is this depression - confused?

[julie]

i am 40yrs old and have been pretty miserable from the age of 15yrs old when i approached the doctors at age 15 he told me to go away and think about what i was saying and go away, so i did, i thought it was just me being silly and have done for the past 25yrs. when i had my first child and was asked if i had post natal depression i laughed it off and answered what i knew they would want to hear - that i was fine, i never cried and i was on top of the world, i was believed and to be honest i have become an expert at covering things up on the outside you would never really think what i was feeling on the inside is this. i do not  have bouts of this, i always feel like this, sometimes just worst days than others, i never really want to socialise with others but force myself, i have nothing to say to others and know i am being miserable, and when a really happy thing is going to happen to me i get worse such as going on holiday, a wedding or party is approaching,this i do not understand as what do i have to be miserable about when something good is approaching? i am very short tempered am not tolerant of others and consider myself not a very nice person when you get to know me although i can act life and soul of the party for the first hour or so. what the hell is wrong with me am i depressed in some way or just a miserable person with an attitude problem?
 

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome to the forum :). I suffer with depression and I put on a face to people that don't know me. I know a lot of others here also do this. We get past masters at making people think we are fine when inside we are not. Maybe you should go and have a chat with your Dr to discuss how you are feeling. S x x x x

[Ezel]

I suffered on silence for almost 30 years as I was considered moody as a teenager and would be told to pull myself together.  I learned to put on an act.  It is very possible you suffer with depression as you have described exactly how I felt for many years.

[Got]

It could likely be dysthymia. The very best thing you can do is go to the doctors, you never know, a bit of medication and perhaps some counselling could make the world of difference.

[oceansdeep]

Hi and welcome. I think it's common for people to learn how to act like everything's okay, I know that it's something I'm a little too skilled at. Also, I find 'happy times' really hard if I'm low because I'm not happy and I feel I should be, which makes me feel worse etc etc. GPs are better with mental health stuff now, maybe go and see you doctor? Ocean.