Newbie looking for people who understand

[EllaStar]

So I'm very new to all this. I haven't been diagnosed with depression purely because I don't dare go to the doctors and tell someone that I am struggling. I have had spells of depression that have come and gone since I was about 13 but I am at my lowest point I have ever been. I've just started my career and a break down of a relationship have caused me to feel completely out of my depth and really just like a failure at life. I have days when I literally can't move out of bed and I just feel like it is the absolute end of the world. I sat in my cupboard at work the other day in the dark and just cried my eyes out. I told myself I was being pathetic and nothing will get done if I sit and cry but I just can't manage my emotions right now. I obsess about death and it is constantly on my mind that the life I am living is not really worth anything. I can't help but think that I make no positive impact on the world around me and I won't be remembered for being a remarkable person. I have no motivation or drive to do anything about that though. My friends don't know I cry myself to sleep at night and that I consider the benefits/consequences of my death everyday, and I couldn't tell them why I do because they just wouldn't understand and I'm sure they would think less of me.

I am really just looking to talk to other people who understand this feeling and can help me put all this misery into some kind of positive outlet rather than self destruction.

Ella

[bookletters]

I completely understand you and I have been through exactly the same feelings.
Please, please go and see your GP, you don't have to suffer like this, it is completely unnecessary!
With appropriate medication and / or counselling you will be happy again, just don't let this get out of hand, you are suffering unnecessarily.
Thinking of you, it is tough but there is a light at the end of the tunnel xx

[EllaStar]

Thank you :) I have considered conselling many times but have chickened out due to embarrassment. It's something I will have to make myself do eventually or I will continue to feel like this but I am just so scared of asking for help and people in my town (very small doctors surgery) knowing that I'm not 'normal' and can't function properly.

I know talking helps me to deal with my problems so I'm hoping I can talk to people on here until I'm ready to take that next step.

[Sweetpea]

Hello Ella and welcome to the forum  +-_.  you have made a big step by coming here and admitting you have a problem.  You  are not alone here, we understand how you are feeling.  I do urge you to go and see your GP I know its hard but he/she will understand, maybe write down how you have been feeling so when you go you can hand this to the dr, i know when I first went to my dr I couldn't speak for crying, they are used to this and its perfectly natural.  Thinking of you  %^%.

S x x x x

[EllaStar]

Thanks Shaz xx

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome EllaStar  *()

I'm going to be another one to recommend you go to the doctor, I know its hard but its a very necessary next step

Z xxx

[bookletters]

Ellastar, doctors know this is a medical condition and you have nothing to worry about. They won't judge you, they'll just try to help in the same way as they would if you said you get migraine etc... With medication, you will be able to function well again, I promise you xx

[EllaStar]

I'm very wary of taking medication though. I could definitely do with something to stabilise my moods though because it is unbearable when I'm really really low and don't know what to do. Not sure if there are any big implications of taking meds, I've never really considered it so haven't looked into that.

Ella xx

[vwone]

Hi I am also new to the forum, I had the same concerns about going on to medication and the DR but they are very understanding and once they explain how it helps you will feel better. It is a shame no one talks about it and it is seen as a weakness this is how I felt.

[bookletters]

Hello,
I was like you, antidepressants get a lot of bad press and I was really scared. Some people get side effects, most people only get very minor ones (dry mouth, feeling nauseous... these usually go away after about 10 days) If you get side effects that bother you, talk to your doctor. There are 20+ types of medication available so you don't have to put up with a medication that has unpleasant side effects.
Can I recommend you read Dr Cantopher's book "Depressive Illness, the Curse of the Strong" as I find his book really explains well what depression is all about. It is not a weakness, it is an illness that is highly manageable and highly treatable. You WILL be able to go back to your normal self, just please don't delay seeing your GP. In the same way as you'd want to talk painkillers if you had migraine, a good antidepressant medication really will give you your life back and help you function as you used to.
Have you done the PH-9 test for depression? Your GP will probably ask you to fill it in, alternatively, you could print a copy and take it to them. Here is a link:
http://www.med.umich.edu/1info/fhp/practiceguides/depress/phq-9.pdf
Please get in touch again if you have any question, it is completely normal to feel scared about taking medication but your GP will be able to give you the pros and cons. Alternatively, do read "Depressive Illness, the Curse of the Strong" and be kind to yourselves.

[EllaStar]

Welcome vwone :)

Thanks everyone for the advice, I will definitely take a look at that book. I will have a good think about what I do from here but I am still stupidly scared of going to the doctors! Obviously I can't carry on as I am though because it will affect my job and future relationships if I keep letting this take over.

[bookletters]

Yes, depression is best nipped in the bud. Maybe you just need CBT. In any case, don't let it get worse!! xx

[Pip]

Hi and welcome  +-_

Going to see your doctor isn't easy ~ I suffered for many years in silence ~ but crossing that bridge does help.

[mat]

I carried round my depression for a long time and it just kept building up and up and got worse by the week. Until I admitted to my doctor  that I needed help and quite honestly I'm glad I done it because I don't know what state I would be in today if I never.

Again I'm going to say to make an appointment with the doctor it does not even have to be your usual one just ask the receptionist.

At the end of the day how worse could it get by seeking help from the GP.


Welcome it's nice to meet you.

[Catbrian]

Ella.... welcome, you've come to the right place if you want to share with like-minded people.  There's still so much stigma attached to mental health.  Depression is like a secret illness

Best wishes