Hiya, I'm new here and would love some help/ advice :(

[Davies]

I’m in my final year of Uni, living abroad. I’ve made a few friends at Uni but always been very close and dependant on my boyfriend who lives just two hours away, we planed on moving in together this summer. I’ve always had low self-esteem and havnt had the easiest growing up with family problems. I’ve self-harmed a lot recently and begun to actualy hate myself and think I’m a bad person. I agreed to go see somebody if my bf would support me but he recently broke up with me on our 2 year anniversary, he said he just didn’t love me anymore. This is killing me and I began self-harming very bad with thoughts of suicide as I feel like a waste of space. My mam is now in hospital so I’ve flown home and just feel totally lost. I’m trying to fight off the idea of taking my own life but another day known alone, without my boyfriend, the idea grows stronger. He begs me to go talk to somebody and calls me when I want to do it but I just don’t know how to move on, be happy and convince myself I’m not a bad person. I gave my bf everything and he didn’t give back equally, I never gave out and was way too laid back, I feel like I must be a bad person if he can be without me? I promised him I’d try talk to somebody here, see if anybody has or is feeling the same. I don’t know what to do or how to feel L Advice and opinion very much appreciated,
-Davies

[Zaf]

I think you do need to see your GP with aim to get on some medication and go for counselling.

Z xxx

[Davies]

I'm afraid of taking medication as I've had a habit of taking more then I should, though I am starting ongoing counselling in mid January. Hopefully that will help. Thank you so much for your reply xxx

[stewart]

if you can tell your doc of your concerns over taking more than you should regarding the medication, im sure he / she will only give you maybe a weks worth at a time.
counceling is a very good thing if you can get it, i dont know what area you are in but if there is a MIND in your area they are good, (i use them myself) just google  Mind Mental Health and you should find them.

[Sweetpea]

Hello, I agree withe the advice you have been given already. Councelling should benefit you. Along with medication.

S x x x x

[Pip]

Seeing your GP should help and be honest.  The first time I opened up to a GP I felt ashamed, stupid, embarrassed and that I ws being over dramatic but if I hadn't I don't think I would be sitting here now.  I have a long history of self harming and suicide attempts.  The later isn't so much of a problem these days because I take so many meds that I have to sort them out which I do on a weekly cycle so I know what to take and when.  Anyway the point is that the GP was very sympathetic and told me I was severely depressed an whilst he had no experience of why I was depressed (mostly adoption related) he wanted to help if I was open to it.  I have never felt so relieved to be taken seriously. 

[stewart]

it is great when you have a sympathetic gp who is there and will listen to you and take in what you say seriouslly, the good ones are there for the whanting to help people, and will listen to you and try to help and make recomendations and referals in any way they can.

 unfortunatly there are some who are just in it for the money and big headedness of being the holder of a doctorate.

[Your_Friend_Tom]

Never feel like a bad person or a waste of space. You have as much right to be in this world as anyone else. I know it's very hard to split with a loved one who you have invested much time and energy into. If he can love you, then someone else can too, there's somebody out there for everyone. The hard part is not spending as much time looking back at what you had. You must focus your thoughts on what you do have, on loving yourself, making the best of your situation and being optimistic about the future. You say you're in final year of uni, so you have change to look forward to, you're on a progression path and you can do anything you want with you life once uni is finished.