Telling friends

[Jenjam]

Hi all ... Just wondering what people think about telling friends about being depressed?

I fear I may have upset too many friends and they think I'm ok cos I can put on a strong face.
I worry they'll hate me and think I'm just attention seeking

I don't want to tell everyone but some understanding would be good. I find it really hard to ask for help, but I need to have someone else in my life I can just be accepted by. I have a lovely husband who is so understanding but he wants to see me smile again, I can't force that though (been there, done that and it's not a long term strategy)

How do people find their friends react?

[Zaf]

Only my very closest friends know, I dont tell anyone else but they know I'm ill

Z x

[Sweetpea]

I am the same only my close friends and family know. We all tend to put on the 'mask' and say we are fine. S x x x x

[dragunov63]

I take the opposite attitude to people.
I have no worries letting people know, if they are a true mate it should make no difference, if it does then I don't want them around me.
I spent years trying to please others before myself, was one of the problems that caused my breakdown, I am not selfish but These days I value myself much more.

Nige

[mamalou]

Hi JenJam,

I know how you feel about telling your friends. I didn't tell anyone in ages as I was so worried that they would think that I am needy and attention seeking. Sadly when I had my first breakdown, some of them had to know. By my third breakdown, most friends knew ! It was entirely grim them knowing but I would say that the majority have really tried to help out and support me and my family. A few have fallen by the wayside but I haven't had the energy or mental capacity to worry about it.

It's such a personal thing, only you know which people you feel may support you and understand.

Sorry not much help really but thought I'd share !

x
x

[Jenjam]

Thank you all - I've decided to choose a close few friends who I believe will be supportive. In time, I may decide to tell more. I'm not bothering with my family as they are not at all supportive, my parents are kind people but they prefer to bury their heads and refuse to acknowledge problems ... they're very much teh "put up and shut up" type, which doesn't work for me.

I came out to my first friend, who lives in the same town as me, and she's been great! She told me she was suffering in a similar way herself lately, and she visited her doc and got some telephone councelling which she says has really helped her. We've agreed to kind of keep an eye on each other too. It was so lovely to talk to her, she was really sympathetic and it all came out ... the childhood past (you can imagine what it was like as i've already descibed my parents) , the bullying at school, the suicide wishes (no serious attempts) ... just talking helped so much.

As do all your replies - thank you all very much :)

[Zaf]

That sounds pretty positive  _)_

Z xxx

[Beetzart]

My friends, of which I have very few, steer clear of me unless we bump into each other in town say.  They have known for years but it is still taboo and they have never been very understanding, so I don't have anything to do with them anymore.  A close friend invited my wife and I to his wedding blessing (he got married in Las Vegas).  I had to decline so sent him an e-mail.  Couldn't phone as he always changes him number so I'm never upto date.  I explained I was depressed and had trouble at work and sorry we couldn't come along. Heard nothing for a week then he left a voice message on my phone saying sorry about things and if we changed our minds that would be fine.  I tried ringing him back, no answer, left a message and haven't heard from his since.  That was nearly 3 months ago.  Quite sad really, and it's not as if he lives far away yet in the same town.    Another long term work friend I have known since 1998 has banished me because of the work grievance I made against his mates.  Got two more friends who we see once or twice a year, and again I could walk to their house in ten minutes.  I know it works both ways but they are not ill, and you can tell they don't really know what to say and sometimes disagree with the meds I am taking.  My friends are nice people don't get me wrong, I have known them since childhood but I do sense that they patronize me sometimes.  They are quite successful always going on super holidays, blah de blah.  I showed one friend a piece of my music that I am really proud of and he said it sounded like something at a funfair.  I was quite upset but didn't say anything.

Sorry, that's my sob story.  From my prospective, I am weary of telling people unless I am certain they understand mental illnesses.

All the best.

Colin

[CharleysAngel']

Hi there,

Only my very closest friend knows 'everything' I thought it would be unfair to keep her in the dark about it as she spends so much time with me. My other friends and other people I'm in contact with know that there is something wrong with my and that I am unwell but they don't know what, so to them it could possibly be a medical problem.

[AdamD]

I myself suffer from social anxiety disorder, which started at an early age (probably around 9, if you can believe it!)

I put on weight as a kid, got bullied, became more reclusive, got bullied more, put on more weight and thus the cycle repeated itself

As a result, I've not had any life, at all, I've only ever had one girlfriend, who was very tolerant of my insecurities and anxiety, but I just couldn't be with her and feel comfortable.

So fast forward to 32 and I have ZERO friends in the local area, because my anxiety and weight issue means I don't go out.

I used to play a lot of online games, so met some wonderful (and plain horrible) people online, I'm lucky to call two of those friends, "brother", because they are the closest thing I have to real siblings, sadly, both of them live in the USA.

So now I've told them about my depression, while they are supportive, they of course feel rather powerless to help

And as I've started to try and confront the depression and anxiety, I find myself feeling more depressed and more anxious, because I feel like it's too late.

[dragunov63]

Never too late mate.
Change can happen at any point in your life.
I suffered from low self esteem all my formative years, which was a large contributory factor to my breakdown, at the age of 36.
Post breakdown I rebuilt myself and now despite a constant battle with depression am at last coming to appreciate me, I am now 49 so it's never to late and a journey worth travelling.

Nige

[Frannigan]

Hey Jenjam,
This post really hit home with me. I haven't told any of my friends or family yet. My partner knows and has been wonderful and nothing but supportive to me. He suffers with Bipolar Disorder so I know he gets me.
It's not that I don't feel that they would understand or be supportive, but it's that they all see me as this strong person who can cope with anything. It's hard to make them see that I am just a normal human being with problems, anxieties and difficulties. My Mum suffers with clinical depression as well as other members in her family too, so in that sense I don't think it would really be a surprise that I do too. The real problem I have is almost a guilt for misleading everyone for so long. It's like having to have a depressed life and then a seperate life that I play for everyone else who thinks that I can cope with everything that's thrown at me.
Hope one day I will be comfortable enough to be who I really am all of the time. I realise that this was probably no help to you whatsoever, but just wanted you to know that other people are in the same boat.

Hugs
xxx

[Bubblemama]

The saying goes you can count your true friends on one hand.

I had my best friend and around 8 other friends who I thought I called my 'close friends' until I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I now only associate with my best friend (who also had been diagnosed with depression but suffered in silence) and 3 out of the 8 so called friends. I ignored texts, phone calls and even crossed the road or went into a shop if I saw the in town. My best friend helped me so much especially when my husband was working lots. He helped me through some very dark times and seriously disturbing thoughts. The 3 other friends (who I now class as very close friends) badgered me until I admitted my diagnoses and pulled me through and I thank them for that.
My grandmothers philosophy of a problem shared is a problem halved is so so true. You must talk to your friends (the ones you trust). You will be surprised how supportive they will be. And as for the ones that all by the wayside.........don't waste your time with them.

Good luck xxxx