Ignorant or judgemental comments? Aaaargh!

[Flea]

Today I tried to explain to one of my very successful workmates how depression impacts me.

She said she is a glass half full person and it's a case of 'just getting on with it' and being positive.

I said to her that I agreed to a certain extent, and that I am naturally quite a positive person - but despite that it never stops the constant anxious feeling, lack of energy and feeling really down.  That internal feeling that always remains; even if you feel 'okay' it's only for a short period of time, then the usual horrid feelings return. 

If it was that easy, then I'd be cured.  It's so hard trying to make people understand.  I thought about printing off a really good article about depression and asking her to read it.  It's actually quite upset me, because perceptions at work can be very damaging.  , Now I'm thinking that workmates think I just can't be bothered to try getting better.  There is nothing I would like more than to be well, and I wouldn't wish this horrendous illness on anybody. :-( 

Have you been successful when trying to explain to family, friends or work mates how depression affects you?  And diminishing the usual stereotypes/beliefs? x

[cat69]

Hey...

The anxiety I can't even begin to explain!  Can't even explain it to myself, why I won't leave the house unless I have to...school run and that's it!!  It even seems irrational to me...but can't seem to help myself!

For just the depression I tell (women anyway) that it's  like all of the symptoms of PMS but a thousand times worse and ALL month!!  lol And the pain is in my head instead!
Or when ur really tired you get snappy and weepy... take that and multiply it and make it All the time!

Seems to sink in a little..

My dad is a depressive too, but he never got help...so he lives with it...it's just mild, and his mum killed herself after being in and out of institutions...she spent her life in her dressing gown when he was growing up...so he should know better...but even he doesn't get it completely...tells me it's all in my mind!!  haha
Guess he's had 60 years to train himself to think a bit more positive when he can...plus he grew up in a different era!

But people do tend to avoid me these days in fear that they'll set me off, i guess, and not knowing what to say...all i want is them to be themselves around me... a bit like when someone dies i suppose...you never know what to do to help, and wouldn't understand til you experience it!!

Not easy, but the thought of them thinking bad things, you need to get out of your head, and concentrate on getting better...(which they may not truly be...most of it for me is prob all in my head...and everyone gossips, along with peer pressure to mock etc...doesn't mean they really mean it, so it's actually irrelevant what they are thinking)

Hugs x

[Kyahstar]

I tbh have never braved telling anyone how I feel,

I tend to "overcompensate happiness" when people ask me how I am.. if you ask any of my friends I'm the 'happy' guy that is always up for fun.. how little they know.. kinda wish I could tell someone near me :/

[bookletters]

Kyahstar: I was like that for a long time, then I told my good friend Katie and I am so glad I did as it is a lot less tiring and it's great when you can finally stop pretending!
People's reaction are usually a lot better than you'd think....

[Kyahstar]

I know I should say something to someone but always get so tongue tied when I even try to think what is going in inside my brain! might have to write it down and give it to my friend and leave them to read it when I'm not there, will give me time to word it right :/

[bookletters]

Aww whatever helps you the most. I am sure your friends would want to help. Mine sure does, she's great to me!

[Kyahstar]

I guess my closest friend I can't tell.

She is in a worse state than me and tbh her problems are a lot more paramount.. as her dad died 5 months ago.. so I tend to spend more time making sure she is ok,
I will have to wait until she is better before I can confide in her.

Till then though I have you guys :)

[bookletters]

Of course you have us!! And we have you!

[Kyahstar]

Indeed, only joined yesterday and feel a lot better already :)

feel a lot less lonely

[bookletters]

Depression can make you feel lonely, like people don't understand and you don't know who you talk to without risking to have them tell you "get over yourself!".
This forum is great for support, it really is!

[Kyahstar]

can't tell too many people, I have a reputation to uphold for being a reasonably happy person... oh the pressure :/

but saying that I cope well considering I've had varying levels of sadness over the last 10+ years I'm doing alright :)

[bookletters]

I have a reputation for being the one who makes everybody laughs at work so same for me :)!!!
Remember though, when you are well you won't care if people know or not, in fact, you'll barely think about it!

[Kyahstar]

I think the moral really is that if they really care about you as friends they will stick by you regardless of how you feel :)

although telling that to the irrational part of my brain is the bit I'm working on

[bookletters]

Hhaah I know, I have been there!
Give yourself time to heal, you will be back to your happy self before you know it :)

[Flea]

Hijacked post, lol!  Hi Kyahstar.   +-_

Thanks cat69.  Anyone else got any helpful experiences?