Hello everyone,
I just wondered whether anyone can help me please. I have been suffering from depression on and off since I was 15. I am now 24.
I have had this current bout of depression since March and think it is linked to all the stuff going on in my life. My brother is a drug addict and ended up in intensive care last Christmas, at death's door, due to extreme drug use. My family were very worried about him, but things didn't improve when he came out of hospital in Feb and showed no sign of mending his ways. He played members of my family off against each other and led my aunts and cousin into making my mum's life hell when she refused to enable him. They felt she was being uncaring, even though she had given him money in the past and spent every night in intensive care with him.
I also have had work related problems. Around the same time my brother was ill, my line manager bullied my colleagues and I, trying to make us reach unobtainable targets and threatening us. He left me alone for a bit due to my family situation but then earlier this year, started bullying us again. Apart from this, I didn't mind the job and enjoyed seeing my colleagues. However, I felt the situation was bad and I found another job, working in customer services. I have been there about a week and a half and am finding it really hard going so far, I feel like the stupidest employee ever, as I have to keep asking questions.
I have a handful of friends who I see occasionally, however a lot have moved out of the area or are too busy to see me or even answer my texts. I spend a lot of time on my own and even though I try to enjoy being alone, I find myself getting depressed and I never really go out. I would hugely like a social group who I can hang out with, but I find it hard to find young people in my area. I do T'ai Chi and dance classes and I have also done voluntary work but it doesn't fill the void. I also feel like I haven't achieved much in my life, as I have never lived away from home. I went to a local uni and lived with parents (who I love to bits, don't get me wrong), but I have never spread my wings and I feel like people look down on me for this.
A lot of people have told me that I appear to be a happy, pretty, friendly person but I don't feel that way. I feel wrong and selfish for being like this and I'm pretty sure I come across as a loser in this post but I just want to get it out and talk to people who don't know me. I'm not really sure what I can do to stop feeling this way. I have been on antidepressants in the past and they had no effect on me. Can anyone give me someone advice on how to overcome this? I just want to be normal and I feel like my depression affects my parents, which I don't want to happen.
