Newbie

[weldalot]

Hi all,
       I have found this forum by trawling the net looking for people with the same problems. I kinda find depression a lonely issue and just to read on here some of the posts helps. Its amazing how similar other peoples feelings are.
   Mine started in 2008 when I lost my twin brother to cancer at 43. I felt at the time I coped well enough but around me my world was crashing.. my business had gone tits up due to a non payer, me and my wife were not getting on at all, I couldn't work due to an injured back, I had literally no means of supporting my family etc etc. That was 4 years ago and somehow I got through it and last year got a job, had a small amount of money coming in and things were looking ok and I came of citalopram. I now work again can support my family but 4 months ago it came back with a vengeance. It would start at 4pm most days and get worse. Now its 12pm and the rest of the day I really suffer. Im back on the pills but they are not working. As a hobby I make bird of prey sculptures from steel and love doing them but even doing something I love everything looks black.For some reason I keep looking back at the things I was doing to make money during the lean times, car boot sales, markets that kinda thing and hate myself for going there. I even tried a shop selling collectables that bombed and cost me more. My wife hated me doing this and if truth be told so did I.
   Why I keep recalling these times I dont know and especially if I am driving it gets worse.. I suppose you think more whilst driving. I find now I cant go down the street shopping, I hate crowds of people, I bugger of to bed most nights about 9pm just to get away from it..what a life...its hell.
   Anyway thats my story and its just nice to put it on here where hopefully people can relate to my feelings or help or we can help each other.
Thank you all

[KateG]

Hi and welcome to the forum. If it's any consolation, I didn't leave the house for weeks on end, I was so scared of the outside world

Glad you found us

Kate x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, I think most of can relate at least part of what you are going through, at my worst the agorophobia wont even allow me outside, sometimes I even need to keep the curtains closed to I cant see upu

Z xxx

[Ezel]

 $£$ and +_+

[Ducky]

Hello,

I can relate to losing your twin brother as I lost my only son in Dec 2010; no idea if the feelings are similar or not. And I'd be lying if I said things get better in time regarding such a loss - they may or may not, but there is certainly help out there in the form of counselling, books, medication, etc.  *^*

[plumb]

Hi, Guess your a welder? bet you cant gess what I do 
Also new here!
Seems maybe when you were getting tired it triggered you off in the afternoons? Ofcourse lack of sleep is aculamative so it will make the problem worse maybe.
I know if im tired I feel pretty bad so know when to head to bed but obviously that isnt practical at 4pm.Sounds like you were trying to soldier on and I know how hard it uis supporting a family. This seems to be where we can try and hide from our feeling but just makes it worse, as i found.
Dealing with loss is very hard. My father in law dropped dead in front of me, his wife and my wife. I managed to give him mouth to mouth etc and got him back 3 time but the ambulance crew could not save him. That was 19 years ago and i think the anxiety i know suffer from is due to what happened. I wish I had had counciling and maybe this would help you.

[whiteadder]

Welcome  *() you've found a lovely group of people here.

Like the sound of your sculptures - I've never really 'made' anything and it's something I admire and would like to try...maybe marquetry or working with copper or silver.