Hello...I'm new.

[Willowrose]

Hello. I'm new here and I thought I'd join because I'd like someone to talk to.

The past few months (maybe even the past year) have been very tough, but recently its got worse. I seem to be really down a lot of the time. I've stopped going out and there are days when I won't leave the house, or I'll think about it and then decide against it. My sleeping pattern is dreadful and I cry myself to sleep. I can't seem to get up in the morning. I'm skipping meals too.

I'm moving house soon and I'm dreading it as I'll be living with someone else who is a very good friend (I am currently in a student house and don't leave my room much.)
I've alienated myself from most of my friends and I feel like if I walk into a room no one would notice me.

I haven't had a proper relationship for two years and any guy I've 'been with' since then has soon vanished and found someone else. I feel as if they can't be bothered to make the effort with me. I really want a serious relationship but I keep getting rejected.

I live about 5 hours away from my family and I miss them, but they'll never understand why I can't 'snap out of it'.

I'm just finishing university and am having gap years to save up for a postgraduate but I'm terrified that I won't get a job because I'm not good enough. At the minute I feel as if I'm not going to achieve anything.

I could really do with some advice. x

[darren_71]

Hi Willowrose

I'm new too so we can be newbies together and make us feel less vulnerable.

You sound a lot like where I am at the moment even though I am a man in my late 30's and you are a woman in your early 20's.  I'm probably not the best person to give advice as I only got the guts up this morning to talk to my doctor about the way I have been feeling for 18 months.  I think you forget about trying for a serious relationship for now.  You need to take that pressure off yourself.  I think moving in with your friend will help a lot as it will ease the loneliness and the interaction will help you get out of yourself more. As for your family I would say that if you have a sibling they would probably understand more than an older generation member of the family that dealt with issues differently.  On the job front maybe the friend you will be moving in with can start putting out feelers on your behalf.

Also you should take advantage of the student counselling service while you are still at University.

http://www.student.counselling.co.uk/

Take care and I'm here if you need to talk.

[Willowrose]

Hi darren_71,

thanks for your reply  :) Well done for getting yourself to the doctors. I've never had the guts to go, I always heard bad things about some GPs and paitents with depression.

I love my friend to bits, but I'm just worried that my moodswings will get in the way of things. It's been easy in my student house because everyone keeps themselves to themselves pretty much, but with my friend (and also because we have the same career) we're always together, I'm so worried that things will be difficult.

My younger sibling understands, but all he can say is to stop worrying and relax. Which is very easy for him because he's a very laid back person.

My friend has said that she will try and get me a job where she works, but it's up to me until then. Another friend of mine has also stopped talking to me quite abruptly which is quite upsetting 

I seem to be going from one extreme to the other with my moods and it's driving me insane!  &*(

[darren_71]

Hi Willowrose

Thanks for the encouragement.  I have a had an uninterested GP in the past and that is one of the reasons why it took me so long this time to go. It was my first visit to my a new doctor and he seems very nice.   

Has your friend seen your moodswings?  If they have then hopefully they are prepared and understanding.  If not then you should make them aware before you move so not to wreck you friendship.  You should try getting some agreement of how you both will deal with them. Also you should talk to them about not having sudden changes in your relationship.  Like at first they will be overly excited that you have moved in and will be wanting to spend lots of their spare time with you but after a while that will naturally decline and this could leave feeling abandoned and resentful towards you friend.

Sorry that the suggestion of talking to a sibling has failed.  Are you going home after Uni?  I think if you can go back for a week at least it would be beneficial.  You could ask to have a kind of family meeting where you get raise you problems.  Start off by saying that you have some issues that you really need there help with but it will only make things worse if they just say snap out of it.  It takes that option away from them then.  Emphasise how this will be the most important time in your life that you will need their support.  They might also be able to help with the job.  I know that they live a long way away but they may know someone, who knows someone that knows someone else that maybe able to hook you up where you are going to live.  Long shot I know but remember the six degrees of separation rule that everyone on earth is six steps away from someone else.

Sorry to hear that another friend of yours dropped you abruptly.  Its horrible and I know the feeling all too well.  I recently bumped into someone that done that to me about 12 years ago.  After a brief period of pleasantries he stressed not to ask to keep in touch. So it might be that friend of yours is gone for good too.

