Questions

[Michael Frankum]

I had my ATOS test on Tuesday. I’ve just spent the last 24 hours asleep mostly. Crying when I’m awake, rung Mum and Dad for 30 seconds because they were going to bingo, downloaded more comics (not read any yet), sent 2 emails to my brother. Not spoken to or wanted to speak to anyone else. Watched 1 more episode of Murder she Wrote, and left the tv tuned into BBC news 24 hour channel for the company. I did go wild last night, and played 10 games of Freecell, but I can’t sustain that level of excitement forever – I’m not James Bond you know.
 
What I don’t understand is how I can have been medically assessed without the woman asking any questions about how I actually am or even looking at me. She didn’t take any notice of anything I said, except when I said that I didn’t want to wake up, and she asked if I had done anything about it recently. And I also said that the scratches on my arm were not a new attempt at self-harm. Before I COULD explain about giving tablets to Wedgie, she just said, “No, you were just careless.” What the f*** is that supposed to mean?  I don’t think that anyone can really understand how I exist without some kind of 24hr observation, and nobody can possibly be expected to do that. I accept that I am just a scum sucking leech, but if nobody can just tell me of a safe way out, what am I supposed to do? I kept trying to explain exactly what happens in my head, but she kept ignoring me while she did a net search to find out what my meds are for.

I could feel my neck and my shoulders seizing up in the surgery, but as she didn't ask me anything, she doesn't know. I started to ask her if I could take a tablet to help me, but she just said that I could go, as she had everything she needed. So I expect that I'll be passed fit for work, but who the hell will employ me? I have no patience with people. I'm argumentative and anti-social. OK, the system can't be expected to keep me, but I need something to get my head working properly. I've asked for ECT before, because either it would help, or I would hate it so much that I will stop doing whatever it is that that keeps me HERE in my head. It's like I've said when I'm asked, It will make me either &$%+ or get off the pot!


 

[Buttercup]

What a complete nightmare. I'm sure these people have already decided before you actually go!

How long do you have to wait?

Xxxxx

[Zaf]

I dont know aynything about how all this works Michael but that sounds dreadful 


 %^% %^% %^%  xxx

[Pip]

(((Hugs)))  %^%

[zeemiller]

ive been on esa since 2010 my 1st medical assesment was ok ish the 2nd was like a brief chat an updat the 3rd this year was a nightmare as sooooo in depth and stressful and after i worried for weeks that i would be passed fit for wrk howeva i was moved up from the wrk focused group into support group so it did wrk out know im lucky to have passed 3 medicals as know how hard it is n always dread the next one why we have to be assesed for same probs every year when no change v v annoying n stressful! ive found it depends on who assesss you as some nicer than others and sum horrible!

[Michael Frankum]

I don't know when I'll hear. Let's be honest, there are many people much more deserving than me. Thank you for indulging me. Best wishes everyone.

[zeemiller]

hope it all works out.

[Catbrian]

Michael.... you are so very hard on yourself.

I've had good and bad experiences with stupid men and women at ATOS.  In the olden  days, when I was on Incapacity, if you failed the medical, they immediately stopped your money.  The only way to get cash is by either signing on for Jonseekers or appealing or even selling your body.  Unfortunately for me, when I failed and appealed, I was without any income for 3 months. (No one wanted to buy my body!!)  Fortunately the new rules mean, if you fail, you have 2 or 3 stages of appeal, the last being the Ombudsman and you are paid during that whole process.  More people win than loose appeals, especially via the Ombudsman (my old chum!).

As zee says, we tend to worry too much and it can, as I found out, have a detrimental effect on our already fragile state.  It sounds to me like you could benefit from more support.  Can I ask?... are you under a psychiatrist or mental Health team?

