today has been a struggle...

[staralfur]

As I mentioned, today has been a real struggle. It's been so tough to make it through to the end and tomorrow isn't looking that great either. The way I'm feeling really isn't nice

I actually took extra pain killers this afternoon to give me the boost I needed. I had failed back surgery that left me with nerve damage, amongst other things, and I'm on some pretty strong pain killers. I discovered last year just before I became suicidal that if I took around three times the dose, it gave me a swimmy feeling that helped.

So thats where I am again.....I'm glad I'm going the doctors on Friday

[Sweetpea]

I feel for you, I also suffer with back/leg pain and am awating surgery.  Hope you get some help from your dr on Friday.

Take care

S x x x x

[Buttercup]

I really hope that your doctor can help on Friday.

Xxx

[staralfur]

Thank you guys,

I know I shouldn't over do the pain meds, but it is so hard when that option is right there in front of me.

I just feel so weak at the moment.


Shaz - if you don't mind me asking, what is the source of your back/leg pain? And do you have a date for surgery yet?

[Buttercup]

No ones going to judge you for taking the pain killers, just be careful.

I really hope things improve for you, you've been through a lot and you deserve a break.

[staralfur]

Thank you Buttercup, but there are a lot more people on here that have been through a lot worse than me...yourself included. I just feel that I'm weak and I am too lazy to fight it...like I just give up.

Today has started out badly too....very badly.

It's going to be so hard to put that fake smile on for work today 

[Sweetpea]

Hi, one of my discs has disintigrated, so the vertebrae is squashing my sciatic nerve on  both sides. So hence I have bad pain in my back and down both legs.  I have to go back to m surgeon in August to be put on the list when I have lost the 2 stone he wants me to loose.  Have lost 1 stone so far so getting there.

Take care

S x x x x

[staralfur]

Hi Shaz,

It is so painful isn't it. I suffered the same thing exactly. I had three surgeries unfortunately...the first one went well and fixed it for a few months. The second one went wrong completely and after it I couldn't even walk, and the third was an attempt to put the second one right!

After the second surgery it was the the start of my complete downfall. I couldn't walk, I couldn't do anything for myself, my entire body was a mess and I had lost feeling in my legs. On top of that my ex was being mentally abusive towards me as well.

I don't mean to be selling you a bad story! It was a one off thing that sums up my life. It was completely isolated and my consultant reckons that after discussions at the hospital with other surgeons that I am in a minority...for him I was only his fifth patient in 20 odd years that it had happened to.

[Sweetpea]

Oh poor you what a nightmare, What surgery did you have.  What they are going to do for me is to put a basket type thing in between my 2 vertebrae and screw it to the above and below vertabrae, possibly doing the one above to, to strengthen it.

Yes it is very painful, get me down so much, especially in the morning when I struggle to walk.

S x x x x

[Buttercup]

Didn't realise that you had to contend with work as well!!!! I'm signed off, have been since October and no sign of working again yet. I ended up resigning from my job and waiting for Psych/ GP to say when I can start looking, at the moment they both don't want me too.

What you're going through is the same as everyone else so don't be hard on yourself.

Keep fighting  $%^

[staralfur]

Hi Shaz - The surgery was just a discectomy....a simple op that should have had me back on my feet in no time, that's why it was a bit of a downer when it went wrong. They did talk about the cage actually as an option, but they decided that the second op had done so much nerve damage that it didn't matter what they did it wouldn't fix anything.

I hope you get some peace from the pain, it's such a horrible thing and I used to get so fed up of people saying 'Why don't you change your mattress?'!!! I know this is a bit of a weird thing to say, but ask your consultant for a copy of the scans...I found it really interesting to look at!!

Maybe that's just me though!



Hi Buttercup!

Yep, I'm at work too. The doctor and psychologist weren't too keen on me rushing back to work, so I didn't tell the psychologist as I knew she would be cross at me. I spoke to the doctor about it and she said that she would let me go if I thought I was ready.....the bottom line was I needed money.
I can't help being hard on myself, it's what I have always done...the blame is always on me. It's a very hard outlook to change when it's one I have lived with since I can remember.

How are you doing today?

[Buttercup]

I'm ok thanks, enjoying the sunshine  :)

I went back to work for a bit in feb, only supply, so not full on teaching, didn't tell my GP, she asked a couple of times and I sort of denied all knowledge. Then it all went a bit pair shaped and she guessed. She asks me everytime I go know and reminds me that I shouldn't, think I had my wrists slapped  . I wouldn't want to work at the moment, I don't want to be in charge of 30 small children, I don't think I'd cope.

Same here, I blame myself for everything too.

[whiteadder]

A lot of people on here seem to be suffering with physical pain as well as depression. I really feel for you struggling with work at the same time.

Thinking of you.

[staralfur]

Hi Buttercup - We have rain here 

I think it must be really stressful in the first place to be a teacher! I know this might be a bit hypocritical, but it is right for your gp to slap your wrists, you do need to wait until you know you are able to work. If I didn't have the responsibilities myself I wouldn't have returned as soon as I did. Since returning my workload has exploded and my boss despite having sympathy, seems to be forgetting that everyday is a struggle and I'm not as fit as I used to be.

It's not fair you've got sunshine though and we are being bathed in rain!!!


Hi Whiteadder - Thanks for that, it's a case of having to be at work! Pain is ok...it's bearable for now. It's only the flare ups that are really set me back! Hope you are doing ok too?

[whiteadder]

Hi Staralfur, glad the pain is under control, at least some of the time. I'm a bit all over the place but surviving :)