I don't know what to do anymore- weak.

[Marie1991]

I wake up feeling like I don't want get out of bed (You could say I'm lazy, but its a total different feeling) I don't want to leave my room and face everything and everyone because I know its going to be the same no matter how many conversations, "rules" and typical "family talks". It always goes back to them same.

I'm 21 years old and everything I do is dictated by my controlling mum. I've been in a relationship for 8 months now and its prefect, the one thing that makes me think everything will be worth it in the end. But now I'm starting to think I can't cope at all anymore. My mum is the type of person who wants everything done for her and if it isnt...god help you. Everything must be her way and what she says is right, not matter how she makes anybody feel or if it is completely wrong. Anything that makes me happy will be used agaisnt me. If i go along with "rules" its almost like she will take advantage of that and make more "rules" and push and push until I disagree...then when I disagree or stand up for myself i'll be "punished" and she'll make my life "a living hell"

I'm finding it hard to write this and where to start.. its difficult to get my point across because for years I've just accepted things on got on with it. She loves controll for example, my boyfriend didnt have petrol so i thought id walk to the train station (15 minute walk) and then my mum has a massive go at me telling me "he HAS to give you a lift" to which i replied "if he hasnt got any petrol then no he doesnt"..."Hes in my house YES HE DOES. HE HAS to give you a lift" I dont understand it... its a 15 minute walk... if i decide to walk then whats the problem. But to her it is.

A better example may be one that happend a few weeks ago... I wrote everything down that she said...this shows how she turns the simplest thing into something massive because nothing is going her way. My boyfriend got incontact with my mum to ask if he could stay the following weekend because it was a long weekend and nobody would be on his camp (hes in the army)
She said the following:

Bull&$%+ bull&$%+ bull&$%+
Hes lying, I hate liers
Everything revolves around him
Hes not coming down at all- never
Im not being dictated by a 19 year old
All he does is sit on his arse
Doesnt help out
I'm now stressed out and cant relax this weekend, hes not coming down this weekend next weekend or the one after
I know for a fact that the camp doesnt close
Their so selfish
I'm not spending at time with her (me) shes going to find things f***ing tough now
Their trying to manipulate me
I'm not supporting him- he doesnt put his hand in his pocket
They have a negative attitude towards us because we earn money
He has f***ing parents are they not worried about his safety

A few points i want to make...we buy our own food. We clean all the time. My boyfriend is so kind and polite, he offers if they ever need help with anything or if they want anything from the shop. This was such a simple question...and it had to turn into something stupid. I know this seems like I'm only going on about my boyfriend but this is what she does, if there is something she can ruin...she will use it. I clean all the time, I'm the only one in this house that does the dishes and hoovers and cleans up after her mess. She wants everything done for her... last night she stood next to her bike and said ''oh i see nobody put away my bike'' so i said ''why dont you put it away'' to which she replied ''NO someone else can do it, im watching tv''

So much more has been said and so much more has happend/

Living with this everyday is horrible... I cant cope with it. I have never ever felt this down before. I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm lost and I feel broken

[Ezel]

Hi and welcome.  Have you thought about applying for social housing?

[Marie1991]

Plenty of times... I dont know whats best for me...At the moment I have a year left at college, I'm studying Level 3 Health and Social Care and also have a part time job. I really want to complete my final year because it will give me a better opportunity to get a job, the plan so far is to move out next January when I've got my qualification and my partner is back from Afghanistan. I have often brought up how I feel to my mum and maybe it is best to move and get some help- I get laughed at and told I wouldnt last on my own. She also knows about the plan to move out and live with my partner which she also finds funny. No win situation.

[Ezel]

Stick to your plans as your mother can't stop you.  I am sorry you are going through but you have to put your needs before your mother.

[Marie1991]

I'd love to put my needs first, but my mum has to come first otherwise its punishment...more rules... Its hard to stay positive about everything, I have my down days and my up days. I find it really hard to express myself after years of accepting things and getting on with it because thats the only way I'm allowed to deal with it. It really does hurt and I'm realising this now that I'm getting older. I'm trying to find ways of avoiding everything until I move out, you know, keeping myself busy. It just days like today where I feel like I am nobody.

[Sweetpea]

I can see know way out of this until you move out of home. I think you are doing all you can do. Just try to keep things calm until you can move. Then I think your mum will see just how much you do. Sorry I can't offer any more solutions. You can rant here & hopefully this will help you. Take care. S x x x x

[Marie1991]

I appreciate anything anyone replies with :) just nice people taking the time to say something. Thank you x x x

[Michael Frankum]

Hi Marie. As shaz said, this is a safe place to let off steam. Everybody needs a chance to do that. I used to have temper tantrums like a child, but I had no excuses when I carried on like that into my 50's! Since I found the forums here, and any crap happens, I find that people can accept my often idiotic rattiness, and this allows me to calm down a bit. Feel free to let me know if you think I'm talking rubbish - I have been known to do that!  $%$

[Zaf]

I think shaz is right, try to stick it out till you have got your qualification; your mum cant stop you going

Z xx

[Munchroom]

Hi Marie :) I'm doing the same course as you! Great isn't it? 