It's worthwhile just mentioning, for anyone else facing a Capability for Work Assessment.  Apart from it being a good idea to post on here that you are about to undergo the whole daunting process....  The Directgov.uk website has a section explaining the process of assessment and the actual things an assessor is looking for, the questions, if you like.  In the case of mental health, a large part of their review is geared towards how you appear; your clothes, making eye contact, fidgeting etc.  Of course it is always a good idea to have your care documented in reports, letters etc, which you can send photo-copies with the initial Capability for Work Questionnaire.  Six months ago I sent mine back with a case load of letters and reports dating back 12 years, I wasn't sent for a medical.  Three weeks ago, I completed another Questionnaire and, this time, sent them even more reports.  I wait with baited breath!!  But, I agree, the whole process is such a stressful hassle and one we - who are genuinely depressed - could do without.  Unfortunately, it's the nature of the beast  "£"

Keep us posted

[Michael Frankum]

Hi Cat. I stopped going to a psych or any other sort of therapy, and just shut myself away a long time ago. I know that I'm lazy, and I think that I may have just locked myself into this depression, because it's easier than seeing the real world. I excuse myself with a set of beliefs that cannot be tested, and make no real effort to try to get well. My GP has tried to help, but how can anyone help when I don't try myself? In the end, I think it was just easier to keep prescribing the same stuff. I do get a review every year, but nobody sees the real me. How could they?

Wedgie was the only reason I bothered getting up in the morning. At least I can say that there was always fresh food and water for him. When I got up, I would do my injection, and show that i could care about something other than me. I'm finding now that nothing is important enough to do. Except writing this. Because it's ME ME ME once again. I eat - I'm still a fat bastard, no wasting away for me. My friend helps as much as she can. She takes me shopping at least every 3 weeks. I've never run out of food, but my meals have sometimes consisted of rice, pasta and gravy. I'm sure that is better than a lot of people get.

I seriously doubt whether there is any valid reason for me not getting off my arse and getting a job. The state can't be expected to keep me for another 20 years or however long I've got left. If I really wanted to die, I could make the cuts on the inside of my wrists instead of on the outside of my arms. I may have taken "overdoses", but I could easily look for a site which would really tell me what tablets I can take to finally die. I make excuses - I'm scared of knives - What if the tablets don't work, and I'm put on life-support? It's all bollocks. Really I just want somebody to put their arms around me and tell me that everything's going to be all right.

Why? Did mummy and daddy not love me enough? No, they were and are still the greatest parents that anyone could possibly ask for. Everything is down to me, but I just don't want the responsibility for it all. Let me go to sleep tonight, and not wake tomorrow. Who loses? Nobody.

[Zaf]

Michael, the reason you feel as you do is because you're ill, not because you're a horrid person  %^%

Z xxx

[Catbrian]

Hi Michael *()

How are you feeling today?  You are having a very rough time at the moment.  We all have a severe lack of self-esteem and, when depression has us by the boll****, our perspective can be so grim.  Your problems are never any less than anyone else's...  You are important to many people on this Forum, always actively participating/replying to everyone's postings and cracking a few smiles along the way; it all means a great deal. :mon:

Thinking of ya,  m118

[su]

Michael

I've heard the Benefits people are really clamping down on medical interviews at the moment - they are finding loads of people "fit for work" but I gather it IS WORTH appealing - as many of these decisions are overturned on appeal and they retain their benefits.

I think they're just trying to force people to prove they really need it - which is crap for the people who do, because you can be sure the people who don't even appeal the decision are the people who most need to!!

So if they say you're fit for work - try appealing

[Michael Frankum]

Thanks Su. I haven't heard anything yet, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I just can't begin to imagine any job I could do where people would choose to employ me. Perhaps offering jobs should be compulsory. I could be the next head of the Bank of England. Or opening batsman for England.  :vik: No, saying I'm fit for work won't change a lot round here.

[Munchroom]

My desicion from the lovely people at ATOS  took about three months to come through  Then they told me that although I was severely depressed, suicidal and agrophobic (amongst other things) that I was fit for work....

I did appeal, with a lot of support from my family and friends and it was overturned within minutes, but is so much stress that we really really don't need.

xx

[Sweetpea]

So feel for you Michael. This is stress you do not need. Saying people who suffer with depression is crazy, just because you cannot 'see' anything is wrong does not mean we are not suffering badly. Forcing people to return to work just makes us worse .  As for you saying you could be an opening batsman for England made me giggle. We certainly need a good batsman. Especially for our 20/20 side. Take care. S x x x x

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