Icelolly, i think Steve has given you some great advice.
I started suffered from depression 17 years ago when i was a teenager. Even though there is still some stigma attached to depression today, when i was a teenager it was worse. I had had suicidal thoughts, but didnt self harm. I managed to hide myu depression for many years, though at that time even i hadnt recognised it as depression. I was worried about my parents and family finding out. What would they think, would they believe me??Luckily i have very supportive parents and they support me, but they dont understand depression, they have never suffered.
Your parents might have a go, they might not believe you, they might say you want attention. But look at how the worry about telling them is affecting you? Surely its better they know. You could take them to docs appts or show they details about depression so they can start to learn. At the end of the day they brought you into this world and i cannot imagine (even though i am not a parent yet) not wanting my child to be happy and doing every thing in my power to support my child. I am sure your parents have that somewhere inside them.
You can and WILL get better, but i have learnt through my journey the more people who know the better! You need people around you during the illness, it can be extremely debilitating and lonely. What i am trying to say though is there is still a great stigma surrounding depression and i believe that the more we talk out about how we are feeling the better, it will open up peoples awareness about the illness.
I have struggled for many many years trying to get the support i need. Up until about 8 weeks ago i was still working full time. When i visited the doc in Jan to say i was going downhill and needed support i was sent away and told to wait for an appt. I then waited 5 months for an appt with the mental health team. I had to go through an assessment process and spend lots of time waiting despite having been there less than a year ago. Then in May i had 2 appts. One with a consultant who i had never met before and after half an hour in a room with him he decided i just needed to talk about things, i wasnt that depressed and my meds didnt need adjusting. The second was with a nurse who quite frankly was rude, unhelpful and put my depression down to my relationship, which cant be the case because i suffered before i even met my partner. I never went back to see her. I was totally lost. Knowing i was sinking further and further and the help i had waited months for was absolutely dreadful. I decided to pay privately which i couldnt really afford, but was desparate. Anyway it has turned out well. The psychairtrist i was going to pay doesnt want me to, she feels i have been let down by the NHS and is willing to see me in her own time, which i think is amazing and i am very lucky. During my first appt she increased my medication and after a couple of meetings with her, my life fell apart and i have now been off work for 8 weeks and prob wont return until sept. So much for what the first consultant said huh! And i made a cry for help in Jan, all this could have been avoided.
BUT what i am trying to say here is that i have had some good experiences and some bad experiences in terms of the support offered and if i had gotten the right support many years ago, i dont believe i would be where i am today, still suffering. PLEASE dont waste anymore of your life worried about your parents reactions. YOU NEED HELP!! If that means them finding out, so be it. I have suffered for many years because i have not wanted to tell people about how i feel, i find it hard to share. But knowing what i do now, i wish i had been like this 15years ago, then it might not still be affecting my life so badly today.
Please get help IceLolly, just be brutally truthful with everyone and get the support and help you need. xx
