Starting to feel low again

[sandcat]

Hi everyone. I posted on here a few times last year. Diagnosed with depression about two years ago, was on 40mg fluoxetine until about October last year. I was feeling a lot better and was about to begin a new job so I took it upon myself to wean myself off the ADs very slowly, as recommended. Mainly because after offering me the job my new company sent me a health questionnaire asking if I was taking any medication. I didn't want to lie, and neither did I want to disclose ADs and risk the job offer being withdrawn. I know it's unlawful and all that, but it still happens, believe me (I work in employment law)!

So, I came off them and was totally 'clean' by the time I began the new job in January. I felt fine until about a month ago when I began to get really tired, horrible 'dread' feeling inside, not wanting to see people, unwanted nasty thoughts in my head. The usual. Everything in my life is going well, so I don't understand what's going on. And now I just don't know what to do. Some days are worse than others but I have definitely noticed that I feel consistently worse that I did a couple of months ago.

I really want to avoid going back to the doctors, and I definitely don't want work to find out I have/did have depression. I also really want to avoid going back on ADs as the side effects were awful when I first went on them.

I just feel like I have failed myself by not being able to cope, I keep telling myself, 'it's only been 8 months, get a grip woman!!' but then half an hour later I will feel suicidal - I can see my life stretching ahead of me, but feeling like this, and I start going over in my head all the conversations and things I have done that day, and thinking how people will dislike me because of it. And I feel like I will always be the same unlikeable person, it doesn't matter what career I have or where I live etc. So I feel like I just want to stop living. But then I think how selfish that would be on my husband and family, so I don't think I would go through with it.

So again, what on earth do I do? I just wish I was a normal, sociable, likeable person, without any depressive leanings! But I suppose there's no answer to that

[Zaf]

I only lasted 4 months off ADs before I had to go back on them, I think you might have to consider going back down that route

Z xx

[Got]

Hi,

I used to feel like I was failing if I needed the ADs, that I had let myself down if I went on them. Now I think differently, having depression for years is simply a waste of time, my recommendation to you is to go back on the ADs, if they have side affects try some others until you find ones you like, perhaps get some therapy as it is very helpful...and then hopefully you will feel much better.

There is no shame in going to the doctors at all.

Take care

[Sweetpea]

I also only lasted a few months when comming of anti-depressants. There is no shame in taking them. I would rather take them and be well than feeling as I did without them. I understand your fears about your job. But you really should think about having a chat with your GP about how you feel. S x x x x