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Author Topic: Hello  (Read 2718 times)

danni745

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Hello
« on: June 05, 2012, 05:47:38 PM »
Hello,
My name is Danielle, and I have been unhappy most of my life. I am now 37, Lately I have been feeling really bad, and regularly think about committing suicide. I hope joining this forum will help me in some way, but not sure how?? I suppose it would just be nice to write down what I am thinking as I cannot talk to anyone about how I feel. Most people end up losing patience with me and despair of me. They think i am not bothering to take their advice or not listening to them, but I am and I know all the things I have been told and learnt make perfect sense on how to deal with my depression but I still can't help feeling like crap most of the time, I just don't want to be here. I used to deal with my depression by consuming alot of drugs and alcohol but have been clean for 5 months. For the first month I felt great like that was all I needed to do. Was just stop the drugs and alcohol. But now I feel worse than ever?? Doctors found I had a b12 deficiency so I have injections every 3 months, but it's not helping. They also suspect I may have adhd and am going for a full diagnosis in 2 weeks. I have also now been offered a treatment of emdr.
I want to change I hate being like this and I don't understand why it's so hard for me??

Danielle
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Zaf

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2012, 05:52:15 PM »
Hi and welcome, depression is a horrible illness, I hope you find help here

Z xx
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Sweetpea

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2012, 07:03:27 PM »
Hello Danielle and welcome to the forum,

I do hope you fing some comfort and help on the forum.

S x x x x
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KateG

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2012, 07:35:06 PM »
Hi and welcome

Kate x
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Catbrian

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Re: Hello
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2012, 07:37:16 PM »
Hi Daniel
I enjoyed reading your message. I think anyone who lives with depression will identify with your feelings that no one quite understands.  If you have no experience of depression, it must be difficult to fully understand.  People are generally impatient with our "low moods".  Most will want to give us a good shake while telling us to pull ourselves together. They mean well and I suppose their frustration comes from wanting what's best for us.
I think it's good to write and it's even better if we know others are reading our thoughts and even contributing their own experiences. I have lived with suicidal thoughts for most of my life. It has been my big secret since secondary school. I only recently "came out" about it to my GP and Psychiatrist and can truly testify that sharing such a dark side to my life did help.
I also have had experiences with binging on alcohol and drugs. I have been clean now for a number of years, although, I do still occasionally smoke cannabis.  However, believe this 49yrs old man, excessive drug and alcohol use only adds further psychological difficulties in years to come. The effects of my alcohol and drug use play a huge part in the paranoia and agoraphobia I live with today.
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mamalou

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Re: Hello
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2012, 07:38:10 PM »
Hi there,

This place is great to splurge and find support. Really hope you can be yourself and say whatever it is you want to say. No-one judges.

Really sending lots of positive vibes and love as you go through your assessment and continue with your alcohol and drug struggles. Well done on 5 months clean by the way.

Lots of love x x  ^&^
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danni745

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Re: Hello
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2012, 09:49:05 AM »
Thankyou, everyone for your replies and welcoming me. I was feeling very bad yesterday, I even went out in my car and sat in a forest thinking about how to hang myself from a tree, but I came round. It is comforting to know there are people here I can talk to who understand how I feel and won't get frustrated or angry with me  :)

Danielle x
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Sweetpea

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Re: Hello
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2012, 09:50:54 AM »
 &*( for you Danielle.

S x x x x
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Zaf

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Re: Hello
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2012, 10:08:11 AM »
We will understand, please talk to us if you feel that bad again xxx
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whiteadder

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Re: Hello
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2012, 03:14:57 PM »
Welcome Danielle :)

This forum has been a godsend to me - hope you find it helpful too!
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mamalou

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Re: Hello
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2012, 05:23:32 PM »
Quote from: danni745 on June 06, 2012, 09:49:05 AM
Thankyou, everyone for your replies and welcoming me. I was feeling very bad yesterday, I even went out in my car and sat in a forest thinking about how to hang myself from a tree, but I came round. It is comforting to know there are people here I can talk to who understand how I feel and won't get frustrated or angry with me  :)

Danielle x

Can relate entirely to the lows. Wasn't that long ago that I sat in my room and took all my drugs out to count them to ensure I could complete my suicide. But, I'm still here. No one here will get angry and sometimes the support is so amazing that it carries you through the really tricky moments. Glad you didn't find that tree  ;)

x x x
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