Hello - total newbie :)

[steffers]

Hi everyone thought i'd introduce myself and give you some background.

I am 22, married & I live in Bulgaria (i'm a british expat)

I have suffered with (diagnosed) depression for about 18 months, on & off...good & bad days. I also suffer from paranoia & anxeity.

Sometimes I get angry, other times really sad (crying for no reason)

Although I have a VERY loving & supportive husband, I sometimes feel very alone, its hard for him to understand a lot of the time.

Sometimes I just need to vent!! Very few of my friends out here know I suffer from depression. A few have noticed I have "off days" but I put it down to time of the month, headache etc. I kind of want to tell people because it'll help them understand sometimes why i'm in a bad mood. And also in the hope that they'll be supportive but how do you go about telling people? Even more how do you get them to understand?

I once heard a quote that says trying to explain depression to someone who has never suffered it is like trying to explain the colour red to a blind person.

My parents dont know I suffer, they would only worry about me!

I suppose there are things in my past that could be a reason why I suffer, I was abused as a teenager. When I was 18 he was arrested & I had to go to court to testify against him, he went down but only 2 yrs. (out after 1!!)
I suppose that has something to do with it but to be honest I feel i've made my peace with it - obviously there are some questions I have unanswered and I doubt I will ever get answers - only he can give me the answers!
Also my hubby is quite a bit older than me and has a witch of an exwife who hates me simply because I married her ex. She was having an affair with his best friend and I am the baddy?! Hubby has 2 grown up kids who think the sun shines out of there mums bum! Every time I try to broach the subject with either of them they shut down & say there mum has nothing against me & its basically all in my head.
My stepdaughter and I get on but I feel she puts up with me for her Dads sake.

Sorry - a bit more came out there than I expected, just needed to unload

Anyway back to the point - HELLO! :)

S x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome :)

Unload all you like, we understand and will help all we can.  I love the example of trying to describe the colour red to a blind man, it really sums it up well

Z xx

[Ezel]

 .>, and yes unload here as this will help you.

[whiteadder]

Welcome - hope you find it useful here :)

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome to the forum.


S x x x x

[Catbrian]

Hi and welcome. I'm a newbie too. Loved the colour red analogy. Depression is a very lonely illness.

I spent years hiding depression from friends. Trouble is, my bouts last for months at a time and are difficult to pass off as 'bad days'. This usually ends in loosing touch with people throughout my (young) lifetime.  Lately I decided to "come out" with my depression and only then did I realise most people knew, anyway. I don't necessarily want to discuss problems with them but I've found it helpful now that they know why I am 'hibernating'.

[Holykimura]

Hi and welcome to the boards, I think it's fair to say that this is a place where people will know what your gong through and therefore feel free to vent out. In relation to telling people about your depression, it is a sad fact that there are people who will never understand what depression feels like. However trying to cope with it yourself can be a burden. I think it's better to share your condition with your parents, but you know them better than me, but from personal experience it's better that they know at least how you feel. As for your friends, I can only talk from personal experience and that is be open about your condition, and then it's up to them how they deal with it, some people will be surprisingly understandable and most know others who suffer. For those that distance themselves, well were they really true friends? It is your decision and I hope I'm not making you feel like doing something that you don't want to, but I can only talk from personal experience, Good luck.  :)

[mamalou]

Hi there, I'm Louise !

I am sorry you are feeling isolated. Depression is such an awfully lonely condition.

I often come on and vent and also share some of my darkest thoughts. There is a real feeling of safety here.

Sending hugs to Bulgaria. x x

[KateG]

Hi and welcome. I am a stepmum too, it's a hard job &*(

Kate x

[Maddymoo]

Hi! I'm also a stepmum, it's hard work, and aren't the exes a pain the backside! Hope you like it here, everyone is so friendly and supportive xx

Maddy

[Tinkerbell]

 .>, Nice to meet you :)

[Mrs_cat_lady]

Hi fellow newbie!! im one too!
After reading your post I got an overwhelming sence of fustration, he ourt case things and your husbands ex, all situations that you would love to take by the horns, sit everyone down and tell them to wise up and sort them selves out and mend everything- but im guessing that would never be possible.
You can probably think of a hundred ways to solve things, but i suppose its not your mess to sort, you just have to feel the pain of it.

So my advice, support, encourgement- Not to feed from the negativity, not to let your soul be tarnished by other peoples wrong doings. Depression makes everything feel 1000 times more painful, but maybe try to write every single thing down and distinguish between things that are you problems and things that arn't.  I know if im feeling like i have the worlds worries in my head i need to logically sort it out, and only allow myself to cry over the things that i could responsible for. I could xry for every child in the world that has ever been abued or mistreated, but i would nover stop crying.
does that all make and sense??
Hope your can find comfort in some of it!
x jen x