My first post. Could do with some advice.

[Tony]

Hi All,

 I suffer with depression; well at least I think I do. When I was about 22 years old I was prescribed Prozac after breaking up with a girlfriend. No big deal really I was on them for about 6 months and a bit of counselling. Apart from that episode I never been to doctors about depression, well actually I tell a lie, when I was about 18 I went to the local GP complaining about feeling a bit down. The GP told me to pull myself together and go out and have a few pints with my mates. My moods have generally been up and down throughout my life. I even remember when I was in my early teens feeling low and miserable for no apparent reason. Thinking back I kind of enjoyed this feeling (weird I know) and actually wallowed in self-pity. I remember hearing that Winston Churchill suffered with depression and in his memoires he talks about the ‘black dog’ that would be his constant companion. Before I learnt of this analogy I would always feel like I had a little black cloud that would follow me and every now and then I would this dull numb feeling at the front of my head. I have always known that I’m a sensitive moody person (within) but to most friends and family I’m seen as a socialable caring type. I feel (probably wrongly) that I hide my condition well. I always try to be positive and I think most people like to be in my company.

I’m currently a bit worried about my condition and I don’t know what to do. I know I suffer with depression or at least think I suffer. I have low moods from time to time, not all the time though, just now and then. My mood can be fine one minute and then something can spark it off like an off the cuff comment from a friend or loved one. I tend to take the most insignificant comment very personally which is really unfair on my wife because she probably feels she has to tread on eggshells so she does not upset me. I’m not a miserable git all the time though! In fact the majority of the time I’m happy, friendly, funny, caring and loving. I’m just overly sensitive to people feelings, actions and words.

I want to go to a doctor to discuss things but I’m really worried about it. Firstly I don’t want anyone to find out; I don’t think I could cope with that. Secondly I’m afraid that the doctor might want to prescribe me tablets and I don’t want that either. I don’t want the fact that I have depression to be on my medical file as it can affect all sorts of things such as applying Life Insurance and critical illness cover. My wife knows that I have suffered in the past with depression as do my parents. They also know that I get occasional ups and downs but I don’t think they know how down I get. Basically at the moment my mood swings are really affecting my life. I seem to be procrastinating about everything and generally letting things get on top of me. I run my own business and it’s reasonably successful, I’m not making a fortune but it ticks over and keeps me going. But it could be doing so much better, I have so many ideas and occasionally get moments of genius that if I could only just put them in place my business would be so much better. Half the time though I just feel paralyzed and have no motivation, I’d even go as a far to say sometimes I just can’t cope with the tasks that I have to do and that in itself makes me feel so low and worthless. I really want to realise my potential and make something of my life and I know I could do it if I could just get over this illness.

Any help would really be appreciated. I don’t know how bad my depression is or whether what I am experiencing is normal. I still participate in life and there are many good things happening right now but this is all tinged with a bit of doubt and sadness because I keep feeling down.  I don’t want to go on pills; I just want some help and advice. I may sound messed up but honestly I just a normal bloke and a bit confused with stuff at the moment and I feel like I’m in a real rut.


I have taken the time to have a look around this forum and read a few threads and right now I feel that what I have cannot get better? Lots of people on here are in the same boat as me and some are a lot worse. Do people get better? Or do we just live with it? I'm fed up of just living with it; I really want to rise above my cloud. I literally feel as this illness is really holding me back in everything I want to do. In my own my mind I know I am so much more capable than what I am like in real life. If I had the energy, the confidence and the motivation, my life would be so much better. Can going to the GP give me those things? Or at least put me on the right track so I can better myself? Can taking medication relieve my symptoms enough for me to start growing as a person so I can realise my true potential?

Thanks for reading.


Tony

[Els]

Hi Tony,

I can completely relate to you 100% - i don't know what the right answer is - i guess you have to do what you are comfortable with. I've been on and off meds for 4 years and am determined to get through my current depression without the use of them.

I've tried counselling. The last i had i felt really helped me. She helped me to pintpoint my triggers and to try to positively respond to them instead of letting them take over me.

I spent alot of time suffering behind closed doors. I didn't tell anyone. On the surface i was fine but inside i was hurting. It takes alot to admit to yourself that you need the help.

My suggestion would be to talk to your wife and your family about how you feel and make a decision between you? With their support perhaps you can make an appointment with you doctor and just talk through some options.

I'm no expert at all i just speak from personal experience.

I hope you find the support and advice that you need.

