Is this a result of depression?

[Bubblemama]

Hi it's moany old me again. I'm sorry in advance if I bore any of you.

I started a new job back in August. After a few teething problems I am now enjoying it. I take pride in all the things I do and frightened of making a mistake. Tonight I think I have made a mistake. I feel awful. I am worrying so much I feel sick. I asked a colleague to check and he said it was fine and I even phoned again and he told me to stop worrying but I'm not convinced. I am shaking, crying and pacing the house. My husband and I have now argued so its all gone wrong. I am on days off now so will phone in the morning but this will be the longest night. I have a feeling this will feel like a night when I was at my lowest and they went on and on. I worry more now than I did before my depression was diagnosed. I worry of upsetting people, getting things wrong, being shouted at etc. is this normal? Has anyone else felt like this?

[mat]

Yeah felt like it more than one occasion especially with the job I'm in. (Healthcare), usually my heart starts racing.

What you need to think now is. Whats done is done nothing is going to change what happend, your co worker has reassured you twice,   its only natural for you to feel the way you do  if you think you have made a mistake  , you need to try and relax, slow down and breath. 

My saying is.  That we only learn from our mistakes   - If you have made a mistake which I doubt you have  just your mind playing tricks on you  I take it you have anxiety problems ?

[Bubblemama]

Hi Mat.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I do have major anxiety problems. I have always been a worrier but since my diagnoses it has got a lot worse. I also believe in your saying too we do only learn by our mistakes. I work in travel and my mistakes could leave people stranded and that's why I worry. I am no longer on medication for my anxiety but at times like this wish I was. All the symptoms of my panic attacks surfaced tonigh and that's why my husband and I argued. He's going away tomorrow for three days which now has made me even worse. What is going on with me?

[mat]

Your proberly scared that he is going away leaving you to deal with it alone ,  depression has major ups and major downs and triggers loads of emotions especially anxiety,   Maybe you should try and open up and explain how you are feeling if you have not already,  or if u can't talk to him. Take yourself off to a quiet place just sit or lay down close your eyes and place your hand just below your chest and take deep breaths in and out. Hopefully it should help you to relax.

If you are still quite anxious I would maybe go and see your doctor first thing tomorrow morning, at the end of the day what's the worst that can happen.

[Bubblemama]

Yes you are right that is exactly how I'm feeling. I hate being on my own anyway but right now it feels even worse. I have spoken to him and explained how I'm feeling. I even pleaded with him not to go away but no he's still going. I can't even lay down in bed as I'm so on edge. I've got to get up in 5 hours to start getting things ready for my children and now I'm panicking that I'm not going to be able to leave the house. I suffer from panic attacks and don't want my children to see it. I think you are right and I will try and get a doctors appointment. This whole work thing tonight has made these feelings resurface and I'm cross, frightened and low. I'm so sorry for going on. I feel a bit of a release when I write on here knowing people are going throughout the same thing x

[Bubblemama]

Well I have now had two anxiety attacks which have made me sick. I was exhausted with worry and what didn't help matters, my husband shouted at me  . I decided to get in my car and drive to my place of work. I left a note for my manager to have a look at my potential mistake instead of waiting up until 6am to phone and let them know the situation. I returned home to an apologetic husband and an upset son who thought mummy was poorly again. I seem to affect my children even when they're asleep  . He's in bed with us now having cuddles with a calmer mummy. I hate this illness and what it does to me!!!! I can't hit bottom again I really can't

[Got]

As an obsessive compulsive I understand what you are going through. You are ruminating - i.e. mulling over things in your head and it is causing you great anxiety.

You are asking reassurance from people to find out if this is ok, but this isn't working.  If I came to you with the problem, what advice would you give me. Is it really logical to experience this degree of anxiety over this problem?

Do you know of any tips of how to avoid anxiety and to deal with it when it occurs?

Take care,

Steve X

[Bubblemama]

At my last doctors appointment my husband suggested that I could be an obsessive compulsive as I have a routine each time I do things and then panic when it doesn't happen that way. And this is exactly what happened tonight. I left a note for my manager purely so he could check as I'm off or 4 days now and didn't want all this playing on my mind for those days. I feel much calmer now I have done that and also sent an email to the manager who sorts out staff who have made the mistakes so he knows that I will hold my hands up in an event of a mistake. In hindsight I suppose all my anxiety could have been resolved had I driven back earlier and dropped off this note. My anxiety tonight went to a new level, actually making me sick. I realise that my depression is returning so a trip to he doctors tomorrow may be in order.

I have absolutely no idea of how to deal with my anxiety as I seem to be in a different zone and can't pull myself out of it

[Catbrian]

All the anxiety and paranoia symptoms are all part of depression.  I think all of us experience them to varying degree's.

What Mat said earlier is good advice.  What's done is done and there is nothing we can do to change it.

I also deal with anxiety and paranoia and sometimes the day/week ahead feels overwhelming.  What someone suggested to me recently helps; break your week/day into small tasks and reward yourself after completing each little task. 

It does sound like you need help with your anxiety and maybe talking to the GP this week would be a good move.

I hope the next few days, without hubby, goes well

[Bubblemama]

Thanks for your reply Catb. I have seen my doctor this morning. I explained that my anxiety, panic attacks and OCD have been getting worse lately and last night frightened me. I was irrational. She has put me on a very small dose of ad's and sleeping tablets. She feels this will help me for the time being and nees to see her on a weekly basis to asses me. I must admit I was very pleased I went. When I arrived back I had received an email from my manager saying I hadn't made a mistake at work and that I don't need to worry. He hasn't any idea of my depression and anxiety. Maybe I should let him know when I'm back in. It has made me feel better slightly. I knew I should've listened to my husband instead of snapping back. Now all I want is Wednesday to come and he will be home and I will feel safe again. In the mean time I am taking some time out for my children. It'll be cuddles galore tonight, our favourite time.

Thank you everyone who has replied.