Depression at work

[hopeful]

Hi,

Is anyone else struggling with depression at work?

I'm in a bad place at the moment, but seem to be able to switch off to deal with work (I'm a therapist in healthcare), but then collapse physically and emotionally at the end of the day with the effort keeping up the outward face of being "ok".

I don't really know how to explain this to colleagues.

On top of this my boss is now auditing my productivity and I'm sure I'm less productive because I'm depressed, but I don't feel comfortable admitting this to him.

H x

[willows]

Hi Hopeful

I can totally relate to your post, however I do have a very supportive line manager but do not want the majority of my colleagues to know about me so put on the outward face of being ok. Recently though I have been putting on the same ok face for my manager to try and convince her I am getting better as I have started to fear the possibility of capability proceedings.....this has been such a strain and I don't think I can maintain it. Like you, when I get home from work I fall apart.

You say you don't know how to explain it to your colleagues but you will probably find that if you try to they will tell you that they had already noticed something wasn't right. That's what I found anyway.

Willows

[darkangel1979]

I can agree with this-i used to throw myself into work. But after a while i became typecast as the guy who does everything, got depressed at the fact i was doing the work of two people and eventually leave (only for the cycle to start again in my next job)

Now-im unemployed as i could not handle the stress of working (im a chef) and i have no idea what to do with myself.

I like order and routine-it helps keep me busy, if im kept busy im less likely to think, if i cant think too much, then i dont really get depressed...

I wish you all the luck in the world...let us know how it goes and take care.

[TomCrick]

I think the quality of your line management can make a huge difference and the fact that you're now being audited can really undermine the relationship you feel you have with your boss. Just before I went off sick, there were issues with my work and I had to fill in sheets all day long, along with the spreadsheets I do as part of my job, to tick off whether or not I had done what my work would imply I'd done. And that was probably the stress which broke me. If you weren't being audited, it may have been easier to just carry on that binary 'on/off' mode.

In terms of your colleagues - maybe try and switch off from what they may or may not think? If they're not involved directly in YOUR work, then I'd leave it as a private matter, unless there's anyone in whom you'd feel particularly happy confiding?

It was really hard for me to tell my boss - I'm less than a year into my job and it feels like all the wheels have fallen off - but I'm glad I did, and if only to safeguard your job in terms of your output, it might be worth flagging it up to him that you're struggling and (willing to) seek help.

Lots of love and luck

TC

[movingtables]

Yes im struggling at work with depression.
I only do two days.  saturday and sunday 7am to 7pm both days (12hour shifts)
I have to sit alone in a business centre on a reception desk doing nothing.
cant have a laptop or anything. bored to tears.
I've wrote them a letter thats being handed in for me on monday
saying i want to take some time out away from work.

the thought of sitting alone in that job again makes me feel like i want to be sick.

Not much help to you but as you asked is anyone else having trouble at work with depression
atleast it will highlight your not alone. xx

[hopeful]

Thank you everyone, it does really help to know I'm not alone.

You're absolutely right that supportive line management makes all the difference. Unfortunately I think my line manager has been largely responsible in causing my current depressive episode, as he was very horrible and unsupportive in dealing with the physical health problems I've had over the past year. Given his attitude toward this, I can't come clean about my mental health problems. The occupational health doctor I saw agreed with my instinct not to do so.

But if I am subjected to a capability assessment - is it enough that I've told Occie Health?

I've told my colleagues (all 3 of them, it's a tiny team and we're all very involved in each other's work), including my immediate supervisor about it, but have been shocked by their response. My supervisor told me (when I broke down in tears) that she worried what was "so wrong" with me that I couldn't deal with things, and I had "to reflect" on why I was getting so upset. Another colleague told me it was my problem that I couldn't shake off my boss's behaviour and all I needed was thicker skin.

It feels like a bit of a betrayal that I opened up to them and they blame everything on me being "oversensitive". They knew me before this depression hit when I was coping and saw the change - but think it's my fault things degenerated, and don't acknowledge the burden of mental illness.

And movingtables - hang in there. It's horrible and being alone and isolated at work and not good for us depressives. Can you change your shifts to be around people more?  I know that I don't paint a good picture of being in a team, but TomCrick and Willows have some much more positive stories.

[Dianosaur]

I was really struggling with work, after 2 weeks of things getting progressively worse, I quit.
Not sure what i'm going to do now, mind you. But hopefully I won't regret it.