Author Topic: I hate holidays.  (Read 1439 times)

Tommles

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I hate holidays.
« on: August 05, 2012, 08:53:45 PM »
So it's the summer holidays away from college and I'm hating every minute of it. Well that's not exactly true but I'll get back to that. It seems like whilst I'm stuck in my room the rest of the world is out enjoying itself; we probably won't even be going on holiday due to the weather and the amount of work my parents have. It's not as simple as going out with friends either. Everyone always seems to have plans with each other whilst I get left behind. Ive kind of stopped trusting other people anyway, it doesnt feel worth it when they can turn around and backstabbing me. But I just feel really lonely.

I'm also feeling really unstable, increasingly so now that I'm spending so much time on my own. Occasionally I'm getting very hyperactive and happy for maybe half a day, which is nice. But even the slightest thing sets me off on a complete tangent. Sometimes I get really, really sad and end up slumped on the floor, bed or in a field somewhere for hours. I never actually cry though it feels like it, you know that sensation in your eyes amd chest, but no tears?

If not sad, it's angry. Really angry. I feel repulsed by people, furious at what they do with their lives and how the worst people are always rewarded. I see the kind of people who are out drinking and doing drugs (not speculation, I know it's true) and making other people miserable, and theyre having the times of their lives with no retribution! What's worse is that the media and the rest of society seem to reward them, it's primarily them that they seem to cater to! I can physically feel how angry I get; my arms feel wild amd fidgety and my chest and head feel like they want to burst! I honestly feel like we need a cull of the majority of the population, they're just screwing the planet up and it'd be better off without them.
This isn't stopping. I can't trust anyone enough to talk to them or anything like that. Maybe one or two people but most people I've spoken to before have sort of drifted away and I don't want that happening again. A doctor I was seeing a while ago eventually got me signed on to see a specialist or something, but it wasn't until around may or June that I heard anything from them (I was supposedly signed on a few months earlier). I was in the middle of my A levels (which Im fairly certain I've screwed up) at the time so I asked to see them after it was over, but I was never able to bring myself to call back. I think it's probably too late to try now.
I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've completely lost interest.

CharleysAngel'

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Re: I hate holidays.
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2012, 08:58:10 PM »
Hi there,

I can relate to pretty much everything you have written. I hate the holidays too. Have you spoken to your doctor about all these feelings? They might be able to do something to help xx
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why;'
Lana Del Rey

Tommles

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Re: I hate holidays.
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2012, 08:51:48 AM »
Ehh I'm not so good with seeing doctors. I don't know, I just really don't like it. Sorry that doesnt make much sense; I often just feel like they'd just write me off as some dumb kid.

CharleysAngel'

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Re: I hate holidays.
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2012, 12:13:48 PM »
I do understand where you're coming from, I have had to be quite persistant with my doctor and she is really nice. If you can't speak to a doctor is there anyone else you could talk to? Anyone at college maybe if you can wait until then?
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why;'
Lana Del Rey

Tommles

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Re: I hate holidays.
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2012, 11:46:51 PM »
I suppose there are people at college but again, it's the whole trust thing. Plus it all fluctuates so much I'm never sure if it's worth acting on. Really, I know I should, but so,eti,es I don't feel like there's any point. It's like arguing with myself.