A quick update...

[sad sack]

 

Morning all!

I have actually been feeling better about everything… I do think that, even though pouring my thoughts out online, behind a computer isn’t the best, I think it has helped…

I have also taken a step back and stopped myself from the negative thought patterns all the time…

You control your brain, not the other way about… as I was once told…

Work has also been really busy, so again, lot’s to do and no time for self-pity…

There has also been a (small) break through with the ex…

I went against her wishes and left a voice mail for her, and I was surprised to find she returned my call…. She did however shout and scream down the phone at me, then hang up… lol

But after that, I sent her a small text message, and from there we have been sending a lot of messages back and forth, and had a few chats.

She feels very alone at the moment, especially with everything going on with her dad… so I have made it clear I am not there for me, or us… but to try and help and support her – as I should have done in the past.

She is obviously very wary of me and her heart (as she should be), but I think she understands I am trying to help, and she at least now knows how I really feel and all the issues I have (I sent her a copy of my first post to read)

What is going to happen… I have no idea…. She needs a massive cuddle and a good rest by the sound of things… she always knows she is safe and protected with me, so even if I get used a little bit in order for her to get though her dark times, I don’t care….

I feel ashamed of what I done to her, and left just as things got really bad with her dad (OK, I wasn’t to know that, I don’t have a crystal ball… but I still feel guilty), so anything I can do to help her out at this moment in time is better than nothing…

I did send her a nice bunch of flowers just to say thanks for listening to what I had to say… she loved them, and burst into tears when she saw them….


 "!+ "!+ "!+ "!+ "!+

[Zaf]

That sounds very positive :)

Z xx

[whiteadder]

That's good sadsack  "!+

[KateG]

That's really good sad sack, I'm glad you were able to send her your first post so she knows how you feel. I'm also glad that you being here has helped x

[Sweetpea]

That sounds great  "!+

S x x x x

[sad sack]

well, seems my good thoughts about the ex were a little premature.... :lol:

got a call from her last night to basically say she doesn't want anything to do with me, I had my chance and blew it... I let her down when she needed me the most, so she is not letting me back in...

sad talk on the phone, full of long silences... but I guess that is that....

sometimes it just is too late to make things right and realise what you had... I should have recognised that I loved her and what she meant to me a lot sooner....

I don't actually feel that bad about it.... although I am trying to change and sort myself out, there would always be a fear I would slip back and hurt her again... and I think she would always have the same fear...

better to leave the past in the past.

so there we go... back on the singles pile... think I'll spend some time in my cave out the way....

 -_) -_) -_)

 

[Zaf]

 !+_

[KateG]

Sorry to hear this sad sack  !+_

[Sweetpea]

So sorry Sad Sack.

S x x x x

[sad sack]

Thanks all....  !£! !£!

I *think* I'm OK with it.....

Some people just are not cut out for a relationship / kids etc etc... I am one of those people.... live is simpler and calmer for me on my own.......

Although deep down I would love to have someone to love me.... it just ain't going to happen...

The only thing that is annoying me slightly is she kept using the "you weren't there when I needed you the most" line.... now, we split up before her dad got really, really sick, so I didn't know how bad he was.... so I think that is a little unfair on me....

but, as I said... for the best (probably).... deal with it, move on.

 ()_

[KateG]

I think she is being a bit unfair, but I doubt she is thinking particularly rationally at the moment, with her worries about her dad, so try not to let it annoy you too much.

Don't give up on trying to find someone, just maybe take a break in your cave for a bit. (I'm assuming your cave is habitable, with electricity and running water....)

At least this experience, although tough and upsetting, has made you realise that there are things that you could maybe change in terms of being able to express your feelings but at the same time you know you may also need to manage the other person's expectations of what you want and and give in a relationship. Hope that makes sense?

 !£!

Kate x

[sad sack]

I'm sure she is all over the place.....it can't be easy for her, I understand that   

My cave is the best!!! 

The worst thing is, this is now the 4th time I have lost someone because of the way I act, and the way I am.

Now I know I should be very greatful that I even had 4 women love me (well, I'm only counting the ones that have lived with me, wanted kids etc etc) , and want to share their life with me, but I'm a pretty smart guy, I should have learnt my lesson by now....

I am one of these people that believe everything happens for a reason - good or bad, and that sometimes you don't really know what is actually the good or the bad..... so I just have to get on with things and accept this is the way it's meant to be, for a reason I don't quite understand at this moment in time...

Thanks for all the support btw...

 )-_

 !+_

[Zaf]

I am one of these people that believe everything happens for a reason - good or bad, and that sometimes you don't really know what is actually the good or the bad..... so I just have to get on with things and accept this is the way it's meant to be, for a reason I don't quite understand at this moment in time...

I try to look at life that way too

Z xx

[Ezel]

 !+_ Taking a break to catch on posts  _+_