is it rong to just want to feel numb?

[justme]

Today is a day when I wish I could disappear! I just feel terrible and just want to stop my brain thinking irrational thoughts constantly! Horrible anxiety and paranioa to go along with it now!! This is a new delight, everywhere I go I think people are following me and that I'm constantly being watched!! My rational mind iis fighting to reassure me but it's not doing a very good job!! Also trying to explaine how I feel to someone who doesn't have the first clue is just making me feel worse. I'm sick of having to pretend I'm ok as I can't cope with the guilt of having my friends and family worrying about me. So want to numb mself and not have to think about anything or anyone! Is that such a bad thing. Running away is what I'd love to do but my responsibilities to my children( both grown up) and my dog keep me here. Wishes and dreams of being able to wake up and feel and be happy is something I long for but just feel it's never going to happen!! Today is a horrible &$%+ day and I hate this debilitating condition.  :0(

[Sweetpea]

(((( hugs )))) this illness is truly awful. I can understand the need to want to run away. I also have felt this way. S x x x x

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[Pip]

((((Hugs))))

[Zaf]

 %^% %^%

[justme]

Thanks Shaz, the good thing about this site is that you know that putting down exactly how you feel is ok and that everyone understands. Thanks again for your reply. X x x

[justme]

Thanks Zaf and Pip. X x

[Buttercup]

That is a truly awful way to feel, I wish there was something I/we could do to make it all go away for you  %^% %^%

[justme]

Thank you Buttercup, it's something I wish I could do for my friends who suffer! If only we could take it away for others, I know I'd do it in a heart beat. Thank you for understanding. I'm glad to have found this site. X x x

[Sweetpea]

I think its because we all understand just how awful it is to feel this way . S x x x x

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[Michael Frankum]

I think that maybe it helps us to know that we aren't as alien as we sometimes feel. Others can feel the same way, maybe not everyone in every way, because we are all very individual, but we are certainly not to be outcast because of what we have experienced.   *()

[smokey]

Hi justme, can totally relate to that, just fighting the irrational thoughts and paranoia is a job in itself

[red hair girl]

No its not wrong to want to feel numb. I can completely understand wanting to feel that way. I find it best not to share whats going on in my head with people who wouldnt understand as it makes me feel more alienated and highlights how different I am.

[justme]

Gut wrenching is the feeling of the day, along with slightly elivated heart rate and that lovely sinking feeling, all this as soon as I wake up!! I made a decision not to discuss or try to make people who I know have no bloody clue about what it's like to have\feel depressed, anxious, paranoid or completly at the mercy of irrational thought! It's just a waste of my time and effort to then have what I've explained completely disregarded! Glad this sight is here and people do understand and more importantly CARE. $%$ $%$ Thank you. X

[The Pastor]

 +_+ *() *)*

[Nay]

I know how you feel lovely. Sometimes I do feel numb, but sometimes the chaos escapes. Constant struggle every day to balance out. I'm not very successful at it at the moment, but just discovering the forums here has helped me a lot today.

Take care xxx