Hello

[Dianosaur]

Hey, I'm not really sure where to start.
      I've been clinically depressed since I was 10yrs old and starting self-harming at this time. I had a breakdown in my last year of school. I've always felt depressed, with really bad bounds of severe depression at least once a year. My last break down was at the start of December 2011, since then i've been seeing two psychiatrists and been put on medication, I've been diagnosed as having severe depression, anxiety and PTSS. Since December I've been off sick more than I've worked. I left my old job 5weeks ago for something new, thinking maybe my job was contributing to my depression, well I lasted up until Sunday- I quit my new job. After initially feeling like the 30mg of Mirtazapine was working, I'm now back  at square one, except now I'm hearing a voice and feeling like someone is always watching/following me whenever i'm outside of my house. I now think the only thing Mirtazapine did, was help me sleep, although it doesn't even do that anymore. I've starting hurting myself again and feel like i'm coming to the end of my tether.

[Rumple]

  Hello, This is my first post here,sounds like things are rough for you right now. I understand how depression robs you. It robs us of hope, joy,love and all that is good in life. I'm from Canada a long time depression survivor. It's nice to meet you.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome to you both  *()

Everyone here will help as much as they can

Z xxx

[Dianosaur]

Nice to meet you too.
It certainly causes serious frustration.
What worries me is that ever bout of severe depression is always worse than the last. It doesn't get better like everyone keeps telling me

Do you have a support network in Canada?

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome both of you to the forum. S x x x x

[Dianosaur]

Thanks for the welcome, it seems like a good place to be able to come at vent or ask for advice.
I don't know about others, but I don't speak to family and friends about my thoughts and feelings. I don't want to burden or bore them.

[Ezel]

Hi and welcome %^%

[Sweetpea]

Please feel free to vent here. We all help each other. There are loads of lovely people here. S x x x x

[KateG]

Hi and welcome to you both.

I think most of us on here share our deepest and darkest thoughts that we wouldn't share with anyone else

Kate x

[Catbrian]

Hi Dianosaur and welcome to the Forum  +-_

Sorry you've been having a rough time.  It's very true what you say, each bout does feel worse.  How long have you been on Mirtazapine?  I'm also on it, as are many others on the forum.  Sometimes certain A.D's don't quite suit us and, from personal experience, I need to change mine on a fairly regular basis.  It's worth talking this over with your doc.

You will find everyone here very supportive. I think the majority will share your comment re family and friends.  It's tough when we don't feel support from those closest, but many don't quite understand... we should be thankful they never have to face the places we've visited, eh?

What is PTSS?  Is it, what I know as, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?  If so, we also have a common link.  It causes untold misery.

Great you have found us!

cat

[Dianosaur]

Yeah, it's PTSD, just syndrome instead of disorder. It's awful. I was shocked when I was told. I always associated PTSD with soldiers and such, just shows my own ignorance. I've been on Mirtazapine for about 2 months now. I'll make sure and discuss a possible change, or increase with my Dr.
Starting to get really nervous about my appointment. My stomach has been in knots all day and I haven't even left the house.

[Catbrian]

Of course, my mind went blank with the syndrome thingy.

I've been suffering PTSD for 20yrs and have tired of not getting 'over it'.  My Psychiatrist told me that I need to have specific PTSD therapy.  There is a unit specialising in PTSD at St Goerge's in London, but that service seems limited or non existent in other parts of the country.  Might be worth asking Doc.  When's the appointment?

[Dianosaur]

The incident that has caused my PTSD happened when I was a child, but I'd never dealt with it. It causes me immense feelings of anger and guilt.
My appointment with my GP is today at 4pm. I've got an appointment with my psychiatric nurse on Monday. Just want some peace of mind. Especially since I've just quit my job. I've heard that some people apply for Employment Support Allowance, but it seems that most peoples claims are rejected.

[Zaf]

Hope your appointents go well xxx

[Dianosaur]

Thank you. I hope I have the courage to talk about the voice and being watched/followed all the time.