winter blues

[Catbrian]

I haven't been around the Forum much this last fortnight because I'm daily fighting depression and loosing, big time.  I'm absolutely sick of feeling like this, life doesn't feel worth living when I don't know how I will be from one day to the next.  I feel so very much alone and unsupported.

Christmas day was a nightmare.  I had been trying to decorate the living room but the health issues meant I couldn't complete in time.  I woke to the flat in an upheaval, newspapers on the window and all I wanted to do was die.  I was more furious with myself for putting myself in such a depressing situation for Christmas day.  By Boxing day, I was so depressed, I made a promise not to go to bed until the whole ruddy painting was done.  I eventually finished at 4am.

Needless to say, I've been struggling with exhaustion as well as depression.  Facing the day without motivation is torture, but there's nothing else for it.  If the animals are to be fed then I need to go shopping.  This afternoon, a walk with Jack might help blow the cob webs away

I hope everyone is doing better than me...

[Zaf]

Being in a mess depresses me too Cat, and when you said you were starting to decorate so near to Christmas I was concerned you had taken on too much in a short space of time and to make matters worse you had a self imposed deadline.

I think you need to be gentle with yourself now and take things easy if you can, I dont think the weather is helping a lot of us right now either.

Z xxx

[Wallow]

I'm so sorry to hear you arent feeling great catb. You have been such a help to me with your thoughtful & understanding posts. You have made me feel like i'm not alone during some pretty desperate times. I'm feeling pretty lost at the moment & we are just about to head off to the lake district which i am petrified about. All my husband's family will be staying in a house with us & i find it so difficult being with people at the mo, it is going to be very hard. I feel like i'm leaving behind everything i consider safe. I've alsi started self harming again. Hopefully we will all feel better when the new year is over & things get back to being a little more stable. Hope you are feeling a bit better today catb.

[Wallow]

Oops sorry, didnt realize you'd just written this today. Hope tomorrow is better for you then.

[Sweetpea]

Great big  %^% for you Cat. I have been concerned that you haven't been posting. I am so sorry you have been so down, this illness is truly awful.

Hope you manage to blow them cob webs away when you walk Jack.

Much love Sharon x x x x

[Leo]

 %^%

Thinking of you.

I think it's easy to challenge ourselves (everyone keeps telling us to.), its about knowing our limitations.

My house is upside down, it has been for months. My carpets are growing fur.
It's got into that much of a state I don't know where to begin. I'm just trying to chip into things slowly.

My CBT always says to do a small task like fill the dishwasher, then go do something for you, then another small chore or task.
It is frustrating when you are used to doing more.

I can empathise with being up and down - only on Thursday was I downing sleeping tablets to escape the way I was feeling.

You know we are all here, and understand x

[stewart]

Hi Cat, sorry to hear you had such a bad time, as has been said, a walk with jack could help,
the weather is making things worse as well, if you can, try to sit back and relax just a little. easier said than done i know.

[Catbrian]

Thanks everyone for your very thoughtful replies, they do bring a great deal of comfort at such a low point.

Yes, I'm furious for pushing myself way beyond any sensible limit.  Throwing myself out of balance at such a sensitive time of year was definitely foolish

I had to get through a lot today and it doesn't do my mood any favours.  However, I got through most of it and now about to have a bite to eat.  I have a new kindle and bought the book "Shoot the Damn Dog" that someone recommended recently.  I might stay off line tonight and have an early night with the book

Once again, many thanks guys

[Buttercup]

Hope things improve for you Cat  %^%

[Leo]

Don't be angry with yourself, we all push too hard sometimes.
Take note, and take some time for yourself. Whatever makes you feel good, be it a bath, a good book or a mound of chocolate.

I bought the kindle a few months before the new one came out! I haven't been in the frame of mind to read but love a good crime fiction novel. I haven't heard of 'Shoot The Damn Dog',  let me know what you think of it.

Hope you get a good nights sleep and things look a little brighter in the morning x

[Sleepyjay]

Yes me too, hope you can get on top of things a bit easier after the hols Cat. x

[Sweetpea]

 %^% Cat. I have read the book, I found it to be very good.

You take care

S x x x x

[Wallow]

Yes i have read it too. It's really good but quite depressing in parts. I found it comforting reading about someone elses emotional hell i guess. I could hardly put it down at first just because it struck so many chords with how i was feeling. I am only just coming to terms with the fact i have depression & so i'm still quite amazed to hear about other people feeling this way. I'll be interested to know what you think of it cat.

[Leo]

Curiosity got the better of me and I've bought this. Nearly in tears and only on the second chapter. I've had to stop as my anxiety is hitting the roof.

[Buttercup]

I can't read books on depression etc, they get to me a bit as well.