Bad Patch/Obsession

[Michael Frankum]

As some of you may have noticed, I have been posting an awful lot in the various forums here. You can see from the statistics that I have spent more than 2 whole days here, in less than a month. At present, Wedgie, the forums and more obsessive behaviour are all that my life consists of. I jump in feet first instead of doing what I should. I'm not really doing anything except existing. I'm getting a headache now, thinking of what I'm trying to say. I'm not TRYING. Even now, all I'm trying do is to get somebody to say,"poor Michael. His suffering is real." No, that's not it. I'm getting obsessed, losing myself in these things. I apologise - I'm not going back to edit any of this, because this is the way I'm thinking. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm hurting badly.  _-+. I think I'm waiting to die. I don't want to kill myself. When my girlfriend died, I saw how much it hurt her parents. I'm still in touch with them.

See, this doesn't make any sense. On the one hand, I know what a worthless piece of excrement I am, but on the other hand, I say I can't kill myself because it would upset my Mum and Dad. Who am I trying to kid?

I need to take a break from the forums, to try to get some perspective. Best wishes. +-_

[Buttercup]

Oh Michael, I so feel for you and can relate to what you have said. I value your input as I'm sure others do to. When you feel ready I hope that you post again.

I post a lot quite a bit as well, sometimes I don't always post how I feel on my journal because I can't put it into words 
Like you I post when I really should be doing other things.

Please take care  %^%

[PaulaJo]

Hi Michael,

If it makes you feel better, I'll admit that I too have been feeling a little 'obsessed' or 'addicted' to the forums. It feels like a reflex sometimes - I reach for my phone to open the forums website or I go there on our computer when I get home, or as soon as I am at work.
I used to be like this with Facebook and Twitter, but the experience there was (on balance) more of a negative one (whereas the forums are a positive experience) and the forums have replaced my reflex to open the Facebook page.

I suppose it feels like a 'safe' place, 'my' place, where part of my journey is being lived out.
But I have also worried that I am living through this forum too much. Hard to describe exactly what I mean by that or why it is troubling. But I have a feeling you have an inkling.
When I told my therapist about the forum, she was encouraging about it, as long as I use it, not let it use me. She pointed out that I needed to decide what it is I want to get from it. I know that it's easy to get lost in the forum (for some people) and let it run away with you, without thinking about it and what you want it for.

I took a break from the forum some weeks back, when I went out of town. I think a break every now and then - as many days or weeks as you need - is a good idea. It helped me to feel like I was living my life, and to focus on other things other than the forum.

Hope you are OK. Take care of yourself. You are important and worthy and people care about you.

[mamalou]

Please keep posting. And stay with the forum.

Louise x x

[Sweetpea]

Oh Michael please keep posting if you can. Like Buttercup I do not post much in my journal as I find it difficult to talk about myself. I for one enjoy and appreciate your posts. Thinking of you. (((( hugs )))). S x x x x

[hopeful]

Michael,

So sorry you're feeling this way, and as everyone has said we all enjoy your company on the forum.

I understand if you think you're being obsessive by being online, but I have learnt recently how powerful distraction can be in trying to stem the bad thoughts. I for one think it's much better to be obsessive about doing something that isn't harming anyone if it helps with the morbid thoughts.

Your suffering is real Michael, take care and hope to see you back soon,

xx

[Zaf]

You've been an inspiration at times for me Michael, please do pop in from time to let us know how you're doing xxx

[Michael Frankum]

I'm very sorry. I can't go cold-turkey, and I have been looking at the site throughout the day. Couldn't manage an hour, and I didn't use the day to address anything else, surprise! Thank you all for your kindness. I'm afraid that normal service will be resumed. $^% Best wishes to you all. Michael

[mamalou]

I'm glad you are still around. x x

[Sweetpea]

That's so good to hear Michael. S x x x x

[Buttercup]

Snap  &(*