Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old male, who has been suffering from depression on and off since the age of 17.
The last year has been the worst of my life, due to two very painful relationship break ups, the death of a loved one, and ultimately an exacerbation of the feelings of desperate anxiety and panic that has been lurking in the background of my life since the age of 17.
The latest break up of a relationship happened only on Monday, and whilst almost everyone experiences something like this at least once in their life, on top of everything else it felt like the most painful thing I had ever experienced, especially the way it happened. I even contemplated suicide on Monday night, for the first time in my life - fortunately, having done a lot of thinking about various aspects of my life this week, those thoughts have not returned, and I plan for them never to return.
I've been taking 20mg citalopram for about six months now, which was immediately increased to 40mg upon a visit to my GP this week. Although I have been told to seek counselling many times over the years, I have never done so. And despite threatening myself with it for the last six months or so, I have not sought it - until now. I am going for my introductory session next Monday, as well as starting some online CBT in the meantime.
When I am not feeling at the end of my tether, I do have the clarity of thought to analyse and understand some of my thoughts, feelings and behaviours - although not necessarily to marry the three together and resolve to make distinct improvements in my life, the way I cope with setbacks (no matter how minor in some instances) and also treat life and what it throws at me with some semblance of positivity - that is where I hope counselling will help me hugely, perhaps people can try and re-assure me that with the right frame of mind and approach to it, it should help me.
I am fortunate to have a fairly large support base of friends and family, but while I love them so much, they cannot offer the true support and help that a professional potentially can - and when I am really down, there is nothing that they can say to help. I'm joining this forum in an attempt to widen my support base yet further, and to share some of my experiences with other people who are going through, or have gone through, similar things. I hope I find it helpful, and therapeutic to some degree, and hope that with time and the right help, that I can be of some help to others here too.
Sorry for waffling, but there you have it
Simon
