There's just so much for me to do this coming month, and now I'm depressed. I just think I'd rather get out (not die) of this life, take some kind of break. The practicalities are a bit complicated, I will have to wait a month before I can even spare a moment for my mental health. I just need an intensive course of dealing with this thing. It always gets away too soon (and also too late). I don't want to get temporarily better, then worse, then better, even worse, better, worse, even worse, better, etc.
People either don't want to hear, and have politely said as much; or they're too wrapped up in their own problems; or they purely don't understand that I'm not choosing to feel this way and taking a walk isn't a cure-all (though I realise it helps). Maybe I avoid compassionate people because I feel betrayed by their emotional promiscuity.
Oh god, I think it's getting a little worse every time. Less suicidal but there's a revelation every time which makes it just a little bit more twisted. "£"
