Hi to everybody first off, so I recently have had a lot of things going on in my life. Unfortunately not for the good of my well being!! I'm a male of 33 by the way. Ok so I will begin. I have been in a relationship for 8 years 6 of those extremely happy the past 2 years are relationship has been in a state of decline! I cheated on her 12 weeks ago I was riddled with guilt so I came clean, it was painfull to do so but I manned up. Please don't hold this against me I've beat myself up enough over this. I had untill 6 months ago worked consistently for the past 10 years. Manager of 3 different warehousing units. Finding things to fill my time is hard with no jobs comeing my way I feel pressured! Horribly so! I've lost my grandma grandad and uncle all in the space of 2 years, this is tough for me too. While separated from my partner I invested in a place for me to live i have been doing bit by bit in there to get it liveable. Unfortunately the upstairs neighbour had a massive flood as I was near finishing redecoration Friday past! So here I am Tuesday morning at breaking point infront of my doctor. I laid everything out I found it very tough telling my doctor all of this as I hate to go to doctors first time I've been in 8 years or so. She was very understanding and I think she could see the cracks. She recommended I see a psychologist. I agreed as since I've lost my job I have felt like my world has been caving in around me I'm suffering panic attacks I'm terrible with my mood swings I'm not sure what's wrong inside but I don't feel right not myself! I'm a expert at bottling things up I find it hard talking about what I'm going through!!! There has been times when I've considered just doing silly things I've sat in a car park on a cliff and considered driving it over, I couldn't I'm too scared to do I think but I was sat in the car park thinking about it. I feel like I can't leave the house Ive became a recluse hidden from sight I can't face talking to people I feel so so low. Y sister has bipolar my grandad had it too along with a uncle I'm 33 surely this can't be happening to me. My mind is raceing 1 million miles a hour I'm haveing trouble of letting go of the silliest of things and hiding the way I feel is starting to show in my personality I think! I can't sleep waking up at 2 4 6 oclocks every night worrying about everything. I'm scared the psychologist is going to get me locked away if he thinks I'm crazy what's going on with me I wish I could explain in a better way but I've tried! I use to be such a strong man I feel so weak useless has anybody had these feelings the way I feel just won't leave me. Hopefully the tablets will work!!! Anything from anybody I will appreciate. Colin
