Hi everyone,
Just a small post in this one, as I know it's just to say hello and that. I've been part of the American depression forums for a bit but some of the language and other things occasionally get lost in translation, I think, so it's really good there's a UK one and hopefully you won't get sick of me (I know my friends, family and myself are sure getting sick of the depressed 'me')
Well I'm 26, been suffering depression 'properly' for ten years, with first suicidal thoughts at about 12, and as you can tell by me being here, all sorts of meds, CBT, EMDR, SE, NLP and all those other acronyms haven't done much at all for me, in fact I am getting worse. The fact that nothing seems to help me is only making me more down, as I feel like I'm wasting my life, and my family's money (we don't have much at all) on treatments and still waking up every morning wishing I hadn't. I've been at college for a year on an art and design course, which I did to 'get out and do something' and because I used to love drawing and art, but instead I have just felt overwhelmed by the (not very big) wrkload, made worse because I took three months off over Christmas to go into a 'pioneering trauma healing rehabilitation centre' in Oxford, which cost my mum thousands and essentially did not much at all but cause me guilt afterwards at the money, the time wasted from college, and just another chip from my faith that something can help get me better.
Anyway I will stop there as I've gone on and on, this might be a recurrent thing as I always feel I must add every detail so as not to miss anything.
I guess I'm still living in the hope that one day someone will say, well, it's obvious, you should have done THIS! and then the lightbulb will go on and maybe I can enjoy life again. I know I'm too young to feel like I just want it over with.]
Thanks for reading this far
Jadie
