Can't cope lately, what now??

[lampy]

I have been up and down with my depression for as long as i can remember. In the past year or so i have been getting generally worse in myself. I am still working but I am wanting to be on my own more and more and this has wrecked my family life, so much so that i am now living at my mum's at my age which i find really embarrassing as i am nearly 40. I have been having CBT and all was going well and i really felt like i might actually be getting somewhere at last. I was able to take time out of work as i am self employed in the TV & Film industry to go for therapy but after 5 sessions my therapist told me that he would no longer be able to see me as he was being moved on to another project and area and unfortunately in seeing someone else would have to start all over again. He was really good because he scheduled my appointments to suit me as sometimes i work away for weeks at a time and cannot be around for such appointments but when i was called about seeing someone else they said they could not help me because of my work as other therapists on their books would not see me unless i can see them every week on the same day. This has been impossible for me as i have been working away here and there, always the same in the summer months. I am now stuck and i have now gone the complete opposite way, i am very down all of the time, do not want to talk to anyone at all and i am very, very argumentative.
I have really had enough and just lately when i am alone i just break down into tears for no reason and i am really affraid that i will get like it when people are around and then i would probably lose my job. I really don't know how i am going to cope with it all this time.
Thanks for listening..


Lampy

[Zaf]

Its a great shame you cannot find someone who will fit in with your work, have you tried someone who does private sessions?  I know my counsellor (who also does cbt) could be reasonably flexible.

Hope you can get something sorted out xxx

[Sweetpea]

Feel for you Lampy.  I agree with Zaf, maybe try and find a private councellor who would be flexible to your times.

S x x x x

[lampy]

Thanks, I am going to try and ring a few tomorrow and see what happens. It just gets me down more knowing that it is always one step forward and three steps back.
I'll let you know how I get on but feeling really low and stressed about it, hope I manage to get up for work tomorrow, finding it really hard lately.

[Sweetpea]

Hope you have some joy tomorrow.  Its so hard when things seem to go backwards  %^%.

S x x x x

[Ezel]

 *)* you can do without this...

[lampy]

I had made some phone calls and looked on the internet, etc and in my area there are a number of people offering CBT but the cost is huge, well i think it is for me at the moment. They want in the region of £70-£90, i cannot afford this kind of money especially when they were telling me that i would need at least 20 sessions and things like that. Is that really true or are these people only in it for the money. Sometimes i get so fed up with getting virtually no help because i work. I am lucky that i do have a job and i know that if i did not i would be 100 times worse then i am but jees, don't penalise me because of it. Not sure what to do now, as per usual!!
Think i need to calm down, had a busy week working and worked yesterday and spent most of the day today in bed feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry for the rant everyone!!

Lampy

[Zaf]

Goodness that is expensive, I found counselling for £30 locally xx

[Sweetpea]

That does seem very expensive, I paid £35 per session for my counselling.

S x x x x

[lampy]

Maybe i need to look a little further from home then i should be able to get a similar price. Where i live there are a number of people with money, unfortunately i am not one of them.
A little update, today i am at work again, managed to keep on going but it is getting a little harder each day! Today i am feeling particularly anxious and as per usual i do not know why. I wish it would stop, i can handle feeling low most of the time but not anxious, especially when it gets to panic attack levels. Oh well keep plodding on.

Lampy.

[Sweetpea]

I do hope you manage to find one cheaper. Anxiety is horrible. Take care. S x x x x

[lampy]

Thanks, I know anxiety is a terrible thing. I still have not been able to sort anything else out, i have been so busy with work, I have got one more week of work then i am off for 2 weeks, hopefully going to get something sorted for then. I am having one good day and one fairly bad day this past week it seems, fingers crossed.

[Sweetpea]

Hope you can get something sorted in the 2 weeks you have off. S x x x x

[lampy]

Thanks Shaz. Xx