how much truth there is in it.
p.s. sorry for the rambling and meandering mess you've just read, kudos if you didn't skip any of it!