Take Care

Els x

[Zaf]

If you really dont want to see your GP and you can afford private counselling I'd try that first

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

I personally tried to manage without medication. But I had to go back on it. I have also found counselling to be very helpful. S x x x x

[Ezel]

Tony, I'm not on any medication at the moment as what I was on wasn't helping.  Counselling is an option and a shot in the dark is your diet.  A few days ago I changed my diet due to depression and lack of sleep.  I'm eating a mainly vegetarian diet and it is helping me ~ I'm not missing eating meat at all probably because I know it's there if I want to.  When I do eat meat I'm grilling it or baking rather than frying so decreasing the fat intake is also helping.

[hopeful]

Hi Tony,

Sorry you hear what you've been going through. I sincerely hope that we all can feel better, and that we shouldn't have to live with this. Don't forget that we all are more likely to post on this forum when we're feeling bad so it may not represent the true view of depression and it's ups and downs.

I understand your concerns about meds, but remember that depression is a medical condition. I find the analogy of high blood pressure and high cholesterol useful - both conditions that are well treated by evidence based drugs, but can also sometimes be managed to a certain extent with lifestyle and diet changes. But if the condition is threatening life and quality of life, the drugs are needed.

The trouble with depression is that it makes it more difficult to make lifestyle changes. So a course of medication can maybe put you in a place where you are better able to manage and be more receptive to counselling/CBT. Please do talk to your GP. GP's deal with this all the time and depending on where you live you may get access to some excellent NHS mental health care.

Don't feel you have to live with this, I certainly hope that reaching out for help will make things better in the future.

H x

[Tony]

Hi all,

Thanks for the support.

I'm also a bit worried about my drinking. I don't drink every night, maybe just 2 or 3 times a week but I feel I'm using it as a crutch. I like the way I feel when I've had a drink. I don't get pissed as such just enough to take the edge off. Is this a common theme amongst people with depression?

I'm thinking about therapy, what's the difference between nlp and cbt?

Just want to feel able to cope with life again .

[Sweetpea]

I cannot advise about alcohol. As I rarely have a drink. I have had CBT. It helps you change the way you look at things. I personally found that counselling helped me more than anything. That combined with medication. S x x x x

[Zaf]

I started out like that with alcohol but I ended up near alcoholic.  I dont drink at all now but use calming herbs instead which I find every bit as good without the side effects.

Like shaz a combination of meds and counselling helped me best but everyone is different

Z xx

[Ezel]

I have used alcohol as a crutch in the past but as I'm getting older I'm finding I can't handle it much.  These days I am very much a social drinker but even if we go out for a meal I am just as likely to have a soft drink.

[Tony]

I'm hoping the alcohol thing will be resolved if/when I get some help (denial alert! Lol). To be honest until I get some help its probably the only thing keeping me sane! I'm joking, I know I need to keep it in check and it is worrying me as otherwise I would not have mentioned it. When I'm feeling down it is very tempting to just have a beer or two. I hope it does not escalate to more than this. I don't drink everyday and I don't depend on alcohol. Under the government guidelines I probably drink less than my allowance but for whatever reason it just feels a little wrong. Maybe I have some guilt issues surrounding alcohol? Its not unusual for people to have a glass of wine or a couple of beers? Last week for instance I drank on 4 nights and on those nights I would say I had 2 glasses of wine and maybe one beer? Is that ok? So in a whole week that amounts to 8 glasses of wine and 4 beers, does not sound too bad so why I am bothered about it? I think it stems from my house not being a big drinking house. My wife hardly drinks so no matter what I have to drink I feel a little uncomfortable because its always more than her. Think I'm just paranoid, worrying what people will think about me.

Life is just up and down at the moment. I can literally be totally fine for a day or so and then come crashing back down to earth from the slightest comment from someone or just not being able to cope with everyday stuff in work. I cant seem to deal with problems anymore. I just let them build and build until they get so big I just have to sort them out. Yesterday (bank holiday) I actually went into the office because I just had to get some urgent work completed. Again it was stuff that I had just put off for weeks and it got the point where had to be done or I would have been in big trouble. Funny thing is under that kind of pressure and in a quiet office I managed to do it and was really efficient. Why cant I just do that everyday? Why does it take a looming disaster for me to get my act together?

Right now I just feel stressed, under pressure and unable to cope. I need to lift the fog and be able to manage my life better. If I could deal with my problems work based or otherwise I wouldn't have so much stress and that would have a positive impact on how I feel. I think talking to a therapist might help me. I just need to learn how to think differently.

Cheers

Tony.

[Zaf]

I wouldnt think that amount of alcohol was too harmful Tony, I would often work in he early hours, after hours or on weekends as I found it easier without the distraction of other people there or the phone constantly interrupting me.

A counsellor certainly helped me but I think its important to find one that you gel with

Z xx

[Ezel]

Tony ~ don't worry about the amount you're drinking.  My parents used to have a drink indoors a few times a week and they would have two maybe three drinks which never did them any harm.  My dad doesn't drink much these days and usually only when he has company and he's 83 now  =+-