Hi - new and nervous!

[Jessica_88]

Hi Everyone
I have just joined this forum and I am looking forward to reading others peoples stories and hopefully receiving some advise.

I was diagnosed with depression back in 2010 but at the time I didnt want to go on medication, I thought I could 'fight' this illness myself with out help from medication or help from my doctor.

I started suffering from low moods when my Nan died 5 years ago, her death struck me much harder than I ever thought it would and 5 years later I am still not over the grieving process.
I have always suffered from confidence issues and anxiety and recently started a new job where the other people in the office made my life hell, basically they were bullying me and treated me like i was an idiot, this caused a major downfall in my confidence, I couldnt stop crying for days on end and realised I do need help so I went back to the drs and was put on 100mg of Sertraline and have been referred for councilling.

I dont know if anyone else feels like this but I often feel guilty, guilty that I am feeling this way, I feel like I shouldnt be feeling down all the time and that I should be able to snap out of it - which I know is not going to happen.

I am currently signed off sick but as my contract is due to finish this month I need to start looking for a new job which is terrifying me as I am scared and nervous of how ill cope in my next job and whether I will feel the same as I did in my last job.

The main reason I am posting this is because I would like to know if anyone else has ever felt like i do and as I am very good at hiding my feelings and emotions, I am worried about starting my councilling sessions as I dont open up to anyone about my feelings.

So basically I am feeling a huge mix of emtions from sad, scared, anxious, worried, guilty and many more

Sorry for the long post!

thanks for reading
Jessica
xx

[Buttercup]

Welcome to the forum .

[joethfc]

That's very sad. I know the guilt, it's like guilt for just existing.

You're not alone! %^%

[Ezel]

Welcome and you will get support here  %^%

[woozywoo]

I can understand a lot of what you have said. I have experienced bullying in the workplace. I am currently off sick and a big part of how I feel is guilt. Spent my last consultant appt discussing this. And it is totally normal. We feel we should be able 2 cope and snap out of it. But it doesn't mean we are bad because of this its normal 2 feel this way if you are depressed! I also am very good at hiding my depression and find it difficult 2 talk about but hopefully the councillor will help you through
That.

I know I haven't given any advice,but there are ppl here who will but I understand!

Welcome 2 the forum x x

[Sweetpea]

Hi  +-_ and welcome to the forum.  I always feel guilty for suffering with depression, guilty for being ill, guilty for the worrying my family etc. I know lots of others here feel the same.

Hopefully you will be able to open up during your counselling sessions.  It may feel hard at first but hopefully in time you will find it easier as time goes on.

S x x x x



 

[Jessica_88]

Thank you all for your welcomes and words of support - will be nice chatting to some people who understand.

 $%$

[CharleysAngel']

Hi and welcome to the forum :) everyone here is really friendly and will give advice and support you wherever we can :) xx

I often feel guilty too, I feel that I should 'snap out of it' and start enjoying my life because there are so many people out there who suffer so much more than me but don't mope about feeling sorry for themselves.

[weldalot]

Hi Jessica, im also new to this forum, this being my first post. I found it by looking for someone to open up to or speak to or just let someone know how im feeling. I  can relate to most of the things you have said. Ive been looking through this forum and want to shout at the screen "Thats the way I feel" Just to be able to relate the same feelings as someone else is a huge help as not only do I know I'm not alone I feel it helps to take away those horrible feelings of guilt about feeling low.
  Please go to your therapist, they are extremely well trained to listen and opening up and speaking is a real good help and I'm sure you will feel better after telling someone face to face. This forum is great but you can't beat a face to face download of problems.
  I wish you luck Jessica and do let us know how you get on.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome Jessica and weldalot xxx

[Sweetpea]

Hello Weldalot & welcome to the forum. S x x x x

[KateG]

Hi Jessica, welcome to the forum

Kate x

[plumb]

Hi Jesica

I think trying to hide yourself is not good. Obviously we need to be weary of who we share our feelings with and im lucky enough to be able to test people and listen to how they react to a few clues I send their way or not really give a monkeys what they think, which ofcourse is not always socially acceptable.
I have not seen a councilor yet and have yet to decide if i shall. But my wifes experiance has taught me alot. Thes people a trained profesionals and will not judge you or think your weird etc. So please be honest and talk as i do to many peolpe. its amazing how pretty quickly the conversation becomes about them and they will suprise you with there thoughts, feelings and problems.

[Zaf]

I think we hide sometimes as we simply cant cope with interaction but it can be surprising how many other people do understand as they've suffered themselves or have family or friends who have

Z xx

[whiteadder]

Hi and welcome - I'm sorry to hear people have treated you that way. Nice to have somewhere like this people where people are compassionate to one another  *)*