If you don't mind me asking what range is you moodswings?  For me it is despair to a kind of numbness. Probably not the biggest swing but I'm either one or the other (usually the former  )

   

[Willowrose]

That's great you've found a doctor who understands...I think that's half the battle.

My friend has seen my moodswings, yes. I don't explode or anything, I just go really quiet. But I think that once I am fully moved in I will have my room to retreat to if need be.I'm hoping to get a job sometime soon which will mean I'm out of the house and doing my own thing. It's always easier when our other friend pops round because it means I can get on with other things and still be in their company.

I'm not going home after uni...I'm actually heading off to Oz for a month which I hope will turn things around. I'm travelling the whole country pretty much and I'm praying it will give me a completely new perspective on things.

I cut my friendship with 2 friends back home recently, because I only ever heard from them when they wanted to come and stay and go out and get drunk every night. There was never any thanks or texts in between visits. As for the friend who's not talking to me...basically I wanted a relationship and he didn't. But he wanted all the perks of one. I haven't seen him much as he lives about 3 hours away so we mostly speak online and text. He's decided not to speak to me anymore, which is a bit of a kick in the teeth as he seemed the most genuine man I've ever met. Oh well. Guess not.

My moodswings usually range from being quite content to downright moody and miserable. The other night I cried myself to sleep with my iPod on full blast because I just couldn't handle it. 

[Ezel]

 ^&* to you both,

I'm incredibly business at work so doing my best to try and keep track here  *()

[darren_71]

I think the trip to Oz will help you.  All those new adventures and experiences in a different environment will give the chance to take your mind off your problems.  Time to clear your head and reflect then maybe treat your return as a fresh start. If you can pick up a bit of the Aussie attitude towards people that would be great to.  You seem to be a bit of a magnet to people taking advantage of your good nature and an Aussie does not give a vibe off that they can be used.

If you focus on your travels when you start to feel down it may help stop you spiraling down even if it means getting up out of bed to read about places or just look at some of the amazing places you are going to see.  Try to get excited about the trip but don't put yourself under the pressure that it will sort you out.


PS. Thanks for the welcome Ezel

[Willowrose]

I do seem to have a magnet for attracting bad people. I think that is contributing to my feelings too.

I was at work today and I just felt really stupid. All because I didn't know someone and they just assumed I knew who they were! I'm once again in the safety of my room. I'm really becoming a recluse   

[Willowrose]

P.S. Hello Ezel

[darren_71]

Don't feel stupid over this. Someone's ego was large enough to assume that everyone knows who they are and that has put you in a position where you feel awkward and embarrassed that you didn't.  A lot of the time people are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't see or understand what they are doing to us more vulnerable people.

Try to see the escaping to your room not as a negative but just a coping mechanism for now.  Your not being reclusive just taking timeout somewhere safe.  Everyone needs a place where they can feel less affected by people.  It's just some need it more than others and you need it more at this time in your life.

[Willowrose]

I managed to get out and go up to town today. It's a beautiful day, but I still feel safer in my room.

How are you today darren_71?

[darren_71]

Hi

I'm so glad you managed to get out today.  I had the best nights sleep I have had in ages last night and took my first Citalopram this morning.  I've got zero appetite and am quite lethargic.  I have not cried since I have seen the doctor but just got a numb to everything state of mind which is the best it gets for me at the moment.  Even though it looks lovely out I think I'll stay in today.

[Jess]

Hi Willowrose, im sorry to hear that you feel the way you do. I would reccomend talking to a proffesional but im not one to talk really. Remember we are all here to support each other. I hope things start to improve, i really do.

In my thoughts, Jess xxx

[Willowrose]

Hi darren_71,

I'm so pleased you slept well  :) That's a great start, did you feel any different for it? I was a lovely day but I decided to stay in after I went to town as well. It's not so nice today so I'm going to stay in again. How're you feeling today?

Hi Jess,

Thanks for your lovely message  :) How are you feeling today?

x

[darren_71]

Hi Willowrose

Yes it was nice to get a good night sleep but I did not really feel any different for it mentally but I'm sure it would have done my body good.  I did not sleep too well last night but I don't think consistency will by my watchword for a while.  I had a little bad spell earlier and had a little cry.  I've not eaten today as yet or ventured outside myself but I will try to have some food later.

How are you feeling today?