Help needed

[josie82]

I just wrote a mammoth post and when I went to submit it lost it

Maybe its for the best as it was possibly a little incoherent!

The main just of it was that i feel like I've spent my whole life suffering from anxiety/depression in one form or another and that i have this problem with getting stressed out so easily with life that I'm not really able to handle very much going on at once. This is a real problem for me at the moment as I'm finding that I can't really cope with anything at work as even the smallest task is paralysing me and I'm feeling like I'm such a failure in relation to my other colleagues who are on the same level as me.

I'm very distressed at the moment because i feel like my brain doesn't work in the same way as other people's, it isn't interested in learning anything new and its not able to take in and process information very easily which means I'm very slow at work and can't think on my feet or come up with good creative ideas. I take so much longer than other people to complete tasks and I'm really worried that I'm going to eventually lose my job because of it and then I wouldn't be able to get a new job because I can't do anything on my own initiative.

I feel like I'm simply not able to think intelligently about things or to think about and query things at all for that matter, I'm meant to be going to a conference for work next week and I'm completely dreading it because I know i won't be able to focus and then I'll really struggle to report back afterwards.

I've always been scared of hard work and challenges and I've got myself into a complete hole at the moment which I just can't climb out of. It really feels like the darkness is closing in and closing down my brain and i just don't know how to stop it.

I don't really do anything of worth and I feel as if that's never going to change and therefore there's really no point in me being here at all.

I'm not really sure what I'd like to get from posting on here, probably just reassurance that I'm not alone in how I feel and some advice on medication as well as i had been on citalopram for a number of years but have not been taking it for around 8 months now and am thinking that i would like to find something else that may work better for me.

I don't quite feel this post says everything that I'm feeling right now its certainly much shorter than my last one but I'll leave it as it is and hope to hear from some of you soon.

[mat]

Without a doubt its your depression that's making you the way you are

  Why did you stop taking your medication ? If you mind me asking.

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome to the forum. You will not be alone here we all understand. S x x x x

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[EllaStar]

Hi Josie,

I'm new on here and I am feeling some of the same things as you. I've just started in a high pressure career and I feel like I'm just not up to scratch and like I maybe shouldn't even bother being around because I'm not good enough at what I do

I don't know what advice I can give because I feel pretty lost at the minute too but you're not alone!

Ella

Xxx

[josie82]

Without a doubt its your depression that's making you the way you are

  Why did you stop taking your medication ? If you mind me asking.

I had been wanting to come off it for a long time because I've always felt like i should be able to be well without it and cope with my depression/anxiety by myself. But I'm starting to reconsider that and feel perhaps I should accept that i do need some extra help.

[Sweetpea]

I used to hate taking meds and came off them. Only to get bad again. Other people take medication for other illnesses and depression is an illness. I would rather take my meds and feel well. There is no shame in asking for help. %^%. S x x x x

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[josie82]

Thanks for the support guys, it does make such a difference to know I'm not on my own here Xxx

[josie82]

I used to hate taking meds and came off them. Only to get bad again. Other people take medication for other illnesses and depression is an illness. I would rather take my meds and feel well. There is no shame in asking for help. %^%. S x x x x

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Thanks Shaz, yeah I kind of feel the same, although often feel pressured by my doctor/counsellor to come off them. What meds do you take? Xxx

[nocaph]

.

[Sweetpea]

Hi Josie I am on Duloxetine. My Dr also urged me to come off my meds once I got better. Then I got bad again, so now I have been told I will probably need a maintenance dose for life. Which is fine by me as I would rather feel well. S x x x x

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[Zaf]

I may be on meds for life too, its not something I look forward to but I wouldnt want to take insulin for the rest of my life either if I was diabetic.

Z xxx

[bookletters]

Yes me too but we don't know what the future holds I mean people who have TMS need to take hardly any meds....

[Catbrian]

Ho Josie.... I'm also partial to writing long posts and have, on a few occasions, lost it just as I was submitting.  Now, anytime I want to write a long post, I write it as a Word document, then copy and paste onto the Forum.

What you describe are classic depression.  There is a condition called "thought disorder", which is a symptom in schizophrenia, but is also present in severe depression.  I think most people with acute depression, would say they felt as you do.

Writing is a great therapy.  I hope you find the Forum helpful

[bookletters]

You are right that writing is great therapy Catb, hope you are having a good night xx

[dave208]

Hi Josie you’re not alone on this site it’s the best thing I have done. Putting into words your thoughts is in my book a therapy in itself. As for your medication if you feel citalopram is not affective speak to your Dr as there are other meds that may work better. I doubt my abilities at work as well but I have a good team of people I work with they say I am doing just fine in my job however I still doubt myself all the time. I think it’s part of the depression as when I was first diagnosed I was asked quite a few questions by my doctor and one of them was how much confidence you have in yourself mine was low.