Hello All

[LemonPuff]

Hello all.
O.k well I am new to this so not really sure how to word things, but here goes.
I have suffered with paranoia and depression for years. To a certain extent I was able to control both and lead a somewhat normal life. A few months ago though my Partner started to suffer with depression and I came home one night from work to find he had attempted suicide. Since then life has been a nightmare. From being blamed for the condition he is in. To being told he is going to leave me. This has sent my paranoia into overdrive as I am scared of being abandoned. I always thought I was paranoid of being cheated on, but it seems deeper than that now. Last weekend everything just seemed to pile on top of me and I just wanted out so I tried to commit suicide by overdose. I failed. I had to take 2 days off work during the week as the effects of what I had done left me weak and unable to concentrate. Now I just feel my brain is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I have booked in to see my GP on Monday about being put on to anti-depressants. But I have had a letter from work saying I have to see the Boss for an absence review. I am getting really worried now as I don't know how much to tell him. My partner works in the same place and the Boss was really supportive for him. I want to tell him everything, but I am worried everyone will find out which I don't want. If anyone could give me any advice I would appreciate it.

[Zaf]

You've done the right thing making an appointment to see your GP, if your interview with your boss is after you see  your doctor I'd suggest waiting to decide till after the appointment

Z xxx

[LemonPuff]

Yeah. Guess admitting you have a problem is the first giant step :S. Was thinking maybe I should ask my GP what to do. But will see. Have problems opening up to people face to face.

[Zaf]

Try writing it down and if you get all tongue tied give the paper to your doc

Z xxx

[Sweetpea]

I agree with Zaf writing it down before you go will help. S x x x x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk

[Catbrian]

I always write a list before the GP.  As well as helping me keep track, it also lets him be more aware of my state of mind.  Talking to the Boss should be completely confidential and supportive, but only you will know if this sort of thing usually gets gossiped about.  Maybe if you're honest, the Boss might do everything to offer support.

Let us know how you get on.  Good luck

[Pip]

 +_+

[LemonPuff]

Will do thank you all so much for your advice xx

[Catbrian]

let us know how you get on

[LemonPuff]

Wow. Can things get any worse!! My partner is now saying he wants one of us to move out for over a month to see if he still loves me or not!! Seriously what the hell is wrong with me? Also thinks that I attempted suicide for attention. That I am how I am for attention. What the hell!? Am I just destined to never be happy? Can't even describe how hurt, angry, abandoned, emotional and broken I feel right now. Yet still I love this person to bits. How do I fix it? Think I may have to go for a walk before something stupid creeps into my brain .

[Sweetpea]

I think you have said in previous posts that your boyfriend suffers with depression as well. Its an awful illness and it could be that what's making him think this way. Have you tried talking things through? He may of said things without really thinking it through %^% for you. S x x x x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk

[LemonPuff]

Well I have been put on to Citalopram ( they make me really happy hahaha) and work has offered to send me to a counciler with my partner so we shall see what happens. I have noticed that my Partner has stopped taken his medication. Do you think this could be affecting his way of thinking? He is also drinking a lot when he is not at work :S

[Sweetpea]

i personally think the fact that your partner has stopped taking his medication and is drinking could well be affecting his mood.  Hopefully the counselling will help him see he needs to take his medication and cut down on the drinking and get to the route of his depression.

S x x x x

[Catbrian]

I agree with Shaz, the boyfriends depression could be the cause of how he's feeling about the relationship.  It's never good to make important decisions when depressed.  It's definitely not advisable to suddenly stop meds and will only cloud his perception and make matters worse.  Convincing him of that, doesn't sound like it will be easy.  Some counseling might help.  Having space apart feels like a bit of  gamble, it could go either way.  Under these circumstances, perhaps the relationship has more chance of success if you both stick together and take what help is on offer.

Everything is easier said than done.  But, good luck with it...

[LemonPuff]

Well I didn't think anything could get worse, but I seem to underestimate how much the world hates me at the moment. I stayed at my mums house the other day to give my partner and I some space. But I snuck out early in the morning as I was suffering anxiety and wanted to sleep at home. I got home and there was an all to familiar looking ladies coat on the sofa. I walked upstairs and to my disgust my partner is laying in bed and she is laying where I should have been. Using my pillows. My duvet. Even writing this makes me feel so sick and distraught. Needless to say I threw her out with both of them saying nothing happened as she was fully clothed. Later got out of him this has been going on for over 2 months. They have slept together. I want so much to shout and swear at the moment. He has slept with me in these months also. I feel so dirty and violated. I lost all control and my arms are in bits where I tried to get rid of the pain. Nothing is working. I have no meds. I am sat balling my eyes out in a bed at my mums as I couldn't face living in that house now. I just wish there was a way to release . To top it all off it's a girl I have had concerns about and when I confronted him about it he said she had never tried anything with him. I have had to give everything up yet again. Have had to leave a beautiful collie/husky cross puppy behind as my parents can't have her here. He told me he was going to work it out with me. Why did he have to be so cruel