Screwy brain

[Buttercup]

Thinking of you,  glad you're getting some help.

[mamalou]

So, I went to my meeting. It was bizarre. It was me and 3 other people. My therapist, my care co-ordinator, access and assessment mental health nurse.

I sat there, they all looked at me, and no-one said anything. Bearing in mind that I can only manage to say " I don't really know" to eveything, it was all a bit awkward. I was desperate to be back in my lounge under a massive blanket wanting to die !

Then the million dollar question " What do you think we could be doing for you Louise ?" OMG I don't know. I don't know what's available , I don't know what I need, I don't know anything !

So finally it is agreed that I will have support over the weekend to reduce the likelyhood of me attaching a hosepipe to my exhaust. Then, we review again next week. 

Is any of this truly helpful ? I don't know what will help but I'm not sure a 5 minute phonecall and a short home visit is going to make any difference.

Sorry for the moan, but thanks again for the support.

Then it begs the question " What do I need ?" and I can't answer that.

I feel suicidal, frustrated and hugely vulnerable.

[Buttercup]

Crumbs, I thought they were meant to help you! 

How useful is them not saying anything suppose to be, hardly makes you feel comfortable, and as for asking you what they could be doing for you...

You're perfectly justified to moan.

When you are feeling vulnerable etc it's really hard to know what you want, you just want others to make decisions for you, or at least thats what I want.

Hang in there and we will be here for you, I can pick up messages on my phone so will keep an eye out.

xxx

[mamalou]

Thank you so much Buttercup. I thought perhaps I was being unreasonable, so I'm glad it seems not.

I definitely need decisions made for me at the moment. I thought my care co-ordinator was supposed to step in with what she thought would be appropriate at the moment.

Feel pretty let down really.

[KateG]

I think they are treating you appallingly mamalou, you are not being unreasonable at all &*(

[Beetzart]

Sorry you are having so many frustration with your car, Louise.  Sometimes I think they don't know any better then a layperson except they have a piece of paper to show otherwise.  I am at my wits end with it. 

[whiteadder]

We'll be here for you, on here, if you need us :) Go easy on yourself and I hope things improve

[Sweetpea]

This is crazy asking what you want them to do for you - you want help I thought that was what the meeting was for.  They should be saying to you what they will do.  Anyone in our situation would feel the same, its hard to say or know what we want when we feel so bad.

As Whiteadder has said we will be here for you  &*( &*(.

S x x x x

[mamalou]

Thank you so much guys. This place is such a haven. Love you all ! x x x

[Sweetpea]

 &*(

S x x x x

[mamalou]

So, I'm still here. I survived the weekend. Had a home visit from Psych Nurse on Saturday and I will be seeing someone today.

is focussed on. I have very little motivation to change anything.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn   ,<=
   

[Sweetpea]

 &*( hope you get some help very soon.  Thinking of you.

S x x x x

[mamalou]

My message should have read - " It's amazing how exhausting it is when suicide is all your brain is focussed on".

Plus, just had a call from the crisis team, who should have been here at 10am, to say they can't come until later ! I had been psyching my self up for their arrival and then they didn't come ! Now they are coming at 7pm when the entire family are here - nightmare !

[Zaf]

That really is bad of them

[KateG]

That's terrible, as if you can postpone your crisis