hi i am new and not in a good place

[find_me_a_cure]

hi all i am 22 and i have been suffering with depression for way over 6 months now before i got ill i was a bubbly fun character always trying making people laugh and loved being the life and sole of the party as i had come out of a bad relationship i was loving life.but going into the end of 2011 i started coming down from that hi that i had been on for more than a year and i started feeling really low money worries where getting to me and just general life and fast forward into 2012 and
i have been off work for 6 months now and things just don't seem to get any better.
i have had 3 diffrent types of medication the latest on is mirtazapine 45mg been on them now a couple of days.
i have just shut out the whole world i don't want to go outside unless i really have to i don't want to see my friends.
i am also thinking about giving up my job because i can;t handle the presure of them keep asking me when am i going to go back so i haven't been in contact with them in over about a month i just don't seem to care any more.
i don't sleep for days at a time n then when i do go to sleep. i sleep for ages.
i started seeing a counseller 3 weeks ago it helps at the time and i come come out feeling a bit more positive and have all these bright ideas of how i am going to get a better job and start a fresh with my life then the next day i am back to square one all that enthusiasm has gone by the way side and i am back to being a misery  crying .
i have ambition i want to be a drama teacher but i just feel that is just a dream at the moment i just want to be NORMAL if there is such a thing.
sorry for ranting on just not been a good day today.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, this is the place to rant if you want to.

I could have written most of your post and I think many others here will say the same, I hope you will find help here

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

 )-_ hello and welcome to the forum.

I have been where you are now and understand as I am sure many others here will.

S x x x x

[find_me_a_cure]

hi zat i am glad i found the forum i just needed to express how i have been feeling not many people around me understand me apart from my best friend and my sister really.
i hope it will help me sharing how i feel in my recovery x

[Zaf]

We all certainly understand how awful depression can be unfortunately

Z xx

[find_me_a_cure]

hi shaz i do feel better coming here now i can talk to other people i hope it can help me build my confidence again.
also being able to read about other peoples experiences might help me move forward with my life.
how long have you been on the forum and has it helped you ? x

[find_me_a_cure]

i used to always look forward in life and now all i seem to do is look back and think of what a mess it has been when i was 4 years old me and my sister was involved in  a hit and run accident i ended up with a broken leg and my sister who was 6 ended up being killed.
it turned the family upside down i wouldn't leave the house in my wheel chair i would scream and cry if any one left the front gate open i couldn't go to sleep at nite without being in a bed beside my mum n dad and they had to hold my hand until i had fallen asleep and i ended up seeing a physciatrist.
it affected my mum and dad, my dad ended up having a nervious break down and my mum became an alcoholic she finally stopped when i was around 13 yrs old it was horrible living with her i can understand why she did it she didn't see how else to cope.
but it was a nightmare i was ashamed of my own mother i wouldn't let her go to parents evening or anything like that because she was always drunk from before i went to school till bed time and would come out with nasty comments towards me or just be shouting.
i used water down her beer when i was a child and she never knew the difference.
i remember one time i heard this big thud and i went upstairs and my mum was collapsed on the bathroom floor.
fast forward to now and i live back at home with my parents and i worry so much about them my dads 63 n diabetic and numerous other illnesses and my mums 65 and got really hi blood pressure i worry all the time that they are going to die and i am going to be left i have a sister but shes got her own family and a brother but he's mentally ill. i don't feel that i could cope on my own if anything did happen to them i had to grow up really fast when i was younger some say old before my time and now i just feel so much pressure in life i find it hard to cope with it all i just wish somedays that i could actually go back in time and change things but i know i can't and i know people say that i should look forward but sometimes its hard and at the minute in the mind frame that i am in i can't help but look back

[Zaf]

Keep on with the counselling if you can, in the longer term it may well help.  I find a combination of meds and counselling works best for me

Z xx

[find_me_a_cure]

Hi I've got counselling at 7pm tonight I have had it before when I was at school it worked for a time then . I just don't feel that meds are working on me I only went on the higher dose on monday but was on 30mg previous. Take care I shall post when I get back xx

[KateG]

Hi and welcome

Kate x

[Catbrian]

Hi....Welcome....I hope you will find it very useful here. It's a great place to off load.

Anti-depressants usually take about three weeks to start working.  Try not be too down if you feel they're not working. Many people need to try a few meds before they find the one that helps.

Hope your counselling goes well

Cat

[tharidler]

hi and welcome
reading your posts first of all i'm sure everyone here can sympathise with the ups and downs of depression as a lot of us have some of the same problems i will reiterate what catb said as the meds take time and it can also take time to work out the best combination to suit you there are many kindred spirits here and they are all very kind i hope your evening goes well

[find_me_a_cure]

Thankyou everyone for your kind words of support it's given me a smile which I haven't had in a  while . I went to counselling tonight and for the first time I didn'tcry. And a little glimps of my self come out instead of being a complete wreck  which was good . All in all I feel that it was a good session . Is it just me or does anyone else feel like there counselling session should be longer because I only get 50mins .

[CharleysAngel']

Hi there,

Really sorry to hear you have been having such a bad time everyone here is really friendly and will support you and give advice whenever we can :) xx

[Zaf]

Yes, I often felt a longer counselling session would have been useful

Z x