Hello,
I have been a member of various forums in the past but this is my first time on one related to depression. The closest I have come was on a US forum devoted to grief.
Briefly, in December 2010 I lost my only son. I live alone (now) - my son was adopted from Thailand - and he had been with me for about 21 years or so. As soon as he passed away, my world fell apart. I had suffered from depression, ever since I lost my mother back in 1979 when I was just 19.
After I lost my son, no one was able to say whether I was "just" grieving or sinking further into depression. It is now almost 18 months since my son passed away and I am no better. I still cry every day and find it difficult to function. I keep having awful flashbacks too. I tried bereavement counselling but didn't get on with it.
I have been on various anti-depressants in the past (Prozac, Effexor and Prothiaden [yuck]), most recently the dreaded Paroxetine, because I also suffer from a form of OCD, as well as social phobia and also migraines. But after many years (must be over 15 now), I feel it has lost its effectiveness. I am going back to my GP to see if I can either withdraw from it (with dread as I know the risks are enormous and it is notoriously difficult to withdraw from) and/or whether or not another anti-depressant might prove more effective. I have had it with counselling, psychiatrists and various other therapists as I have no faith in them any longer and I only want to talk to people who knew my son.
Anyway, sorry for the long introduction and thanks for "listening".
Ducky