Just think of some of he subjects we cover.... you are not in the wrong and nor should you be made to feel as you do. I can only echo what the others have already said, but if there is an oppourtunity to get out then take it! I left home whn I was 19... not because I wanted to get away from my parents, but because my boyfrind lived in a different county. Its difficult, but you adapt to cope. You sound like you a strong person (no matter how you feel right now) You'll be surprised how much you can cope with when you are working towoards something great with the person you love.

xx

[KateG]

Hey Marie

Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel and she won't be able to dictate to you much longer (and she knows it)

Rant away if you need to  *()

Kate x

[Marie1991]

Thank you so much everyone you really have put a smile back on my face tonight!  =+-

[Greycylinder]

Hi Marie,

I really related to your post. I have a mother like yours....perhaps they're twins ! Sadly, I didn't learn to draw boundaries and she has practically ruined my life. Sadly now at 53, I am estranged from her completely for my own sanity. I think if I had had the courage to break away mentally from her at your age, things wouldn't have got to this point.

Finish your college and then LEAVE HOME and stay away. Keep in contact but do not let her bully you. Speak to her when you feel comfortable. She will rant and rave and try to punish you but stand firm. It sounds like you have a lovely boyfriend and talk to your doctor to find other means of emotional support. Believe me if you don't set boundaries now, you will face a lifetime of despair, anger and unhappiness. You will NEVER be good enough for her. This is her problem, not yours. She is unwell but she won't be aware of it. Please keep yourself safe.

[Marie1991]

I'm realising things more and more- its been really getting my down for the past two years now, I've always had trouble with my mum thats what I was pretty much known for at school. If I see anyone from my past they always ask ''hows things with your mum''

Its all mind games with her... If you stand up for yourself she'll say ''I'm stressed now, you've ruined my weekend'' when all I've simply done is tell her shes in the wrong and explain why and its always the same ''You live in MY house! You go by MY rules and if you dont like it then you know where the door is'' but she knows I have nowhere to flippin go!! She also uses the ''Well, I was actually going to let you have your boyfriend round but now you've stressed me out, he cant!'' If i knew this I would have bothered sticking up for myself, I would have kept my mouth shut, noded, and got on with things.

I agreed that my boyfriend was only allowed to come down every other weekend....now its turned into once everyother weekend and once every weekend that she decides is best for her... Its so embarrassing, I'm 21 years old... she knows I have to go along with everything she says, and if I dont, she will use him against me.
She will say one thing... then change it... i'd correct her and she goes off on one. Its the same old same old... I always know whats going to happen next because its been going on for ages.

I always get told that I was a horrible child in school.. I was like any other teenagers, a bit moody haha and I had a boyfriend which lasted 6 years but we werent meant to be together, we both grew up and got on, he didnt like her at all and my boyfriend now isnt her biggest fan at all. He doesnt understand how her mind works.
Anyway in school, of course I was a typical teen who thought me and my boyfriend were going to be together forever and my world revolved around him...which wasnt so great for my GCSE's...big mistake but I've learnt from it. There were times where my mum didnt want me near him, she kept me off school for 2 months, locked me in the house, took my mobile, the internet and the house phone so i couldnt have any contact with anybody. This happened on a number of occasions, I remember going through my money pot running up to the phone box with loads of 20ps to ring a friend to tell them what was going on.

I remember her being in a bad mood, probably from something I said, and she got me to the floor and ripped my school jumper off me.

I become pregnant at the age of 18, she kicked me out, so i stayed living with my boyfriend who i was with at the time. I ended up having a miscarradge very early on in the pregnancy which i told my mum, she never once got incontact with me when I had to go to my appointment for a scan at the hospital or just to see if I was ok. All she was concerned about was how stressed she was that this was going on and how it would affect her work.

Shes not one to consider other peoples feelings apart from hers.

I cant find a way of getting my point across anymore because shes got me in that state where I just cant do it, its almost like I'm trained not to because if I do it'll be ''Ohhhh grow up'' or ''You live in my house!!''

I hadnt changed my address when I ended up having to live with my ex boyfriend but I thought if anything important comes through she will let me know. I was on my way to my part time job and my bank card got swollowed...i didnt have a clue why!! My boss ended up picking me up and taking me to work. I text my mum and she told me that she opened my letters and knew that I had to contact my bank...but she didnt tell me...and her excuse was- its your responsability...yes it is however if your going to open my post and if its important that you should tell me. I was also really struggling to get a full time job at the time...I went to pick up a few things from "her house" and there were 3 messages from companies asking me to go for an interview, my heart sank and when i confronted her about it she didnt care! She just did her usual thing, smirked and said she must have forgot.

If I'm sounding really petty, please let me know, its little things that have gone on for years now... And theres only so much I can take.

[Marie1991]

**** also, there was a time where she went for my and i grabbed her arm to stop her from doing whatever she was trying to do and i left a mark on her, she took pictures of it saying she was going to keep it as evidance and that I was horrible...I was defending myself!!